texting etiquatte

[bananashake]

My ex had a bad habit of not texting me back for several hours, if at all. And the same went for phone calls. And oftentimes if we were in the middle of a text "convo", he would stop texting mid convo and leave me hanging. These actions made me feel inadequate.

 

And now I'm back in the dating field. My question is: is it reasonable to expect a guy to text back within a couple hours if you know they aren't in a meeting, driving, etc? Or was my ex's etiquette the way it is now?

[DylanNotorious]

Your ex did that to you on purpose, but I do tend to believe that there are people out there, who have no idea how text etiquette works at all.

[annie24]

I don't see texting as anything serious. I think it's nice to say, 'gotta run, talk later' to cut off the conversation but personally, don't find it necessary. if there is something that needs to be discussed, why not just pick up the phone? otherwise, i think texting is best for 'sorry, i'll be 30 minutes late.'

[Fun Boater 1]

You shouldn't be doing much texting at all in a dating relationship, in my opinion. Texting isn't really "communication". Texting does not replace hearing each other's voices on the phone or seeing each other in person. There is no such thing as "text etiquette". The concept is silly. Texts are just words on a screen - no voice tone or inflection, no laughter, no way to gauge the other person's mood or sincerity of their responses, and highly impersonal. Sometimes I respond to texts, sometimes I don't. I never wish to have a running "conversation" via text messages, although I have friends who try to engage me in them. The only thing good about texting is it's an easy way to pass on important information such as times, where you are meeting up, change of plans...etc...etc.. Seriously, why would you want to try and have a meaningful conversation with a person when you only get 150 characters per text to get your point accross? Think about it.

 

Bottom line - if you want to "talk" to someone, you CALL THEM. That's why we have cell phones.

[DylanNotorious]

You'd be surprized how many people conduct a relationship over texting. Texting unfortunately does play a huge role in relationships. Especially in the younger generations. Ask around, they all text. Phone Calls do happen, but most people rely on the texting.

[pl3asehelp]

You'd be surprized how many people conduct a relationship over texting. Texting unfortunately does play a huge role in relationships. Especially in the younger generations. Ask around, they all text. Phone Calls do happen, but most people rely on the texting.

 

And they're reaping all the havoc it causes in their relationships. There's no getting around it - it just isn't well suited for this purpose.

 

It's just a poor way to communicate any type of message that has any emotional content at all or anything conversational beyond 1 response - 'a: be there in 5, b: ok, see you then'.

[bananashake]

And if you read my OP, I said I would call him and he was bad about calling me back or answering. He even told me once that he never listens to his VM, so don't bother leaving one.

[DylanNotorious]

And they're reaping all the havoc it causes in their relationships. There's no getting around it - it just isn't well suited for this purpose.

 

It's just a poor way to communicate any type of message that has any emotional content at all or anything conversational beyond 1 response - 'a: be there in 5, b: ok, see you then'.

 

OP: - Is that how you used texting? What is written in the quote. Or did you use it as your main tool of conversing with your boyfriend.

[Fun Boater 1]

You'd be surprized how many people conduct a relationship over texting. Texting unfortunately does play a huge role in relationships. Especially in the younger generations. Ask around, they all text. Phone Calls do happen, but most people rely on the texting.

 

I'm well aware of this. That doesn't make it right though does it?

 

Pl3easehelp says it best in his post -

 

 

And they're reaping all the havoc it causes in their relationships. There's no getting around it - it just isn't well suited for this purpose.

 

It's just a poor way to communicate any type of message that has any emotional content at all or anything conversational beyond 1 response - 'a: be there in 5, b: ok, see you then'.

 

There's no such thing as "texting etiquette". You are pretty much unobligated to respond, and there's no "time frame" about responding if you do.

 

Banana - the "don't bother with leaving a VM because I never check it" is a sign of an arrogant person. I know a girl who says the same thing, and she's a self absorbed arrogant witch. lol

[bialoman]

I know a lovely girl. She's really nice and social but her text etiqute is awful. You send her a text asking if you can borrow something and she'll text back the next day or something. I think she just doesn't live life by her phone.

I know a guy who is similar and his facebook page is filled with posts on his wall asking questions and he'll either just 'like' the post or not reply at all for days/weeks. I don't think he goes on reguarly though.

 

Both people are a similar type of person. Lovely in person but terrible and getting back in touch with you. Could just be that she/he is not living by their phone like the 98% of the population.

I

[bananashake]

OP: - Is that how you used texting? What is written in the quote. Or did you use it as your main tool of conversing with your boyfriend.

 

I'd say something like..."Hey, how's your day going?" Or, "Good morning., Have a nice day. I love you so much" - he never responded to those.

 

More hurtful examples: He wouldn't text me or call me to let me know there was a change on plans.He would just do whatever. I used to get on him about it, I'd tell him you should have texted me to keep me in the loop, but he rarely did.

 

In fact, it led to a big fight which ultimately led to our BU. Here is the gist of what happened: earlier one afternoon, he asked me to come over that evening and make my special dish for he and his kids. I showed up on time with all the ingredients to make it from scratch. He then announced at the doorway that he and his kids just ate a couple hours ago. I told him he should have let me know, he should have texted me to tell me this so that I didn't waste my time/money! I was sick of him doing this to me and I finally snapped.

[DylanNotorious]

 

 

 

 

There's no such thing as "texting etiquette".

 

Of course there is! You can pretend that the importance of texting does not exsist - but it does. And it matters greatly.

[bananashake]

Of course there is! You can pretend that the importance of texting does not exsist - but it does. And it matters greatly.

 

I agree, Dylan.

[annie24]

More hurtful examples: He wouldn't text me or call me to let me know there was a change on plans.He would just do whatever. I used to get on him about it, I'd tell him you should have texted me to keep me in the loop, but he rarely did.

 

This is just plain rude and I wouldn't tolerate it. I just called off a first date with a guy over this. It's bad behavior, it's rude, and it assumes the other person has nothing better to do than to sit around and wait for your call or text.

[pl3asehelp]

You can make up your own etiquette with your partner and you'd be wise to limit it to non conversational, non emotional communication. As long as you agree with your partner what it means you have no problem. Trust me, otherwise you are absolutely fighting a losing battle and you're the one that will suffer.

[DN]

When you text or phone someone you do so at a time that is convenient to you. Why not extend them the courtesy of allowing them to reply when it is convenient to them? You don't get to govern how other people, even those close to you, spend their time. I think it is somewhat controlling to expect people to reply on your time frame and expectations - there's an element of 'dance for me when I rattle your cage'.

[annie24]

When you text or phone someone you do so at a time that is convenient to you. Why not extend them the courtesy of allowing them to reply when it is convenient to them? You don't get to govern how other people, even those close to you, spend their time. I think it is somewhat controlling to expect people to reply on your time frame and expectations - there's an element of 'dance for me when I rattle your cage'.

 

I agree with DN. I do think it is rude and intrusive to text someone and expect a text back right away. Even if they aren't in a meeting, they may just want to focus on the task at hand (driving, cooking, watching TV, working, whatever).

[bananashake]

I agree with DN. I do think it is rude and intrusive to text someone and expect a text back right away. Even if they aren't in a meeting, they may just want to focus on the task at hand (driving, cooking, watching TV, working, whatever).

 

I'm with you there. But if you aren't doing those things, I think it's fair to text them back within a couple hours. Especially if they ask you a question.

[Fun Boater 1]

Of course there is! You can pretend that the importance of texting does not exsist - but it does. And it matters greatly.

 

I'm not pretending anything. I'm saying that texting is lazy and that it isn't a substitute for real and proper communication via phone or in person. Even email is better than texting because at least in an email you can expand upon what you are trying to get accross and dont' have to use a stack of stupid acronyms so you can stay within you 150 character limit. In the time it takes to carry on most text exchanges, you could have had a phone conversation.

 

I've experienced plenty of misunderstandings resulting from texting rather than phone conversations. I'm saying that it can easily be detrimental to a dating relationship. A point proven by the very existence of this thread!

[Fun Boater 1]

I'm with you there. But if you aren't doing those things, I think it's fair to text them back within a couple hours. Especially if they ask you a question.

 

Yeah, but if you had just called them on the phone and had a proper and real conversation with them, you would have gotten an answer to your question right then and there and wouldnt' have had to wait hours or days for him to get back with you. Texting also encourages people to evade answers.

[wannadoitright]

I personally text a lot and only appreciate calls when I need to hear someone's voice or have something important to say. I just wonder how calling would "resolve" the issue of someone not responding to your text. Does calling make the person less busy? I personally find calling a bit intrusive and limiting because I can text in most situations where I can't call and to me texting takes a lot less brain power and helps me carry on a conversation while doing other things.

 

I've definitely had issues with guys not responding or having proper "texting etiquette". A large portion of those men were just being jerks in my opinion because if you try to observe the pattern, they are usually the same guys that don't call when they should and forget to return calls.

 

On a sidenote, this may be lame but this is one of the biggest reasons why dating/relationships stress me out and terrify the hell out of me. I don't ever want to utter the words "Why didn't you call me back/respond to my text" to a guy I'm seeing....FOREVER.

[bananashake]

Yeah, but if you had just called them on the phone and had a proper and real conversation with them, you would have gotten an answer to your question right then and there and wouldnt' have had to wait hours or days for him to get back with you. Texting also encourages people to evade answers.

 

HAhaha. Central Illinois, eh? Me too.

[Fun Boater 1]

HAhaha. Central Illinois, eh? Me too.

 

What part of our "cornfield and pig farm paradise" are you in, Banana? I'm in Peoria.

[deeplongbreath]

Bottom line - if you want to "talk" to someone, you CALL THEM. That's why we have cell phones.

 

A loooong time ago, people were saying just the same about phone, like "If you want to talk to someone, you've got to do it face to face". Texting is part of the modern world, that's how it works nowadays. Now is there an etiquette? Not really, but in my opinion there is not much difference between a phone call, instant messaging or texting... a conversation should always be ended properly.

[Fun Boater 1]

A loooong time ago, people were saying just the same about phone, like "If you want to talk to someone, you've got to do it face to face". Texting is part of the modern world, that's how it works nowadays. Now is there an etiquette? Not really, but in my opinion there is not much difference between a phone call, instant messaging or texting... a conversation should always be ended properly.

 

My point is that most text exchanges are NOT "ended properly". Most of them have no closure in the conversation whatsoever. You trade a few texts, and then get busy doing other things and the "conversation" often times just stops and often doesn't get resumed for hours or days even. A phone conversation allows for rapid and instantaneous "back and forth" communication where you can easily judge the other person's mood and tone. "Lol's" and smiley face icons are not a substitute for laughter, sarcasm, and the sound of a person's voice. The chance of things being misunderstood and confusing are far less in a phone conversation because all of these elements are present, which they are not present at all in a text exchange. Same goes for instant messaging online as well.

 

Just because texting "technology" exists, doesn't mean it's imperative to use as a substitute for real conversation. I think it's made true communication within a dating and flirting context more difficult and has created more problems than it has solved. There's nothing worse than a person who is on their phone texting all the time in the precense of other people in a social situation. I have friends, male and female, who treat their cell phone like it's a 6th finger on their hand -constantly texting rather in a social situation. - very rude and makes them appear to be disinterested in the people they are with. I've dated a few girls who would check their phones, and even text, someone while on the date. I think that's rude. My policy is to turn my phone to silent and never check it in front of the person I am with on the date, out of respect for that person. I've always seen that as a "red flag" - people who can't put their phones down. Every summer, there are multiple girls I run around with who end up dropping their phones in the river while out on my boat - because they can't put the damn thing down! LOL

 

Another thing that drives me nuts, and I have friends who do this alot - someone sends me a text that says something like "whose all there?", "what is the plan?", or "can you give me directions to the place?". In the time it would take me to type in a couple paragraphs of information into my phone I could have easily just hit the "call" button and given them the info in a very short time, a matter of seconds usually. The ultimate pet peeve of mine is when I immediately try to call someone on the phone who has just texted me and they don't answer their phone. I had a friend tell me once "Jon, you don't understand, when I text you, that means you text me back, you don't call me back." LMAO! She said this to me after texting me to ask directions and where I was. A lengthy response was required to steer her in the right direction.

 

Face to face communication is what's important, followed by phone conversation. If you want meaningful conversations and true communication. I dont' see anything wrong with the occasional "hows your day?", "hope you are having a good day" kinds of messaging. They are nice to get, and shows you that they are thinking about you. However, to make texting the keystone of your communication process with your dating partner is a cop out, and can create more problems than not.