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Why the sudden switch? From dream guy to jerk over night?


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I've been talking to this guy for about 3 months now, everything seemed to be going so well and a relationship seemed inevitable. I haven't felt this way about anyone in a long time, about 6 years when I had met my ex. He told me he felt the same and that I was the best thing that happened to him in years.


Literally over night he changed. He invited me to a super bowl party with him and then never called me about it, he canceled our dinner plans and gave me excuses why he can't show up when I tried to reschedule (he forgot about our date and lent all his money to his sister, he lent out his car to his buddy and also he fell asleep so long that he couldn't call to reschedule or answer my call about why he was late... all with in two days... right.) Needless to say I told him I wasn't interested in playing games and that we should just cool it. Now I wonder if that was a rash decision and contemplating calling him and asking him about this behavior.

What's up with that? Why do guys switch so suddenly? Is he afraid of a relationship, seeing someone else or just a jerk?

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You should find out sooner than later. In the end, the reasons why he's distancing himself don't really matter if they lead to the same outcome. I'd have a casual, but direct conversation about this so you can assess whether he is going to continue playing games with you. Then, if you think things are going to keep going downhill, you can start protecting yourself emotionally and getting prepared to exit the relationship.

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From your sentence structure, I'm a little confused about what actually happened (no offense). Clearly you didn't have dinner plans the night of the superbowl? Here's what I think happened.


You had plans for the superbowl and he pulled a disappearing act - never calling.


Then, the following Tueday (or whatever), you had dinner plans. He forgot about the dinner plans and slept through your phone call. When you asked to go out anyways (maybe the following night?) he said he had no money and no car.


Was that right?


What did he say when you confronted him about the superbowl? Or did you?

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How often did he ask you out on dates and how often did you go on dates? I'm not sure what you mean by "talking" as opposed to dating. I'm glad you asserted yourself when he began acting unreliably. My sense is that if you were just talking to each other he was probably dating someone else and that became serious so he chose to pursue that woman. If you were giving him the benefit of chatting and hanging out/hooking up without him having to plan proper dates or be in a dating relationship with you he might have lost some interest because of that. No need to play games but if you are romantically interested in a man I wouldn't spend three months being his chat buddy.

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RedDress, you're correct. I never confronted his about the super bowl party. It was at a friends house so I figured maybe there was a conflict that way. Then on Tuesday I asked him to go to dinner on Friday and he agreed. I call him Thursday night to confirm plans and he stated he forgot and lent all his money to his sister. Then I stated that if he wanted we could do a movie night and he agreed. The next day (Friday) I didn't hear from him all day, I called with no answer then he texts me back two hours later stating that he couldn't make it because he lent his brother his car. After that I called him we talked on the phone for a couple min and afterwards I text him stating that it seemed like he was playing games and that we should probably just cool it. I'd like to call him and ask why he is acting this way but I assume he don't want to hear from me any longer, what do you think about this? Should I just wait to see if he contacts me?


I do apologize, by talking I mean dating. We were seeing each other often, every weekend, sometimes twice a week. The chem was amazing, that's why I'm so confused. Also, there is a huge gap in our socioeconomic status, it's because of this (he states) that he doesn't yet feel comfortable having me to his home yet. I'm 23 and he is 28. He lives with his single mother because he is helping to support her and his 8 younger brothers and sisters. I really don't care about this at all! I told him I didn't care about that but he says he's pretty embarrassed about his living situation, I trust him on this subject but it bothers me that he's been to my home but I haven't yet been to his.


Normally, I would never want to talk to a guy like this again but for some reason, I'm stuck on this one


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I don't think you can be mad about the superbowl party if you didn't have definitive plans.


For the Friday - agreed that he could have been more proactive in calling you re: not having money... and to not text you immediately when he lent his brother the car is... well... not cool.


I think you were right to express your frustration with the situation. I think it's important that he understands that you feel like you are being played with. And yes, he knows you are upset. So... yes, I would let him contact you.


But beyond that... do you forgive him? I dunno. No one is perfect. He might not have remembered he said anything about the superbowl. Maybe he forgot about dinner. Maybe he just didn't have the money. Maybe it was innocent-ish. I'm probably the wrong girl to give an opinion because I just had a fight with my bf about something similar. He had a "brain fart" and it felt like he didn't like/appreciate me.


Me? I'd let him come to you (so he understands you are upset). I might forgive, but I'd also keep an eye out. If it becomes a regular occurrance that's not good.

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