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Now I'm feeling awful again

why do we

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So after 6 months since when he rejected me in the summer and most of that time I spent feeling really low (of course no need to expain on here how that feels ) I started feeling better. I even was able to enjoy going out, doing things and not think about the situation, which is a great feeling, just living life without pain.


At about 3 months mark he started texting, most of the time I ignored him, other time I would give an equally meaningless response. Last month we finally started talking, after I had to demand an apology from him for how he had treated me which he probably didn't feel he owed me, but nevertheless apologised, although, sadly it was a bit underwhelming because I had to ask, but by that time I generally felt better like I said, so was more or less disconnected from it all.


Then it starts! over the course of several days we had conversations (all initiiated by him) where he told me he loved me, but I was so difficult, how he would have everything for me but I took myself off elsewhere (which was all true but he hurt me a lot too over the years), he said he wanted to start again, would I be his girlfriend, do I still want a baby with him (but he wants me first for himself he said) and when, how we need to put the past behind us etc


The problem is it's been 10 days since the last conversation and I haven't seen him I mean I did tell him I'm mostly free and we could meet when he's free as well but that was it. Last Thursday after a week of silence I texted him, he responded, but nothing personal or meeting was discussed.


I don't know what to think. It's like those first awful days six months ago. 4.30 in the morning, I can't sleep even with sleeping pills, just obssessing all over again.


Why would someone do things like that? If he's punishing me for something still, it's very cruel, if he didn't mean what he said it would be so much better if I never heard from him at all.


I feel it would probably come accross as pathetic if I started asking what's going on but I really don't know how I can wait again, because I waited for too long ((((((((((


Surely he would actually want to see me by now if he wanted to start again like he said?

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I don't see a problem with you just asking him what's up with his behaviour. It is completely unfair that he come back into your life, say those things, then disappear. You have every right to ask him what he is thinking and if he doesn't reply, then it is time you shut the door on him completely and not let him back in your life ever again. Personally though, the fact that he is even acting like this now is a clear indication that you should just walk away now without any questions....but then again, we could just be assuming he is playing games. I'd just ask him straight out.

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Thanks guys, that was a moment of weakness, it's morning now I'm fine and I don't think I want to give it any head space. After all what if he's mentally unstable or something, I could decipher his behaviours for the rest my life and get nowhere! I will not contact him myself. I am just somewhat puzzled about what his real intention might be.

I do know, however, he's got some real problems at work (might lose it) but that of course is not really an excuse.

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For some reason I am having another really rough night, so contrary to my resolution to not ask him anything and not to get in touch at all (and I was very strong in the day time) sent an email titled Happy Valentines listing all the things he's done and continues to do to hurt and humiliate me and how much those things hurt and that I'm sorry and I can't do it any more. Completely sober too, but just couldn't restrain myself.


What have I done... Of course it's best to keep things to myself quietly but I just did it on some devious impulse. Probably tomorrow it's best for me not to wake up at all, now I'm too scared..

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