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Lost interest, no motivation...travel???


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I've slowly lost interest in every hobby I had. I've had a kind of evolution of interests. For example, when I was 18, I stopped playing video games and drawing and started to really get into learning languages which had interested me before, but not as much.


I used to spend a lot of time on Skype talking in Spanish and Portuguese, especially 2010-11. I felt like, "I'm going to become a Spanish or Portuguese teacher!! I love doing this!!" But ever since December 2011 I started to lose interest in Skyping and speaking Spanish. I mostly enjoy Portuguese still, but not as much. I would gladly talk in these languages if someone wanted, but I don't want to practice on whim.


I've been changing a lot. I used to have very severe anxiety, but that has diminished a lot but now I'm left with an empty feeling of low motivation and disinterest in most things. It's a mixture of feeling depressed and feeling nothing. Maybe internally I connect Skyping with how I used to feel, really anxious, and this is a "new chapter" or whatever.


But I have a dear friend from Brazil with whom I practice my Portuguese. I used to feel I was in love with him, but alas, that died as well (he's very in love with me and he knows my feelings). I still like him a ton as a friend! But yeah, I feel like I don't care if I ever have a boyfriend (never have). And it's sad because this guy is so incredibly patient and kind and he used to sit in our Skype calls virtually holding my hand as I went through anxiety crises. Without him I don't know how I would have survived those crises.


Here where I live I feel like I don't have any strong friendships. I rarely hang out with my two friends here, and there is a guy from Nepal who likes me but I'm not interested in him. I just wish I could be with my friend from Brazil because he really is my best friend. I know a lot of people are skeptical, but I've known this guy 1.5 years and he tells me everything that happens in his life (as do I to him).


I'm thinking about staying in Brazil so I can meet my best friend. Do you think this will help at all? I'm not even sure if I want to go honestly, but I always feel that way when if I go out anywhere. I don't want to but usually I end up glad I did.


Could this be the same thing? Could I get through this depression by staying in Brazil? Will uncover something in my life? I hear constantly that traveling helps you grow as a person. Or will it just be the same thing? What I'm seeking is to get through this haze I am in, just drifting with no purpose.

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