good lookin dude..with nothing to back it up

[GuiJ]

ok sooo for the past 3 - 4 yrs i havnt been able to really talk to anyone, i suffer from anxiety and it gets really bad when im on the spot which means everytime i talk to a girl i blush and instantly start panicking and end up saying something horribly stupid -____- which eventually just makes the convo between me n the girl go silent leading to that awkward moment i hate of pure silence..i have no problem talking to girls or getting ther attention..its just the big moment when it comes to asking her out or making the move..then is when i completely FAIL..

 

just wanted to kno if im doing something wrong i mean i could get laid at the bar or club but in order for me to accomplish that i have to be completely * * * * faced..buuut i dont wanna meet some chick at a bar im hoping to find that rite girl that would be worth it..

 

first time i ever write a thread hope i could get some help lol

-__- thnx

[laninaperdida]

If you're a good looking dude and aren't the best at closing the deal (i.e. asking a girl out) the best way to get a girl, hoe, or girlfriend is to spend time with her - under no pressure or obligations.

As time goes on if you can't do it, she eventually will.

True, a man without the balls or confidence to ask a girl out is a turn off, but only initially.

Once we get to know a guy we are more than happy to make that first step.

[rogersj1]

Well how old are you? it all comes down to experience.

[Generation]

I was just talking to my friend about this like 10 minutes ago. For him, it's like - he gets hit on, he knows what the situation is and what she wants, he gets nervous, starts to panic, doesn't know how to 'close the deal' and probably does stupid things, reflecting on it later.

 

My suggestion, practice makes perfect. Dating sites are a great way to practice because you can slow-mo everything. Even as I'm writing this out right now, I'm doing it in slow motion, gathering my thoughts and laying them down coherently. Plus you can field test like 100 things in a short amount of time. In the real world, not as easy. Once that's done, move on to the real world and if you can bring anything you learned from online to the real world, then that's great too. The whole point of online approach is so that you can work on the execution of what you wanna say, without messing up cause you're not on the spot, or if you are, you've got more time to think. Time is an issue. When we get nervous, we rush what we wanna say, and look away or blush and that sends the wrong message.

 

For me, online has made my game in real life so much better. Another thing is just having the self confidence to talk to them while maintaining a strong body language and composure. Just think of what it means to be cool.

[GuiJ]

ive had several dates that well be having a good time it seems like the time is rite and finally when the words come out they dont really sound as good as i pictured them too..i over think alot of things..and alot has to do that i cureently moved to a complete different state and i have no friends and know noone.. ive tried bars and ive got a couple girls to come over and talk vibe a lil but its that voice in the back of my head saying (if u picked her up this easy hmmmm)..now when i go for a try for a realtionship i kinda wanna be nice but at the same time girls like the assholes so try n mix match and that doesnt really seem to be workin lol..i just over think stuff and panic..

 

 

i have noticed that tho a dude without confidence is huge turn off and it get me kinda irratated that i can pick up girls from clubs, but not the average college or normal girl

[GuiJ]

21 but started going to 21 and up clubs back home at the age of 17 lol so in a kinda weird way i guess im more experienced with cougars ?

[GuiJ]

@Generation-Exactly!! when i started going out with my cousin, i would just be standing on the dance floor and the normal 25 30 yr olds would come up to me and just grab me to go dancing.. i eventually got used to that and when i moved out to Arizona it was all different i mean i could still pick up on a chick at a bar.. but the other day i met some girl at wallgreens and when i came up to pay she was kinda flirting with me so i asked her how her night was going and she smiled looked and said pretty good and just looked and me expecting me to say something in return..noticed someone was noticing panicked and left in a hurry..

[Generation]

lol you sound like my friend, he was at a coffee shop, pretty much the same scenario with you at Wallgreens, he even got a free drink and it was like there was a sign above her head in bright flashing lights saying "ASK ME OUT" but he didn't. It's like he was caught off guard. I guess rehearsing some dialogue would be helpful.

[laninaperdida]

It sounds like you don't have a problem getting attention,

The type of attention you're getting, however, doesn't seem to be what you want?

These girls are being obvious which is cool for some guys, but it doesn't seem to be what makes you tick.

You probably want to be "the man" in this situation and ask her out.

Nothing wrong with this.

Personally, I can't ask a guy out.

Not because I'm a feminist or shy, but because it's such a turn off for me to take the first step.

I'll drop hints, but in the end I need a guy to ask me out.

Does this sound like you or are the women hitting on you just not worthy of a date?

[bialoman]

Just through experience I guess. When ordering a coffee, in the store, at the bar - it doesn't have to be a woman you are attracted. Or even a woman at all. Just chat and you'll gain some small-talk experience and hopefully it'll help boast your confidence in these situations.

 

I was similar to you at your age. All my friends were dating and I was too shy to not just hit on a girl but to actually ask any questions of value. So although I may have been getting interest from my buddy's girlfriend's friends or asked to go on a date, after a few dates many of the girls would not be interested and it was mostly (from finding out from friends who knew) was that I was too nervous and had no confidence.

I wasn't shy at all and especially around guys or women that I was not attracted to, I could speak for North America but just in situations like dates or an attractive woman speaking, I'd freeze up, go red, and stutter or ask really bland questions or even something would come out that would be somewhere between a statement and a question.

 

I realised it was letting my down a lot. Not just in dating circumstances but in any environment being intimitated by attractive people. So I started to talk back to Wallmart staff when they would ask ''How are you today, sir?'' or when filling up gas, or whatever social environment I could find with members of the public.

 

Try reading some confidence books as well for ideas of how to start conversations.

[Jake]

Yeah I'm pretty horrible, this one time I went to hang out with some friends at the mall (I was like 18yrs old at the time) and I went to order a shake. The cashier gave me the biggest size shake when I ordered a medium (thing was huge must have been a XXL or something lol!) and my friends were also mysteriously standing all to the way side.

 

I thought it "odd" that my shake was so big and it never dawned on me as to why my friends had suddenly pulled themselves aside giving me space to talk to her till later.....

 

I mostly attest this problem due to my ADD and shyness. It's really embarrassing for me especially since I'm getting more experienced at speed reading people. So now it's like seeing the light turn green (repeatedly) at the intersection and every single time I (to my dismay) forget how to hit the gas (I go nowhere) - my brain just turns to stupid jello!

 

I also hate it because it only happens to me when I'm in the presence of a woman I fancy. If I talk to a woman I'm not attracted to - I can chat, joke and even flirt if push comes to shove but, overall, my nature is I am rather quite (I don't deny that).

 

To give an example of when I'm not attracted to a woman:

 

I was out with my friends at a restaurant and our waiter was complaining about her day and how busy she was and I decided to give her some attention since she was clearly looking for some from our table. So as she was walking away I turned around in my seat and said in a teasing tone, "well you'll not be getting any sympathy from me!" She turned around laughing and said, "oh you just stop it now!" I didn't continue flirting/teasing her the rest of the night because I didn't want to lead her on but you get the point in that I know what to say when it doesn't count!

 

When I fancy the girl all I can manage is maybe a smile and a, "hey how's it going" and the conversation is just so automated and stiff that I want to crawl into a hole and hide.