leon1311 Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 Today I saw a picture of my ex on facebook and I suddenly realised that I don't love her anymore, I looked at that picture for about 15 minutes, then I looked other pictures of her just to see if I would felt anything and I didn't felt anything similar to love or attraction. 3 months have passed from BU, is it normal to look at her pictures and to feel nothing similar to love??? Is it possible that I was lonely after she broke up, and that I was scared of meeting new girls? I didn't look at other girls at all, I just saw my ex in every girl and now I began to look new girls and they are so attractive again, why is this happening all of the sudden? I'm not so good at meeting new girls, what to do if I see someone who I like? How to approach new girls, should I just intruduce myself and ask for her name, what is the normal thing to do when I like someone and like to take her on a date? And can I meet girls in a library because I don't go to night clubs so often? If someone can answer me this I would be so thankful. Hm... There is one more strange emotion that I feel last 2 days, I actually feel thankful to my ex because I learned some important lessons, I was so unhappy and anxious with her. I wasn't myself, I acted the way she would like, and I didn't do things what I wanted to do, I was really depressed and I was miserable with myself and my life. That was one of the reasons why she left me. When you love someone you give your best to help that other person. She left me when things for me were the hardest. But when she left I was on my own and I had a lot of time to think about myself and my life. Now I am doing what I want, I am who I want to be and I don't really bother what she and others think of me. I am no longer looking for her and their approval. And I know that I will be a better boyfriend when I meet someone new. I still miss her, but not so hard as before, I think I miss her because I had a habit to see her and talk to her on the phone. I don't know if I am healed or not. This rolercoasters of emotions are getting more intense but shorter, and after the bad feelings pass, I feel better and better every time. I would like to send her a messagge or a letter to thank her for opening my eyes. I would like to wright her about what she put me trough, thank her for making me stronger and happier because of that, and I would like sincerely wish her luck and a happy life. I don't care if she is going to read it or reply on it, I just think that I need to do that so I can finally go on with my life and to find someone new some day. Is it ok if I send her this letter? Is it normal to actually feel thankful to somebody who made you hurt so much but in the same time taught you a lesson? I have so much questions, every answer will be so helpful for me. Link to comment
soybeans Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 I don't think you should send the letter even though it would be sort of a positive one, it could still come off as you sending breadcrumbs. If you really don't care if she will read it or not, then I would not send it. If you want, I would type it up and save it, read it over and keep it as a way for you to heal further. Your way of thanking her is by living your life now without her, stronger and happier on your own and making strides to becoming a better you. Link to comment
sandrawg Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 I wouldn't send it. Part of NC is to keep the power in the breakup. Anytime you send any kind of letter, it transfers the power to her. Be thankful you can look at photos of her and not feel nostalgia, love, or that you miss her. That means you've come a long way in your healing. Link to comment
dumPI Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 Watch out! Some days ago I was looking at our pictures and in the moment she just felt like a stranger to me. Then after some hours it hit me and I started again the whole ruminating process. Why did she say? Why did she do? What did I mean to her? blah blah blah. Link to comment
GreenCupcake Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 Watch out! Some days ago I was looking at our pictures and in the moment she just felt like a stranger to me. Then after some hours it hit me and I started again the whole ruminating process. Why did she say? Why did she do? What did I mean to her? blah blah blah. I'm with you on that. Several months ago I looked at pictures of my ex and I didn't feel anything. But a little over a month ago I saw a picture of the both of us together (on Youtube) and I cried hysterically. That night I talked to him just to get things off my chest but I made a quick recovery afterwards. Sometimes it hits you when you least expect it. I don't really know if your ex wants to hear you thank her since she is the one who broke up with you. Link to comment
learning2relax Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 Wonderful to hear that you have gotten to where you are and can appreciate what you the relationship and experience has taught you. In the spirit of continuing your journey, I would suggest that you write the letter and everything that you want to say in it. Then tuck it away. Don't send it to her. Just getting it out on paper really does help to get it out of your head vs. having the thoughts that you want to share rolling around and distracting you. You don't owe here anything and it won't bring you closure. It won't change anything. It may in fact cause her to respond and then you are only risking upset to your current state. Stay the course. Write it down, get it out, seal it in an envelope and then tuck it away where you don't run accross it. She doesn't deserve the credit for your growth and current happiness. You deserve it. Link to comment
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