Male point of view about NC

[newyear]

Dear Males, I want to hear your opinion on the effect of NC on you if you are the dumper.. and if you asked for it.? thanks for volunteering.

[daniel001]

Hey Newyear. So, actually, I think I'm the dumper...kind of. I said, 'well maybe we should break up', and she agreed so, whatever that means.

 

The effect of NC. I have not initiated contact since the BU. She has texted or emailed me quite a lot since - generally nothing much stuff. We have caught up three times (each time initiated by her). The only time I have contacted her was two nights ago to sort of apologise/explain a slightly strange situation that night.

 

So. I BU with her, sort of. I didn't contact her and she began contacting me. I now miss her a lot. It's been only two days since we last saw each other and she said she'd contact me about catching up for another dinner. Pretty much at the moment she doesn't contact me for a day and I begin to miss her.

 

If you're wondering whether NC touches the dumper? I think it depends on how the person feels about the relationship ending. If they think it was a good thing it ended then NC probably won't do much. If they regret the ending, then NC might make the other person miss them. BUT, NC is for allowing healing to occur - not to be part of a game of jealousy or anything like that.

 

My two cents.

 

Oh, and throughout the relationship i always said the once you break up with someone you don't see them because it is too hard and NC is the best way to get over the whole thing. I haven't contacted her. I however, am glad she is contacting me IF it leads to something good coming from it (i.e. I miss her and think I should do something about that but not sure what). So, effectively i did ask for it but she currently isn't assisting and really, neither am i because i reply to her and we catch up a couple of times. Hope this helps.

[newyear]

Hi Daniel001, thanks for giving time for answering my post. your situation is not exactly the same as mine. you see my boyfriend broke up for thinking I don't respect him and for not honouring a request he asked me to do. so now as he requested the NC then I feel I have to do what he said to prove to him that I do listen and so respect his requests. Its now 3 months BU, he stayed away all this period and I was the only one who initiated the contacting but all along he insisted that we finished. our relationship was so special and I know he has a massive feeling of guilt about breaking up and not being able to communicate because he said once that if I have done that (mistake ) again he will walk away. he did. Now he thinks he should stick to it. I know I am not adding alot of details to help you understand the situation. I am also defending him I think and in a way taking all the blame on me. so for me NC is requested by him as he said "to leave it to him" ie contacting. and to let him be the one to come back. I wish he comes back without me pushing as he promised. so my NC here is to show respect and give him the space he needed as perhaps I was too aggressive for him.