lookhelptty Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 We have been married for more than 10 years; large portion of it has been spent on career development. We have a 5 yr old kid. I love them dearly. My wife goes on and off when it comes to emotional outbursts. We both are highly degreed (univ edu), but some how seems we cant discuss things rationally. I am currently in a startup after a huge corporate gig until she settled down. She is the main bread winner, but 'do contribute and make up for that by putting in more efforts at house; 'never took a single penny without her knowledge; She never takes advice. If we offer, she feels offended. So 'stopped. Sometimes in lieu of advice, 'analyze a few things in front of her and let it go. But she feels 'am pointing things that are wrong. I appreciate her and say thank you every day; but when it comes to that emotional outburst (which comes in every 15 to 20 days), she thinks she is under appreciated. She brings up 10 years back past, and beats me up in the arguments. When we cool down, she agrees not to bring past. [bTW, past something about her mixing with my family; she thinks 'am a weakling when it comes to my parents and myside family; confuses my interaction as submission to myside family; realizing this, myside family stayed away on the sidelines from her and me]. I am not a cheater, drinker, smoker but loving sincere dad and husband. We went to counseling but the counselor wasnt that effective. Now every time, her emotional outburst comes out, she brings up divorce. I say to her "cant couple argue without bringing up divorce in to the picture?". She cries a loud for no reason atleast to me looking for mountains out of moles. Simple things that normal people ignore are her pet-peves to beat me up with during arguments. I tell her 'was expressing myself, noway 'am arguing. If you dont like just ignore me was what 'tell her constantly. And now 'restrict myself to very short expressions and careful not to drag on. Can someone help me how to steer us from this rut? When she is back to normal from the outburst, she is the best and apologizes to me. From my side ' promised her to get out of the startup and take a regular job. but she is impatient. I asked for a couple of months for me to settle down, but she is eager to move out. She right now feels very powerful to steer this. I now see the "I" factor predominant than "We". Yes, whether 'like it or not, money is now probably a center stage besides her "moles out of mountains" arguments. I cannot believe that, just because my (startup) pay-off is a bit long-term she wants to move on with "wealthier" folks. Reminds me of Sienfeld's, where "Elene" was dumped as soon as "the guy becomes doctor". Ofcourse, 'realize we are in capitalistic world (not fooling myself). I helped her during her darkest "career dev" days; now this is what I get paid back with. However, 'am also equally qualified, but great potential (techie), just that economy is not helping us too. Dont want to blame external factors, but my goals: 1. What is the best way to convince her that 'still got what it takes to make her happy (yes, buy diamonds and go on trips), but just need to be patient for a few months to get things back on track 2. Avoid arguments during her emotional outburts (she drags me into it when 'constantly look for timeouts) 3. Finally, not to precipitate her threat to move out soon. Is there any good advice for me on this forum to work this out on my own? I am running out of time and options. I stay tuned with lot of GRATITUDE for any good advice on this forum. Thanks. Someday 'will be (hopefully) giving back to community. Thanks again. Link to comment
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