dbhustla Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 latley the past 3-4 days its like i have this numb feeling in my heart. i remember a week ago and for the past 4 months it was like walking around with a dager in my heart and i would cry, but that feeling is gone. I am wondering is it me finally accepting the BU and healed? Or is it part of the healing process to feel NUMB? In the recent days she hasnt been on my mind as much, instead of every few minutes now im going hours before i start thinking about her. And the thing is even a wk ago when she texted me i was anxious and heart was racing, but when sh texted me today ( about crediat card money owed) i didnt get sappy and she asked how was i and said good im doing real good im over it now and accept the situation. Dont know why i said that to her but thats what i started to text back. I know im not 100% over it by anymeans but my heart as of now doesnt hurt its just numb. I donnt wanna speak to fast and jinx myself but i know im feeling 100% percent better then i was even 5 days ago... i have been takling to an old flame that takes my mind of things alot too. Oh and when i asked her how she was doing she said" just tired" and "alot of things going on" i asked if she was happy and her reply was "thats the goal" i replied to have goals is one thing but are you happy?? she didnt respond to that answer and then said "having a hard time with change" (she told me a almost 2 wks ago she had to let me go for someone new) then she told me to listen to a song by coldplay the scientist.... hmmmm wonder if things arent going as expected for her?? but either way im feeling good and im not a emotional wreck and i feel the damage has been done and she has gotten what she asked for and thats for me to move on... or atleast starting to.. Link to comment
newyear Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 I am in NC now for two weeks, BU since 3 months. I am sure that numbness, gripping feeling in the heart and the stomach will disappear. but I don't know if healing means no chance we will get back together again.. does healing means this 3 years relationship is about to fad away and get forgotten.. Really NC is for us to heal but what about if we want to still have another chance. although he initiate the BU it was so painful for him.. and he asked for the NC so that he can be the one to decide to come back .. but I am afraid will this NC help him to heal and forget me. I am tortured. Link to comment
dbhustla Posted February 12, 2012 Author Share Posted February 12, 2012 I am in NC now for two weeks, BU since 3 months. I am sure that numbness, gripping feeling in the heart and the stomach will disappear. but I don't know if healing means no chance we will get back together again.. does healing means this 3 years relationship is about to fad away and get forgotten.. Really NC is for us to heal but what about if we want to still have another chance. although he initiate the BU it was so painful for him.. and he asked for the NC so that he can be the one to decide to come back .. but I am afraid will this NC help him to heal and forget me. I am tortured. well NC can be used not just for you to heal and him but time away will either bring you guys back or it will show that it wasnt meant to be. its a coin toss but cant have any expectations. use NC to YOUR advantage dont worry about it , it will happen if its meant to be, or you will be happy without him thats what i focus on, no worries, no expecations. Link to comment
learning2relax Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 The separation that is NC is so important to separate yourself from the pain. If you stay in contact, you are re-open the wound each time and suffer needlessly. If there is any opportunity for another chance at a relationship with this person, you both have to move past the past. Keeping to yourselves, avoiding the temptation of the quick fix by reconciling vs. healing keeps you on the right path. A path to being better, stronger and healthier for it. Your ex has the same opportunity. Yes, the torturous thoughts that they will forget about you is horrifying and very scary. However, they don't. Anyone significant in your life is not forgotten. It doesn't provide the promise that the relationship will be re-established at some point in the future. That is the real fear. The thing to remember is that there were reasons it came to an end. There is always silver lining in the cloud - even in the worst of times. The problem is that that lining is hard to identify and sometimes take time to see it. But it will reveal itself in time. I have never not found it. Even when I have had experiences that I had no faith that one existed. It is there. Have faith. Move forward taking the best care for yourself that you can. If you two meet up in the future, you will be a stronger, healthier and more confident person at that time and that is attractive. It puts you in the best position possible if reconciliation is in the cards. Try and trust yourself and that you will be better for the experience. Try to keep the fears from taking over and allow yourself to heal. Link to comment
dbhustla Posted February 12, 2012 Author Share Posted February 12, 2012 i guess my question why did she want ne to listen to that song?? for me to understand where she is at with the BU?? Link to comment
learning2relax Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 Does it matter? If it was for that reason, does it change anything? No, it doesn't. Who knows why? It isn't important. What is important and what is a better investment of your energy is to focus on what you need to move past this and to heal from it. Focusing on her and attempting to interpret things that she can't otherwise express directly is not a good use of your time and energy. It takes the focus away from you. You have to be the priority at the moment. Link to comment
dbhustla Posted February 12, 2012 Author Share Posted February 12, 2012 Does it matter? If it was for that reason, does it change anything? No, it doesn't. Who knows why? It isn't important. What is important and what is a better investment of your energy is to focus on what you need to move past this and to heal from it. Focusing on her and attempting to interpret things that she can't otherwise express directly is not a good use of your time and energy. It takes the focus away from you. You have to be the priority at the moment. yea your right and if anything its probably just a bread crumb, but i had another question is the numbness i feel, is itnormal during healing procoess of is is because i except it , and i know shes not coming back?? its just strange how emotional and how much it hurt a week ago and todays and yesterday no hurt?? Link to comment
learning2relax Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 normal yes. However, emotional healing is not linear. You don't move from one phase to the other through to acceptance and moving on. Nope - this is the stinker of the situation. You feel better one day, worse the next, etc. There are more violent peaks and valleys in the beginning but they start to even out as you move forward. The other thing that tends to upset the process is contact. That is why so many advise against it. It can set you back and then you go through more upset because of it. So while you feel numb today, you may not feel numb tomorrow. And if you don't, don't give up hope that you will get there - just keep moving forward and care for yourself. That is the best I can offer. It all comes down to time. There are no shortcuts either......it is a bummer but everything happens for a reason - or so I believe. Link to comment
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