Great Advice

[ghengisT]

Sometimes relationships can feel suffocating, and one cure for that is to disengage long enough to decide whether to go back with new appreciation for the lover, or whether freedom feels like the better option.

 

Problem is, it's not fair to ask someone to wait around. In fact, that can feel suffocating too, because the SO wants to know how long, exactly, you'll need apart--when you have no idea. So breaking up means taking the risk that you'll lose the SO. That's worth the risk in cases where the suffocation will only ruin everything anyway.

 

I'd avoid pursuing the SO to try to get her back, or the suffocated feeling will only continue. In fact, it's worse to feel that you remain responsible for another's happiness. Instead, I'd surprise everyone (including myself) with my resiliency and ability to move on and start a great life on my own. This increases your SO's respect along with her curiosity, and if she decides that she wants to reconcile, she'll have no trouble letting you know this.

 

Short of that, I'd cut all contact and give her a full taste of what life will be like without you in it. No 'friendzies', no 'support', no contact--period. That middle-of-the-road stuff only keeps someone comfortable without any need to miss you, and it's the prefect way to damage her respect for you. I'd reach for my best dignity as I leave her to figure out where she stands on her own.

 

Head high.

 

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Originally posted by Catfeeder:

[learning2relax]

So true. Some of us learn this the hard way - but as long as we learn and take the lesson with us to do even better if we encounter the same circumstances in the future. Thanks for sharing.