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i need some advice before baby is born!!


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I've been dating this guy for almost 2 years now. I really like him and he tells me he loves me everyday. We're expecting in April. The problem? He's been living with his "ex" and kid the entire time we've been dating. He tells me he doesn't want to be with her and that he just lets her stay there so that he can see his daughter. No body knows about us. I don't want to push him to kick out his ex because she will take his daughter with her, but i can't live like this anymore. I really don't want to break up with him and everytime i get mad and say i'm going to, he calls or comes by and i can't bring myself to do it. I really want to figure something out before the baby is born. This is not healthy for me or my daughter or my unborn baby.. Someone help me please!

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And how do you know it's really his "ex"? What this sounds like to me is he's still actually with her and you're the other woman. You and he aren't out publicly as a couple so he's clearly keeping you a secret. Sorry to say but you are being played.


Break up with him and focus on yourself and your baby. You already know the situation is very unhealthy so start taking steps to create a new life for yourself.

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I agree. There are all sorts of weirdo/non-traditional situations in life and that's ok. But if he's living with her AND she doesn't know about you? She's not his "ex".


I think you should get out of this situation now.


PS: There are laws about custody. So... living with his ex to see his child is phooey. He has a legal right to see his child. He just needs to see a lawyer. It's just a bad excuse to keep you placated...

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I can't bite my tongue here!

Sorry for the judgement, but I'm extremely opinionated when it comes to girls who do this.

You got prego by a guy when he never admitted he was with you and was living with his ex?

I'm 99% sure nothing good will come of this life you've set up for yourself.

If you keep holding onto the idea of him, that is.

And of you or a family.

Poor kid,

You really set yourself up, girl.

It's like you tried to take the LSAT without studying or something.

Did you expect to get into law school?

I hope not,

Weird analogy, I know, but it's kind of hard to have sympathy for someone bringing a child into this world on purpose under those circumstances.

Shame on you, I say.


However, what's done is done and you need help.

What's there to figure out?

You're going to be on your own,

I'm sorry, but you're going to be a single mother.

He may pick the baby up and take them one weekend now and then, but I hope you're not expecting a ring.


Please, for the sake of you and your baby, get your life together outside of him.



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hatesthis, I know that we might be coming accross as very harsh. But you need to hear what we are saying. This guy is no good. You know how a child on the way and that is where ALL of your energy needs to be going. Get everything in order and be prepared to take him to court for child support. He is probably going to try and deny its his kid once people in his life find out about you and the baby. So be prepared to get a DNA test done.


Since he is living with his GF (or wife, she could be either) you don't have to worry about kicking him out which is a plus. I highly recommend you go see a therapist to help work through all the emotions I'm sure you are feeling.

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it's just really hard because he has givin me a ring and he does things to try to prove that he wants to be with me.. i appreciate everyone being hard because i do need to hear it. i had just gotten out of a bad relationship and then i met him and he promised me the world. i guess i've just let his lies get to my head.. it's still extremely difficult. i'm already raising a child on my own and i definitely don't want to raise 2 one my own..

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Its interesting that you are already raising one child on your own. I think you need to take a good hard, honest, look at the kinds of relationships you end up in. There seems to be a pattern here.


Again, my recommendation is to break up with him and go see a therapist. And don't get into another relationship for a very long time. Be single and raise your kids. Don't have anymore kids until there is a ring on your finger and the vows have been said, THAT is commitment.

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Honey, you're most likely going to have to raise 2 on your own.

Just don't make it 3!

Learn from the last 2 "relationships" that left you with children.

Something's gotta change and I think it's your head.

Take someone's advice on here and seek professional help.

I'm sorry they sold you the dream.

I really am,

But make some phone calls and get help.


I fear for your babies and all of the things they will miss out on if you don't get together.

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You can buy a ring with teeny-tiny diamonds for $50. If you were in a relationship or married and wanting a mistress on the side, it might be worth $50 to string her along... Get the ring appraised. LOL! Ok... just kidding, of course.


So - why did he say he's still with her again and that she can't know about you? Is he hoping she'll agree with the breakup?

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i have my little girl and i'm going to be having a boy so i plan on getting fixed because i obviously attract the wrong men. the hard part is both men asked me to marry them so i fall for it.. i told myself to wait a while before dating after it happened the first time but i didnt listen so i'm going to have to force myself to do it this time. i just dont know how to break up with him.

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Hatethis, what you really need to do in the future is start paying attention to the red flags. It's not so much about what a person says, it's about how they act towards you. How they treat you. The most obvious red flag here was that he was still living with his "ex" and child whilst dating you AND more importantly, not telling her about you. Secondly, nobody else knows about the two of you. There comes a point in a relationship where you expect to meet friends and family and if that doesn't happen, you walk. Then there's the fact he was willing to have a child with you even though the two of you didn't have any kind of stable set up. I mean what was gonna happen? Was he gonna suddenly bring you round to his parents house when you had the baby and say "hey I've got a couple of people here I want you to meet". Was he going to introduce his other child to the baby in the same way?


I'm sorry you're in this situation now and it's clear you made bad choices, but a lot of people do. You're certainly not the first woman to be taken in by false promises. The best thing you can do is learn from this and keep a closer eye out for red flags the next time.

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You should dump him immediately because he is a player. You are going to have a baby and from now on it is important to be the very best role model for that child and that means setting healthy limits and sometimes breaking up when needed. A child deserves to be around quality people.


Now is the time to get some legal advice on child support and custody! You can bet that when the gf or "ex" finds out then the $&@& will hit the fan. If she kicks him out then you need to be prepared to firmly say NO if he wants to move in with you.


From now on have the self respect to walk away if someone is not quite available and hopefully you will attract a better quality of man in the future. And you deserve that respect so expect it in your next relationship!


Get some legal advice and counseling because you are going to need both.

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You had the right idea to say you would not date him unless he was single. You just did not follow through with it well enough! Next time make sure he is single as best as you can...


On another note, he does not sound like much of a catch... Ugh... Do you really want to be with a player like that?


Be sure to slap him with child support payments. Everyone will find out about the baby then, I suppose...

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Won't people wonder who the babydaddy is? And what if the kid looks remarkable like his father? I know its scary but you might be better off just dealing with this now. Maybe its the people in your town but I don't see why they would hate you. He bought you a ring right? So that's what you tell people, "He proposed to me."

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I think counseling will be very helpful to give you the skills to recognize the healthier potentials and the unhealthy ones. And it will teach you how to say no and set limits.


You will need these skills as a parent anyway. And I think you are already on the right track because you are asking the questions here - the first step is in awareness.


Besides counseling I recommend two books for you: "He is Just Not Into You" which might help you see how we sometimes twist things around. The other book is called "Act Like a Lady and Think Like a Man" by Steve Harvey. He goes through scenarios and illustrates how you could set healthy limits to attract a healthy respectful relationship. He helps you to raise the bar.


Always think of your children because they will learn from what you do. So now is the time to let go of old unhealthy habits and move forward into a better life!

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