Why is it so hard?

[theface71]

Well here it is another Friday night and quel surprise I am over thinking again. I am thinking how I have been told on numerous occasions that I deserve better but I am still having trouble coming to that fact. Maybe it is because it has only been 2 months since the BU. Maybe it is because all I can think about is her good qualities. Does anybody else sometimes think the cliche really doesn't convince you that you indeed deserve better? Or am I just the only neurotic one here thinking that...Just another irrational thought...

[chickydoodle]

Well only you can decide if you 'deserve better'. Other people saying it helped me initially but over time i'm thinking they dont understand the connection we had. No-one can understand the connection 2 people experience in a RS. Everyones is different. I think that even with RShps that last , if one listed the flaws of their partner , people would still say 'you deserve better'. On paper anyone can be made to look bad. Esp with a BU we tend to highlight their flaws. No one is perfect , and unless it is an abusive RS the UDB line isnt that helpful.

Also we all have different views on what 'better' actually entails. For many it is committment to marriage, kids....etc when personally for me this doesnt mean'better'.

So i'm with you there. People tend to apply their own perspective/opinions when really it is yours that counts, regardless of what anyone says.

Then there are those who say it to comfort you without giving it much thought.

There is no easy way for someone to end a RS if the Love is gone.

Probably the most evolved way to work thru' it all is to acknowledge you have lost something beautiful, something you cherished and give thanks for the beautiful moments. Better to have experienced them than not - in spite of the pain or hurt, deceit , betrayal....at the end.

[TessaB]

I feel you, theface. It is difficult and it takes time. The reality is that you (and anyone) deserve better than someone who would leave you.

 

You will get there though and soon you won't be thinking only the 'good' things about her. You'll start thinking about what could have been different, but that maybe it would have resulted in the same outcome. And then, in time, will likely not think much about it, or when thinking, you'll think without the sadness, anger, bitterness or whatever. I'm hoping that's how it happens.

 

I know it sucks, I am going through the same thing. I have people telling me the same thing, building me up, giving me compliments....and still when I look in the mirror, I don't see it, I don't see it for myself. I used to, and now I'm lost. But, you just have to remember that you do have a great support system (it sounds like) and you can pull yourself out of this!

[dumPI]

funny, that's just the thought our exes had in their minds: "you deserve better" and didn't need anyone to tell them. And then they left.

[FreeFallFeelin]

People try to build you up by saying "you deserve better" but you don't feel that way - because you got dumped. Being dumped is a huge hit to the ego. It's flat out rejection. You're forced to look at your self and ask "what was so wrong about me that they dumped me?" The hard truth is that most dumpers have good reasons for dumping (the specifics aren't important here), and you should take a hard look at yourself. Figure out what your faults were, what you need to work on, and what your mistakes were, so you can improve yourself. It's very painful to let your ego lay on the ground while you admit to yourself that you could have done better, and realize that it was partially your fault that the RS failed. And really, it's not that you need someone "better" ...just "different".

 

With that said, it's also important to realize that the ex also has faults, weaknesses, and mistakes. It's not all your fault that you got dumped. Take a hard look at your self, but don't obsess and beat yourself up. You're human, and mistakes are natural. Learn and grow from them.

[dumPI]

And the thing is when you love, you don't want better. You might find better, or you might not. But you are not even searching for it.

So "yes, I maybe deserve better" but I already was happy with the "bad" I had by my side.