Fair Weather Friends

[Angel Irulan]

I wonder what you think of fair weather friends? This year I've been hit hard by the realization that many of my friendships are truly superficial and the least thing can send them off the rails. An example, my friend Mary was at a store with me and told me off because I did not hand the bills to the cashier, but put them down right in front of her on the counter. She had an absolute fit right then and there. I'd been wondering about her anyway, because sometimes when I saw her it was at work and she acted like she didn't want to see me, she made no eye contact...I was thinking either she's depressed or she just doesn't like me. Instead of being damned with faint praise, I was damned for a faint faux pas, if it even was. (I work with money and that type of thing does not bother me.) I had another friend who was an online pal for for over twelve years and then I started noticing that when I was on a website and she was as well, I always had trouble with trolls, stalkers,etc. I decided to bail on her. That left me with one in town friend and I really share nothing with her except pets and our dads were mean to the family.

 

I decided that I need to go out and make all new friends. My Facebook pals are in another city and really are from another part of my life, we are not in touch except to make a Facebook post here and there. I moved away years ago, and through jobs I've been in three cities in the last decade. My life consumes all my time and I have no idea how to make new friends as a single person who is job hunting. (No bucks to go to new places or find a few new hobbies.)

 

Has anyone ever been in this situation? What did you do? How strange is it to be socially somewhat isolated as an older woman?

[The_Seeker]

All my friends are superficial.

 

All of them have good and bad qualities.

 

They only want me to have them as my only friend because I happen to be reliable and a good person.

 

Past 2 years i learned a lot of myself. I do what I like now. I could care less. I don't let them use me anymore because when I ask them to help me they just brush it off. None of my girlfriends wanted to show up to celebrate my birthday when I did for theirs.

 

I only attend special events birthday/wedding. For hanging out? I got other things to do so I can stand on my two feet.

 

I'm planning to make new friends after I pass my exam.

[Hollyj]

I met a lot of friends through volunteering-good, reliable people. Very rewarding. Also, most cities offer free entertainment and event options. i would also look into link removed

[laninaperdida]

I'm usually the friend (i.e. the indifferent one who texts you back when I feel like it) people write posts about so I'll try and provide a response from this perspective.

 

It's not that we don't like you.

We just like whatever we do in life more.

A lot more.

We're also very independent people and could almost care less if we keep in touch with you when we're done whatever brought us together.

(Class, work placement, whatever.)

 

For example, my friend and I decided to start going to the gym again.

We want to go to get healthy and whatnot, but we're also looking to try and meet new people outside of the club scene.

She asks me to go everyday.

I say no.

But then I go the same day - without her.

Why?

Because she has a kid so the most convenient time for her to go is in the morning.

I understand this.

I respect this.

But I'd rather go when I feel like it even if it means I don't get to see her.

Basically, me sleeping in until 11 AM is more important than going to the gym with her.

It's nothing personal to her.

I'd just rather sleep in and go in the evening when it's really busy.

(Different vibe in the evening, I swear.)

 

Some quasi friends aren't bad people.

They just do what they want to do when they want to do it.

They don't care if they go with 10 people or solo.

A lot of the reasons people get upset by us is because they are bothered that we don't care about them as much as they care about us.

 

You can't make a BFF out of everyone, you know?

It's best to just accept people for who they are and not be bothered by what they do or don't do.

[Angel Irulan]

I am not her pal any longer. I had enough with this second episode. It was so disrespectful.

Thanks for your replies.

 

Angel