Guys Ever been stalked by your girl's ex?

[enzarto]

Okay so may not actually be happening but listen to reason. I met this girl a couple weeks ago and things have seemed pretty smooth sailing, just going through the 'get to knows' and what not. But today she scared me with this message this morning concerning a mutual friend that just so happened to be her 'creepy ex man'. So i'm an artist, and her ex messaged me a couple weeks ago wanting to know if i could do some work for him. i eventually added him (have NEVER spoken to him, didn't even respond to that message--mainly cuz ive just been occupied). then i changed my profile pic and right when i did, the girl i'm talking to (his ex-girl) made a comment about her being attrracted to me.

 

immediately after he 'liked' (in effect of sarcasm) what she said. but later on sent a message to her phone, a text, saying i don't like the way you're talking to that guy [me], you "rhymes with floor", among other horrible things. he in the past has also texted her saying he's at her house--like super creepy ish like that, wanting her back and so on, along with insults--strange.

 

so then she sent me message like i said before going 'why are you friends with him, how do you know him, delete him'. and she told me it was the ex and so on. now that's SUPER messed up to me, how is it that around the same time we met, he added me to FB? do you guys think there's something else up? i have no clue whats going on, when she tells me those horrible things i can't do anything i have no control i just have to observe, she has control and shes a big girl she can make the right decisions or actions if shes bothered enough.

 

what do i do? i really like this girl but i feel like something's just up, is it just a coincidence? i come from a very large city, and of all men or people that can message me it was him within 72 hrs AFTER meeting this great girl. what are your thoughts?

[In the Dark]

Yes.

 

An ex's ex bf had connections in her township, which kept an eye on my ex.

He would then send her messages, saying that he see her with me etc etc....

 

One morning he even turned up drunk to the apartment and tried to make himself at home and a challenge against me, so I would have to confront him and tell him to get out.

Probably in hopes of getting in a fight as well.

 

Actually most likely to try and get me to fight him.

[enzarto]

Yes.

 

An ex's ex bf had connections in her township, which kept an eye on my ex.

He would then send her messages, saying that he see her with me etc etc....

 

One morning he even turned up drunk to the apartment and tried to make himself at home and a challenge against me, so I would have to confront him and tell him to get out.

Probably in hopes of getting in a fight as well.

 

Actually most likely to try and get me to fight him.

 

Sounds like he is trying to get under your skin. So he decided that commiting a crime was a good thing. Almost makes you wonder how the previous relationship even happened.

[enzarto]

Wow I guess my thread must've missed everyone or never showed up on a feed.

[In the Dark]

It showed up on the feed : /

 

But yeah he was a shady character and my ex likes the bad boys despite the grief she had been put through.

 

Drugs, violence, dysfunction was involved in her relationship with that guy.

He liked being that way because it made him appear like a bad arse, there fore made people fear him.

 

But my ex told me the truth about him, so I had no fears.

[SeattleSigh]

I haven't ever been stalked by an ex of a partner, but I did have one interesting run in with my ex's former boyfriend during the first few months I was dating her.

 

I was in her bed and woke because I felt a faint pounding vibrating through her bed frame. It took me a minute to get my wits about me, but when I did, I thought it was strange and so I decided to investigate. It was about four in the morning after a night of drinking, but I still got up out of her bed and walked out of her room into the living room, where I could tell that the pounding was a light rapping on her front door.

 

As soon as I realized that the noise was coming from my ex's front door, I heard a light moaning sound, followed by my ex's name drunkenly slurred and the sentence, "I need you." I walked closer to the door, and looked through the spy whole. I could just make out the top of a head. I pretty quickly surmised that it was my ex's most recent ex. He continued to moan and plead for my ex, and he started complaining about his hands. I could see through the spy whole that they were covered in blood.

 

I went back into the bedroom where my ex asked me if everything was ok. I told her that her ex was really drunk and was crying at the door and that his hands were all bloody. Panic and concern flooded over her face. It was really clear that this wasn't something she was ready to deal with. I asked her if she wanted me to deal with it, and she said yes.

 

I gave her a quick hug and a kiss and tucked her back into bed to reassure her and walked back out in to the living room. I was a little concerned that my ex's ex was going to be really violent considering that he was drunk and had blood all over his hands, but I wanted to protect my ex and I am a much larger and stronger man than my ex's ex.

 

I said my ex's ex's name and told the guy that he was talking to me. He knew who I was. We had met once. It took him a minute to process the information because he was college freshmen end of the night frat dude drunk. When he finally made sense of the situation, he demanded to speak to my ex. I calmly told him that my ex didn't want to see him and that he should go. He didn't like hearing that from me, and so he started to raise his voice and yell for my ex. My ex stayed in her room, and I firmly told him that he wasn't going to see her. I told him that she was really scared and that he needed to go.

 

The guy hung around for a few more minutes, still pleading to see my ex. I kept calming telling him that it wasn't going to happen. Finally, he got frustrated with me and moved off down the hallway. I waited a few minutes and went back to my ex's room. She was scared, but I got her back to sleep after letting her know that her ex had left. I wouldn't think I would be able to sleep, but it was really early in the morning, we had been drinking the night before, and I think her body slept to protect her from her emotions.

 

I was amped after what had happened, so I couldn't sleep. I was wide awake when there was more knocking at the door a few minutes later. I went out into the living room ready to run her ex off again, but a different, sober voice was calling out. It was a guy who lived down the hall from my ex who my ex was sort of friends with and had hooked up with once. I opened the door and the guy told me that he had my ex's ex in his apartment and wanted to know what to do with him. I stepped out into the hall and closed the door so as not to wake my ex. I was committed to ensuring that she stay asleep.

 

The guy was a nice dude who had heard my ex's ex crying and so he let him in. I didn't want to inconvenience the guy any further, especially considering it was early in the morning, and it was kind of awkward because the last three guys my ex had been with where all right there. I told him to bring my ex's ex out and I would take care of him and ensure that he was safe. He went back to his apartment to get my ex's ex and I turned around and grabbed the handle of my ex's apartment door and tried to turn the knob.

 

I was locked out, and I had left my keys, phone, and wallet in my ex's apartment. I didn't want to knock on the door to get my ex up because I didn't want to get her up and because I didn't want her ex seeing her, so I turned back around and walked down the hallway to where the neighbor lived. Just as I got to the door the two came out.

 

My ex's ex was very upset upon seeing me and looked like he was considering trying to fight me, but I told him not to even think about it in a very firm voice that belayed the fact that I was completely confident in my ability to defend myself without getting hurt in the slightest. Luckily, it got through his drink sloshed brain.

 

I told my ex's ex that I was walking him out of the building and that I was going to put him in a cab and send him home. He didn't like it and started freaking out, but I got him walking down the stairs to the front of the building. That's when I noticed he didn't have any shoes. At that point, I had to turn back and ask the neighbor if I could borrow cash because I was locked out. The dude gave me some money, and I headed back downstairs after my ex's ex.

 

Once he saw that I was following him, he became even more enraged and left the building. I should have just let the guy go at that point, but I had told the neighbor that I would put my ex's ex in a cab and I was genuinely worried that my ex's ex would do something that would hurt himself or someone else, which I knew would destroy my ex when she found out in the morning and so I followed my ex's ex outside.

 

I didn't have a phone, so I couldn't call a cab, so I told the guy we were going to walk up to a main street and were going to flag down a cab. He was still really pissed off and started to walk away. I followed and spent the next hour and a half following the guy from one random place to another. He even tried to hide in bushes on the side of a freeway on ramp at one point, but I wasn't going to let the guy alone until he was safely on his way home and out of the area where my ex lived.

 

Finally, I followed the guy to a bridge that led out of the neighborhood. I still tried to get him a cab, especially because he wasn't wearing shoes, but he insisted that he was going to walk home. I knew that was the best I could hope for at that point, but that he lived far away and that the walk would be hard enough drunk and without shoes. He was messed up and I didn't want him attracting any attention from cops, so I gave him my shoes and gave him the money and told him to flag down a cab if he got tired of walking. He turned and walked off accross the bridge.

 

I stayed for a few minutes to ensure that he wasn't going to try and come back to my ex's apartment, and then went back myself. The situation turned out fine. My ex was shaken the next day when I told her the whole story of what had happened, but we found out later her ex had made it home safely.

 

My ex and I went on to date for four years and developed a really deep bond, but things came apart due to stressors, bad choices, and inexperience. Now she is my ex and I miss the girl a lot. She was my best friend, and I have never felt so deeply about anyone, and I have struggled with NC...but I know that I am not going to show up at her apartment begging to get her back or do anything too extreme because I have seen how deeply those sorts of actions can hurt an ex (and negatively impact how a girl views a guy).

[BlueEagle]

Once you get into an exclusive relationship, be very careful about someone's exes getting in the middle of your relationship. It sounds like you are just dating now. But if she is committed to you and serious about your relationship then she has an obligation to block him from her life. Would it be fair to her if one of your exes started getting in the way? Of course not. Interfering exes can ruin your current relationship, but she has to take a stand and not allow it to occur. Some people thrive on getting attention from others (even exes) interested in them because it's an ego boost. It's best to nip it in the bud before it gets out of hand. I speak from a somewhat similar experience. My last girlfriend was stressed from her ex contacting her and putting a restraining order on her. Yet this bothered her because she claimed he was making stuff up. If he was as bad as she claimed he was and did that many menacing things to her and her family then she really shouldn't have been so bothered with a supposedly bogus restraining order (which obviously means "stay away from me and do not contact me!") he put on her. My suspicions were raised and after a fight she left me and went back to this very man. So, my advice to you is tread carefully.