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Trying to heal -- could use some advice

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I've posted my story in other threads but I'll put it all in once place.


Ex and I dated for almost 1.5 years. We are both very very close to 30. We met two years after he got out of a 4 year long relationship. I believe she cheated but never was able to confirm; in fact, she was quickly married to her "rebound" guy which led me to believe the cheating was happening. I always got the impression that he was not quite over it but I didn't want to prod.


In the time we were together we never once fought. Maybe we had a slight disagreement but it was nothing big. I knew he wanted to take things slow so I let him make all big moves (e.g. i didn't ask him to meet my parents until he was ready, etc.). He started pulling away from me around March of last year. He gave me the song and dance of just having gotten out of a serious relationship, he didn't know where he was going with his life, it wasn't fair to me blah so we broke up. About a month later, he came back out of nowhere. He missed me, etc etc. We got back together. Things were going very well for the majority of the summer then again in the end of August he broke up with me. Same song and dance, he didn't know where he was going with his life, I'm wonderful and so great to him but he has to break up with me because he's not being fair to me. Then comes October, he gets in touch, wants to be with me finds himself "having trouble staying away from me". I'd say that we were good for the first two months then he started in again. This time around I was much less patient with his distant nonsense. I started getting more snippy and passive aggressive with him because I could feel him distancing himself again. At one point I told him that I loved him and he didn't say it back (OUCH). He became distant again, then broke up with me. He said that this time, it's different, he feels enormous pressure to move forward with our relationship from his family and from me (funny, I've never said a word about taking the relationship to another level). He also said that he was upset because I told him that I went on online dating sites after he broke up with me in August and that bothered him because clearly that meant I was looking for another level type relationship. Actually, it was to help me get over HIM!


I did the usual freaking out "no don't break up with me I know this isn't want you want." He started crying told me that its not but he HAS to do it for me. BS! We actually got in our first "fight" the next night on the phone because I was drunk and yelling (talk about pushing him away!). So two nights later, I sent him a text saying that he was right about the break up, its for the best, I deserve better than someone who is constantly going to break up with me and it's just not working out. He responded by saying that i didn't have to apologize and that he really cares about me, thats all. Somewhat generic.


At this point I just want to heal. Its over I can't deal with someone like this in my life anymore. But unfortunately I do care about him. I'm not sure if the text was the right thing to do so soon.


Anyway, this is more of me venting, I want to get over it and move on. I've signed up for an online dating site again just to get myself out there. Many of my friends are engaged, married, etc and don't go out anymore. Its really difficult to meet someone even as a rebound. Am I doing the right thing? Was the text the right thing to do so soon?


Thanks in advance everyone.

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I had a revelation this morning -- I know exactly why we broke up THREE times. I let myself get to dependent on hanging out with him and forgot myself. I forgot my friends and did everything to please him. Guys don't like that, they want the chase. I made it way too easy for him and was too "nice". I bought the book "Why Men Love B***hes" and it totally just clicked for me. Ladies, read that book!!

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I would not get hung up on this break up being about YOU. It seems like it is more about him. Many times people dont let go of one till there is another. Very common.


In yourcase, I would read all the books to get some insight on why...however, in the end...the relationship is OVER. You cant change the past and anything you DO now is not going to matter in the least. It wont bring back a btter feeling for you to continue to dwell on the past.


You even said you are going on an on line dating site...THAT's GREAT!!! Get out there and find out just how sexy and fantastic you are again. It sure will feel nice when someone is atttracted to YOU and wants to be with YOU for the "nice" girl YOU are. Put this dolt behind you and find a better guy that is a better fit for the person you are.

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