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Changing my lifestyle, has consequences.


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For the last four years I have been involved with a group of people whos lifestyle was ultimately detrimental to my wellbeing. From the age of 19 til 22 I was regularly partying-drinking heavily, taking drugs, violence was commonplace, etc etc alll the bad things. Achieving nothing. I had enough last summer and broke free. I cut all contact with anyone I had met in that time, including the boyfriend who introduced me to it all. I got into college and Im hoping to study abroad if i make the cut. Essentially Ive turned my life around in that sense.


Only problem is, I am devastatingly alone. I adamantly refuse to drink alcohol or take drugs anymore, and where I am location wise, and the age Im at (early 20's), it seems thats the only way people will 'come together'. I have tried to have a romantic relationship with someone, but issues arose that reminded me of infidelity from that nasty previous relationship and I freaked out and had to go. Im working so hard to get into the career Ive chose, but I wanna be able to share with people, and learn from people. I wanna be able to do it right, not just with alcohol. My views on which, albeit extreme, I believe are necessary at this stage in my life, to keep me away from those people and that clique.


I cant figure out why its so hard to get a connection with people without a substance involved? I dont want to jeopardise my integrity on this matter, its very important to me.

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My friends and I use alcohol as a get together, a few drinks at the bar ect... no drugs or anything beyond a few drinks.


Hang in there and people will come around, good friends. Try volunteering somewhere were you would meet people or how about finding a church to attend? You will be surprised, I think there is more people out there NOT into drugs and bad things than what you think.


Stay tough and congratuations on breaking free from it!!

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Thanks for the replies! those suggestions are cool, but hypothetically, lets say i joined yoga, started talking to someone.. then they wanted to meet for drinks! then back to square 1 no?


Fatalistic attitude..?


Potentially yes, but you can always say something like I'd rather go for a walk in the park/coffee/movie/event/etc. Or you can say that you don't drink when they suggest going for a drink. It's going to be a problem only if you see it as one. There's a lot of people who choose not to engage in social drinking/drugs, so just be strong in what you are.

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Are you able to drink and not mess up your life?

(It's OK if you can't, but if you could socializing would be a lot easier.)

Drinking is like eating out:

It's expensive and not all that good for you, but it's a very common way to socialize.

You're right that at your age it's hard to step away from it.

Just try to get a better handle on things.

I can really (really) control what I eat and how much I spend when I go out so I socialize with little of the negative consequences.

Will power, baby.

You have it, I'm sure,

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I live in a part of europe renowned for its binge drinking culture (wild guess, yeah thats it.) People go absolutely nuts with the booze here. Im bored of it, I dont wanna 'cut back' or whatever, I want a new way of living, of seeing the world. Drugs and drink damaged me, I have a long term illness because of it, and im just 23. I wanna be healthy and not reliant on that bull * * * * to make a connection with someone. I appreciate your comment, but I dont wanna give in, I dont wanna be like those people who have seemingly vacuous friendships unless intoxicated.

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Thanks for the replies! those suggestions are cool, but hypothetically, lets say i joined yoga, started talking to someone.. then they wanted to meet for drinks! then back to square 1 no?


Fatalistic attitude..?


Yes. it is a fatalistic attitude. Not everyone drinks, and if they do it doesn't matter. No where does it say that you are required to drink alcohol- I have several friends that do not, it is never an issue.

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It's not easy. But I'm very sure you will meet people for sure who also don't drink - even a romantic partner.

It's definitly tricky if you're trying to socialize and everyone is bringing up going drinking or going to parties.


Are you in school? Or work?


Let's say you find a hobby or join a class, chances are you either make no real friends outside class and you only get in contact during the classes.

OR... you make a friend or a few, and maybe you guys can go out and do something related to you the class? Not drinking per se, maybe just grab a bite to eat or go do something else.

You could easily be like "oh, I'm not much of a drinker. How about ice skating or grabbing a bite?"

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If you truly don't want to drink I'm not at all worried about you finding a circle that feels the same,

It's the people who say they don't want to be apart of a certain crowd and hate on those who are that have a hard time finding new friends because well... they're haters, lol.


Time to change up pretty much every little thing you do!

Joining the gym and an intramural team are the best ways to do this.

Pick a team that has a bit of an older crowd, too.



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You're 23...you're in Europe. Ever thought of going on the rail and just traveling to other parts of Europe or the country you are currently at, hike, see ancient sights, take photographs, travel off the beaten path etc? There is SO MUCH to do in Europe other than drink ( and you clearly don't even want to do that ). I know...bc I was raised, grew up and travel back and forth to Europe.

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