I feel like I don't deserve her

[CDGuy]

Hello, first of all I want to say thank you for taking the time to read this.

 

I'm 17 and she's the same age as me, about 2 months ago we started dating and we became closer and closer. One night I started to hold her hand and she told me later on the night that she wasn't ready for it and then she told me she feels that we don't have much in common since we don't talk a lot. Now I completely understand that she's the type of girl to take relationships slow as it's both of our first times in being in a relationship but after hearing that I've began to question whether if I deserve her or not.

 

I question this is because of my selfish personality, I've mostly taken but not given throughout my whole life, I've never realised this until I thought to myself if I am the one for her. I really, really like her but I can't bear to think that I may be the person hurting her. I am more determined than ever to change this attitude of mine so much but I feel that in the back of my mind I'm going to be the person who hurts her (emotionally). I can't bear knowing that I may be that person hurting her as she deserves far more.

 

Another point to add is that the chances of me getting into University are very slim and it's almost certain she will get in, she's beautiful, intellectual, unique and an amazing person, when she get's into University I feel that she would meet someone much better than me which is also why I feel that I don't deserve her, she would be far better off not having me in her life and meeting someone else.

 

Throughout my whole life I've prioritised friends over family and because of this my mother calls be selfish which I agree. Social gatherings should not be prioritised over family events and I always justify this claim by saying to myself that I don't go out often. I've always had the attitude of my father (who has been divorced from my mother) and he ruined my mothers life. Now knowing that I am EXACTLY like my father and like my father I don't want to repeat the same mistakes as him, I don't want to be that person who hurts her.

 

She told me that she's never felt happier and I've never been happier before since being with her, I'm really happy that we feel the same way about each other but because I really do care for her but I'm scared I will hurt her somehow.

 

I'm really unsure as to what to do now, a part of me wants to be with her but knows that it would end in her being unhappy which I don't want but another part tells me that nothing bad is going to happen and that I'm just over emotional.

 

Perhaps I am being over emotional and taking things to the extreme but this has been unsettling on my mind so thank you for reading my post. I'm here to seek your advice as to what to do.

[Julimony]

I think you're thinking too much. You really like her and she really likes you. If everybody at the start of a relationship started to feel bad because someday they might hurt the other, there would be no relationships. You have realized your selfishness and you can change that. The fact that you acknowledge that side of you gives you the opportunity to change it. I say live your life, live your love and try to change your selfish side into a more giving one, one step at the time.