vix8 Posted February 10, 2012 Share Posted February 10, 2012 I'm 420 friendly yes... i smoke it like twice a month to chillout, but my boyfriend smokes like 4 times a week.. probably more than that, in which I'm not aware of. He's obsessed with drugs and knows everything about them, but he only does hard drugs once in a while like three times a year since we've been dating, but used to do a ton of shrooms and a bit of m and has tried other things. He has insomnia and uses pot to sleep which I'm alright with, not like pot is unhealthy really, but all of his friends are stoners and some are drunks too. they're nice people for the most part, but it bothers me because every time he hangs out with his friends they're activity is smoking pot. I want to say I'm okay with him smoking pot, but I'm actually not. I tell him he can do what he wants, but when i find out he's smoking pot on a school night i get upset about it. He used to say he picks me over pot (I never asked him to choose), yet he still picks pot. I don't get it, like I never asked him to choose one or the other, so why would he even say that to me? It's like he was trying to get my hopes up about something he knew he wouldn't fall through with. I'm not okay with him smoking it as much as he does mainly because he acts like a slow idiot, gets extremely lazy, ignores me and thinks it's okay to blame it on the pot, then when we get into an argument about it he just laughs and i stop talking to him and he doesn't even try to talk to me. It's like he doesn't care. But he says he does. He also got in trouble with the law... which slowed him down in life, but I must say he is got back on his feet just fine, but it seems like now that he has all this freedom again, he's just going to get right back into it. I don't want to leave him, everything else about us being together is pretty much perfect. I love him and he loves me, but sometimes, (I never admitted this) I think in my head that I don't want to love him anymore because he is being such an ass. And then until we make up, I feel as though I don't love him... I change my attitude to his that I don't care anymore. How do I fix this without leaving him? Link to comment
Fudgie Posted February 10, 2012 Share Posted February 10, 2012 Just curious - the law issue, was he caught with weed? This would bother me too. I'm 420 friendly too but it would bug me if I had a boyfriend who smoked this much. Was he always this way or is this recent? To be honest, you could talk to him, but I don't see him stopping. It's possible that he'll just keep smoking to a point where he says "ya know, this doesn't feel as good" and then he'll smoke less as a result. I've seen this happen to a few people. Weed is expensive and a lot of people realize that if you smoke so much, at some point, you just don't feel as good and you're wasting your money. Link to comment
Moontiger Posted February 10, 2012 Share Posted February 10, 2012 You can't change a person. If he is a druggie and drugs are a huge part of his life only he can choose to stop or not. The only thing you can do is tell him how you feel and let him make his choices. The only question that you have to answer is: Can you deal with this in a long term relationship? Link to comment
MizzGee Posted February 10, 2012 Share Posted February 10, 2012 My experience is, unfortunately, there's nothing you can do Only they can realize what they're doing and only they can put a stop to it. ANyone else telling them what to do is just a nag... The last guy I was seeing smoked at least twice a day... He's extremely smart, keeps his grades up and is a genuinely good person, but everything else like relationships fall to the wayside. He just doesn't care.... or is too high to care When I first met him he kept telling me how he would smoke less, and he did in the beginning, but as things got more serious I saw less and less of him because he would get so high... Link to comment
vix8 Posted February 10, 2012 Author Share Posted February 10, 2012 he got in trouble for selling... this was before we dated. and he didn't even make a profit cuz he smoked it all... but he doesn't even buy weed anymore. hes the biggest moocher ever! sometimes i feel like his sugar mama so i stopped buying him things and driving him places completely. but he mooches off his friends for weed and drives all the time. there is also an age difference. he is 18 i am 21. im aware he's still in that party stage and needs to have all his fun and stuff so i let him. i uno what to do.. seems like i either leave him, or put up with it. Link to comment
Fun Boater 1 Posted February 10, 2012 Share Posted February 10, 2012 I don't want to leave him, everything else about us being together is pretty much perfect. I love him and he loves me, but sometimes, (I never admitted this) I think in my head that I don't want to love him anymore because he is being such an ass. And then until we make up, I feel as though I don't love him... I change my attitude to his that I don't care anymore. How do I fix this without leaving him? You can't "fix this". The position you are in is very simple and totally "black and white". You have only two choices: 1) Accept that you will never be as important to him as getting stoned and stay in the relationship. 2) You leave him. There are really no other courses of action here because you are dealing with an addict. How old are you and he? You mentioned something about a "school night". High school or college? I'm bringing this up because you need to look ahead to what kind of long term partner this guy would even make. If he's stoned all the time, what kind of success in life is he going to have? What kind of job will he be able to hold? Most occupations that pay anything decent demand random drug testing. Can you see him giving it up for that? If you've asked him to stop, or at least really cut back, and he hasn't...then that is a clear indiction that he doesn't respect your feelings and really could care less about the relationships. Kick him to the curb and find a guy who will put you ahead of smoking pot on his priority list. Link to comment
Fun Boater 1 Posted February 10, 2012 Share Posted February 10, 2012 he got in trouble for selling... this was before we dated. and he didn't even make a profit cuz he smoked it all... but he doesn't even buy weed anymore. hes the biggest moocher ever! sometimes i feel like his sugar mama so i stopped buying him things and driving him places completely. but he mooches off his friends for weed and drives all the time. there is also an age difference. he is 18 i am 21. im aware he's still in that party stage and needs to have all his fun and stuff so i let him. i uno what to do.. seems like i either leave him, or put up with it. So he also has a drug rap on his record and doesn't have a driver's license? I"m guessing he doesn't have a job either? Yep, that's pretty much it - You deal with it and shut up about it and stay with him, or you cut this loser out of your life and move on. You seem to have a good head on your shoulders - start making better choices about guys. Unless of you want to feel like you are an extra in a Cheech and Chong movie all the time; kick him to the curb! Link to comment
camus154 Posted February 10, 2012 Share Posted February 10, 2012 I don't think it's so much that he's an "addict" than he's an 18 year old kid. He'll most likely grow up and out of it and make for a fine, law-abiding citizen one day, so perhaps we shouldn't throw him under a bus just yet and assume he's the second coming of Cheech and Chong. However, that doesn't mean you have to be the girlfriend who sees him through to that stage either. Link to comment
MizzGee Posted February 10, 2012 Share Posted February 10, 2012 I don't think it's so much that he's an "addict" than he's an 18 year old kid. He'll most likely grow up and out of it and make for a fine, law-abiding citizen one day, so perhaps we shouldn't throw him under a bus just yet and assume he's the second coming of Cheech and Chong. However, that doesn't mean you have to be the girlfriend who sees him through to that stage either. ^^^^THIS. I don't agree with the idea that all stoners are lazy and stupid. I know many people who are very smart and hold down jobs and like to smoke. It's just up to you if you want to wait for him to get serious Link to comment
vix8 Posted February 10, 2012 Author Share Posted February 10, 2012 honestly i don't have a problem with weed, and i know there are successful people that smoke pot. most of the people in advertising business are stoners actually. i just don't like how he treats me while he is high.. he like shuts me out and doesn't care, he changes as a person. Link to comment
vix8 Posted February 10, 2012 Author Share Posted February 10, 2012 with weed* didn't mean to put anymore Link to comment
Fudgie Posted February 10, 2012 Share Posted February 10, 2012 I think he'll probably grow out of it. I didn't know his age - sorry. Most people usually do. Link to comment
Maeva Posted February 10, 2012 Share Posted February 10, 2012 However, that doesn't mean you have to be the girlfriend who sees him through to that stage either. I would not be that girlfriend. Link to comment
Fudgie Posted February 10, 2012 Share Posted February 10, 2012 I would not be that girlfriend. Me neither!! OP, it's up to you. Link to comment
I like ravioli Posted February 13, 2012 Share Posted February 13, 2012 I'm just curious, was he like this when you started dating him? When it comes to psychological addiction, it's not really so much about the frequency as it is about the manner in which someone partakes. I smoke weed quite a bit, because it's healthier than alcohol for recreation and it's healthier than prescription drugs for my anxiety, and I am far from an addict. But I'd say someone who smokes once every two weeks, but does it for the purpose of forgetting what is going on in their life or trying to feel better about problems they perceive as being un-fixable, is an addict. Of course, there is a third possibility as well - that he is young, and he is going through a phase. If you look at it really objectively, it should be relatively easy to tell which category he's in, but it's hard to take that perspective. Obviously, if he's an addict, you need to get out. That relationship will never be good for you. Addicts only change after they've hit rock bottom, and he's not going to hit rock bottom if he's in a relationship with someone awesome. But if the problem is only superficial, that you don't like the behavioral change, then remove yourself from the situation whenever it starts to make you feel uncomfortable - say you're getting bored, and then go out with other friends or go home. Don't verbally tell him to make the choice between you and pot, because that doesn't work. You have to make him realize that in the long run it will end up being a choice, since that is in fact the reality and he deserves to know that, but do it in a way that doesn't make him feel pressured or nagged. Link to comment
abitbroken Posted February 13, 2012 Share Posted February 13, 2012 If he is getting in trouble with the law, he is not "420 friendly" - he is an addict. I am sorry, but I wou;dn't date him and try to be the "cool girlfriend". Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted February 13, 2012 Share Posted February 13, 2012 I personally wouldn't be with him. Link to comment
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