Nazz Posted February 10, 2012 Share Posted February 10, 2012 I broke up with my ex about a month and a half ago, it was before I found out I was pregnant. I didn't find out until three weeks later. I tried contacting him..sent him texts, emailed him, called him..but he ignored it all. Whether I was going to get an abortion or not, I felt he deserved to know because ultimately he would have been the father. I ended up getting an abortion, and he still doesn't know. I feel so down in the dumps ever since because yes, I dumped him, and he was probably hurting, but he has NO clue what i'm going through. It hurts like hell and all I find myself doing now is crying. Link to comment
gardnergirl2 Posted February 10, 2012 Share Posted February 10, 2012 Hi Nazz, I just wanted to try to give you a word of encouragement. I have worked as a counselor before with Sav A Life here in the US. I will pray for you, as you are going through a double whammy right now. In your communications with him, even though he didn't respond, did you mention the pregnancy? If he still didn't respond, that is just cruel. Feel free to send me a private message or post here if you would like. I am sooooo sorry for what you are going through... Link to comment
Nazz Posted February 10, 2012 Author Share Posted February 10, 2012 No, I never mentioned the pregnancy. I was nervous thinking that if the first thing I texted/emailed him was 'I'M PREGNANT!' it would scare him away or he would end up ignoring me (ironic because he ended up ignoring me anyways). I was trying to be considerate by beginning with a normal conversation, but apparently he doesn't care enough to respond. It's just so disrespectful. I would have never done that to him. Beacuse for all I know, if the roles were reversed..I would pick up his call, who knows if it could be an emergency? But he doesn't think like I do. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted February 10, 2012 Share Posted February 10, 2012 Some people go entirely no contact with someone who broke up with them. That is not wrong at all. I am sure if you had left the message you were pregnant he would have answered. I am sorry for what you are going through but to be fair you broke up with him and he did not want to talk and that is his right and he is not wrong because it is something you would not have done. People are different. Link to comment
Nazz Posted February 10, 2012 Author Share Posted February 10, 2012 He doesn't have voicemail so I couldn't leave a message. I didn't want to just text/email him saying that 'I'M PREGNANT!' because I was afraid it would scare him away. I did mention that there was something important that I needed to talk to him about, but no reply. I know not everyone thinks like me, but honestly..what if I was dying? What if there was an emergency and I really needed him? I don't know, it just hurts. Link to comment
abitbroken Posted February 10, 2012 Share Posted February 10, 2012 I agree with gardnergirl2, if you had just sent him "how are you" texts you can't expect him to answer and its unfair to write him off as uncaring. That seems the way you want to think of him. Yes, he doesn't know "what you are going through" because you did not let him in. He was not a one night stand. To me, he deserved to know you were pregnant unless he was dangerously physically abusive and you feared for your life. He might have been excited about a baby and wanted to step up and be a dad. I mean, 3 weeks from breakup is not that long. I think that it is kind of crappy to tell him "btw, i got an abortion right after we broke up. The baby was yours." That might be extremely upsetting to him, especially if he is a decent guy. If my brother was dumped and then told his baby was aborted right after, he would want to jump off a bridge. But then again, he dearly wants to be a dad someday. Sorry to be harsh, but a guy can't be supportive or do the right thing when you give him absolutely no chance to be. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted February 10, 2012 Share Posted February 10, 2012 I know it hurts and it is a very bad circumstance. You have to find healing in yourself though. He is no longer responsible to help you. Link to comment
Nazz Posted February 10, 2012 Author Share Posted February 10, 2012 I know it hurts and it is a very bad circumstance. You have to find healing in yourself though. He is no longer responsible to help you. He's no longer responsible? He WOULD have been the father of the baby. Link to comment
Momma1390 Posted February 10, 2012 Share Posted February 10, 2012 I am so sorry you are going through this alone. I know it is too late to look back but I don't really understand your reason for not telling him you were pregnant. It's not like you chose not to tell him I'm getting a new car. You were pregnant with his baby. I hope you don't want him back. Did you think maybe someone told him you were pregnant and got an abortion? Maybe that is why he doesn't answer your texts or calls. Link to comment
abitbroken Posted February 10, 2012 Share Posted February 10, 2012 He doesn't have voicemail so I couldn't leave a message. I didn't want to just text/email him saying that 'I'M PREGNANT!' because I was afraid it would scare him away. I did mention that there was something important that I needed to talk to him about, but no reply. I know not everyone thinks like me, but honestly..what if I was dying? What if there was an emergency and I really needed him? I don't know, it just hurts. There are other ways. I normally don't advocate it for other breakups, but if you really wanted to get him, he gets mailed delivered, most likely, and has a house or apartment or place of business. He probably hangs out somewhere too. I would think that if you could not get ahold of him, at least a snailmail letter or an email would deliver the news and give him time to sit down and think if you really had wanted him to know. Link to comment
Nazz Posted February 10, 2012 Author Share Posted February 10, 2012 I didn't get the abortion right away, I just said I found out I was pregnant three weeks after we broke up. I got the abortion about a week and a half ago. I waited a month or so because I was hoping he'd contact me by then. I'm not planning on letting him know, as hurt as I may be, I want him to be happy and since he's clearly moving on without me and doing fine, i'll let him be. Link to comment
Nazz Posted February 10, 2012 Author Share Posted February 10, 2012 There are other ways. I normally don't advocate it for other breakups, but if you really wanted to get him, he gets mailed delivered, most likely, and has a house or apartment or place of business. He probably hangs out somewhere too. I would think that if you could not get ahold of him, at least a snailmail letter or an email would deliver the news and give him time to sit down and think if you really had wanted him to know. He moved shortly after we broke up, I don't know where he lives now..therefore mailing him is a no go. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted February 10, 2012 Share Posted February 10, 2012 He's no longer responsible? He WOULD have been the father of the baby. But he does not KNOW any of this because you did not tell him and give him a chance to be responsible. Link to comment
Nazz Posted February 10, 2012 Author Share Posted February 10, 2012 I am so sorry you are going through this alone. I know it is too late to look back but I don't really understand your reason for not telling him you were pregnant. It's not like you chose not to tell him I'm getting a new car. You were pregnant with his baby. I hope you don't want him back. Did you think maybe someone told him you were pregnant and got an abortion? Maybe that is why he doesn't answer your texts or calls. I know it's not an 'excuse,' but honestly I was just nervous that it would scare him away. No one knows I was pregnant, therefore no one knows I got an abortion. I literally am in this situation all alone. Link to comment
Nazz Posted February 10, 2012 Author Share Posted February 10, 2012 But he does not KNOW any of this because you did not tell him and give him a chance to be responsible. I wouldn't have kept the baby even if he wanted to, because I don't want someone to stay with me out of pity. And I know that if he were to take me back at the time, it WOULD be out of empathy. I just figured he deserved to know since he was the father. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted February 10, 2012 Share Posted February 10, 2012 Well yes. I understand. What I am trying to say though is that I know people want their ex to talk to them when they are distressed. It is not wrong to feel that at all and it is all very normal. I do feel for you. Really. But the thing is you WILL have to heal on your own it seems. Link to comment
Nazz Posted February 10, 2012 Author Share Posted February 10, 2012 Well yes. I understand. What I am trying to say though is that I know people want their ex to talk to them when they are distressed. It is not wrong to feel that at all and it is all very normal. I do feel for you. Really. But the thing is you WILL have to heal on your own it seems. Yeah, it seems so. Link to comment
abitbroken Posted February 10, 2012 Share Posted February 10, 2012 If he moved, he surely has relatives or friends still in the area. I think you have done a lot to assume how he was going to react as a reason to not swallow you pride and tell him. I also don't understand how you would scare him off. You dumped him. You basically told him to go away - so how could you scare him off even more than that? I wouldn't have kept the baby even if he wanted to, because I don't want someone to stay with me out of pity. And I know that if he were to take me back at the time, it WOULD be out of empathy. I just figured he deserved to know since he was the father. Well, you were the dumper, you would be the one who would have to take him back, right? Other options: 1) Adoption to a couple praying for a baby. 2) Him or his relatives raising the baby without you. 3) Coparenting without being in a relationship. 4) You raising the baby on your own. None of this involve him staying out of pity. And it could also be that he REALLY still wants to be with you - as you were the dumper. You just don't know. I would not want to immediately contact the person who dumped me unless they had some important news because its humiliating. I am trying to not be so harsh but I get weary of threads casting a man as so uncaring when the woman didn't even give him a shot at it. Link to comment
Nazz Posted February 10, 2012 Author Share Posted February 10, 2012 Yeah, well it's done now. I just needed to vent, because I have no one to talk to about in person. Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.