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stuck in a rut and need some advice please...


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My grandad recently passed away and although i've felt like this for a long time, the feeling seems to be getting a lot worse and really bringing me down. Im afraid that I am wasting my life away, although I am young at 21 and know I have the rest of my life ahead of me I cant bare to think that I am not living my life to the absolute full and am being held back. Death makes people aware of their priorities in life and mine are love and happiness and quite frankly I seem to be losing out on both measures. Since graduating in July I have had no luck whatsoever finding a job and am still working at McDonald's where iv worked for almost 5 years, I know the place inside out and sadly because I feel that I should be somewhere else by now, I have come to hate it. I apply for jobs all the time from minimun wage onwards but I am lucky to get a reply from any. I have also been single for the past 6 months and although some would argue that at my age being single is fun, I truly believe it is adding to my unhappiness... I get a lot of attention and it begins to grow into something and then fizzles out before I even know it... I seem to attract so many different types of guys but nothing ever becomes of it. I dont believe I am needy, clingy or off-putting I generally have no idea what i'm doing wrong, I don't necessarily want a serious relationship I just want to be taken seriously and liked for who I am. It seems to be a different guy every couple of weeks and it's exhausting and putting me off men altogether! I have a few good friends but I used to have a lot more but recently Iv felt myself "getting rid" of those who fall short and appreciating those that mean more... Iv met so many people, dated so many, explored so many ruites, I feel there is nowhere else to go as long as I remain stuck in this dead end job and this boring frame of mind.


I just wish I could find a deeper meaning to it all, instead of continually searching for that something or someone which is going to make me believe I am living life to my true potential. Any advice anyone???


Thanks, Emily

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It sounds like a very, very frustrating frame of mind. I hear you about death and priorities--this makes perfect sense; it makes you want to get up and at em' right? But it sounds like you are doing the best that you can, and that's the best you CAN do. Honestly? What it truly sounds like you are experiencing is maturity. It sounds like you are no longer interested in childish friends, 'single life' or dead end relationships. And it definitely sounds like your job is making you miserable. The thing is, with life, every point is almost crucial to get to and appreciate the next point. I just want you to understand that you are doing nothing wrong. In fact, at 21, you are doing a magnificent job. I think that once you find a job where you are feeling more content, you will probably feel much more fulfilled. With patience, everything will fall in line for you.


So you've heard the expression 'everything happens for a reason...' I mention this because although you feel stagnant, you're not. You are in this rut because once you are at the next point, you appreciate it all the more. Your frame of mind will propel you. You won't settle in your personal life or in your career. Have you tried writing down your current accomplishments, and writing down the things that you are focused on achieving? As well as factoring in your age? If you think about it, what you are doing is perfectly normal. You are evaluating and re-evaluating things...which again, at your age, is absolutely wonderful!


As far as advice, with you being on the right track, I would encourage you to fill your life with people who have similar goals. (Not that they would need to be just like you, or pursue the same passion) But I mean people who want better and strive for the best.


Lastly, if you are dating men who lose interest, and they always seem to lose interest, do you think that maybe they assume you are not interested? With the way you described yourself, you might be giving them the impression that you are a bit blue, and this could also give them the wrong idea about you? I hope that you will be patient with yourself and your 'journey' because from what you describe, you are doing just fine. I wish you the best.

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Death makes people aware of their priorities in life and mine are love and happiness


I feel that I should be somewhere else by now, I have come to hate...


Love and happiness is not really about life circumstances, it is more about 'where we are' in our mind, the 'mental position/situation we are in', or attitude we bring to life. I suggest finding, and dwelling more, living more, "somewhere else", ie with love and happiness in your mind.


With best wishes,

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