How do you regain trust? Part II

[BryanPain]

So here is a stupid one. Things have been really good lately and we have really been enjoying each other’s company. We have been talking for some time about her going back to school to work on her English and so forth, today she started her first class. She gives me a call in the afternoon, talks about how good the class was. She mentions the teacher was older, as were most the students in the class, but spoke both English and her native language very well. This is a big deal for her, as it helps her understand the nuances and meanings of English words as compared to her native tongue. Anyway, all is good.

 

She mentioned that a friend of hers had called her several times while she was in class to meet for lunch as she had not seen her in a long time. She tells me she went to lunch and had really good Korean food. All of which is fine. Except for the fact that I know no one called her.

 

It’s a stupid thing; I do not care if she goes out to lunch with a friend, or friends or whatever. I am happy that she did and enjoyed herself. I just can’t understand why the lie. After all the promises to not lie to each other (see my other posts and you will understand the history here a bit). It’s a minor thing, maybe she went to lunch with the instructor, maybe with the other students, does not really matter to me at all. But why the stupid lie, just drives me bonkers.

 

So, now I am at a quandary. Do I talk to her about it? Gzz, can I be that insecure. Leave it, and have a stupid thorn in my foot for the next day or so. She is the most loving, caring, sweet lady in the world, with a face that is so innocent looking it almost breaks your heart. Maybe she is just too nervous, or thinks I would get mad if she had lunch with her instructor or who knows what, but I just don’t believe anything she tells me anymore.

[lefty1214]

You have every right to feel insecure about the 'white lie'. Those, for the typical person, lead to bigger lies. That being said, you seem to really feel confident in that she cares for and loves you deeply. So only you can make that call.

 

On the other hand, for her to lie does not make sense. Maybe I missed it, but how do you know she did not receive a call? Whatever her reason for lying, things do generally come out of the dark and into the light eventually. But if you feel as though you must know, and cannot let it go; maybe a gentle approach where there is no fingerpointing? It is obviously bothering you because you do not trust her anymore. So there has to be some resolve. Like you said. To me it sounds like you might need to have a stress-free calm conversation with her.

 

Being lied to is not a game. I hope you get to the bottom of it, or are able to release it. Good luck

[BryanPain]

Thanks, I think I need to turn off the over-reation button. There is a long history behind all this, she had been hiding some really seriouse stuff from me for the better part of nine months that only just came out recently. After all of it was out on the table, we agreed we would be honest with each other. Hence the hyper sensativity. I have never been this insecure in anything, ever. Makes me really dislike myself and how I am acting. Gets back to the focus of this group, how do you rebuild trust once it is lost?