Procom Posted February 9, 2012 Share Posted February 9, 2012 So here is my deal, My ex girlfirned and I dated for 4 months. During our time together I thought things were going well. I never saw signs that things weren't. The last weekend we were together we had fun, hung out, and she spent the night. That following Wed. (3 days later) I called her up and began to talk about our plans for the upcoming weekend. She then told me she didn't want to do this over the phone, but she didn't feel that things were working out. I asked her if she was breaking up with me, and she didn't really come out and say that when I asked her the first time. Eventually she did say yes she was breaking up with me and wanted things to end. She told me she didn't feel that "whoosh of excitement" when she was planning on coming to see me or when she was with me. She then asked if we could still be friends. I told her I couldn't just be friends with her as I have feelings for her and I can't just scale them back like that. About 3 days later we met for coffee and she reiterated her stance face to face, we hugged, and then that was that. I began focusing on making myself happy by getting back to the gym, hanging with friends, and now I'm even in to yoga (which is awesome btw). At that time I also defriended her on facebook, btw. I didn't contact her for 3 weeks, but then I came accross a news article that actually mentioned where she works. So with that I emailed her noting that article and then just said, "Hope you are doing well." That night I got a reply email from her saying she had thought about txting/emailing me but she didn't want to push it and wanted to wait for me to contact her. She then said she was very happy to hear from me. She asked how I was doing, and then went on to tell me what her plans were for the weekend. She also told me how she has been working close to a 100 hours a week over the past couple of weeks. The next day I wrote her back, kept things light. I told her I was happy my email made her happy, and that we should meet up sometime. A few days later she wrote me another fairly lengthy email where she is excited to go on vacation in a couple of weeks. She also went on to say she has been really stressed at work and that she has been feeling sick. She then asked me about a couple other things she knew I was planning on doing before we broke up (like a ski trip I went on). She then said she would love to get together with me sometime, and to let her know what I was interested in doing. Then 2 days later she sent me a facebook friend request. I guess I am wondering if she is till interested in a relationship, or am I being pushed in to the friend zone? Link to comment
pl3asehelp Posted February 9, 2012 Share Posted February 9, 2012 You haven't mentioned that she's given you any indication that she's changed her position and wants you in her life in any way romantically, so yeah, you're accepting her breadcrumbs. Link to comment
rov Posted February 9, 2012 Share Posted February 9, 2012 I agree, give her space, get away from her life. If she wants a relationship with you she knows where to find you. Focus on yourself man, I am going through a similar story. My ex has contacted me a couple of times, we broke en december. I just let her come to me and do not pursue her, thats the best thing you can do Link to comment
Procom Posted February 9, 2012 Author Share Posted February 9, 2012 Solid points. I did email her that I was free for lunch on Sunday last night which now I think was a mistake. Going forward I'll honor the lunch plans if she agrees, ignore her fb friend request, and just focus on me. Thanks for the help Link to comment
pl3asehelp Posted February 9, 2012 Share Posted February 9, 2012 Well now I think you should explain to her that you made a mistake. Pretty strange to go out to lunch with someone, and then ignore their facebook friend request. Link to comment
rov Posted February 9, 2012 Share Posted February 9, 2012 You should wait till she contacts you again, restrain yourself from contacting her. If you do that you are demonstrating she has you in her hands anytime she wants. Link to comment
Lycanthropica Posted February 9, 2012 Share Posted February 9, 2012 You haven't mentioned that she's given you any indication that she's changed her position and wants you in her life in any way romantically, so yeah, you're accepting her breadcrumbs. This. I think she likes you in her life, but not the way you want. I think it would be best to move on for your own sake. Link to comment
Procom Posted February 9, 2012 Author Share Posted February 9, 2012 Well now I think you should explain to her that you made a mistake. Pretty strange to go out to lunch with someone, and then ignore their facebook friend request. Made a mistake regarding meeting for lunch? Link to comment
pl3asehelp Posted February 9, 2012 Share Posted February 9, 2012 Made a mistake regarding meeting for lunch? No, made a mistake by sending her that email about the article. When you broke up she told you she wanted to be friends and you told her that wouldn't work for you because you still have feelings. Nothing has changed with her. Has anything changed with you? If not, you made a mistake in contacting her because now she's getting that friendship she wanted and here you are back in pain again. Link to comment
Procom Posted February 9, 2012 Author Share Posted February 9, 2012 No, made a mistake by sending her that email about the article. When you broke up she told you she wanted to be friends and you told her that wouldn't work for you because you still have feelings. Nothing has changed with her. Has anything changed with you? If not, you made a mistake in contacting her because now she's getting that friendship she wanted and here you are back in pain again. Just what I needed to read. You are right, I will convey that I made a mistake by emailing her in the beginning and leave it at that. Link to comment
alwaysmoving Posted February 10, 2012 Share Posted February 10, 2012 She doesn't want you back. Link to comment
Dude11 Posted February 16, 2012 Share Posted February 16, 2012 yes, you most definitely gave her the idea that you and her could be just friends, if she was looking for more she more then likely would come out and tell. You said she's hitting almost a 100 hours a week at work! This girl doesn't even seem like she has time for a serious relationship. I agree with explaining that you made a mistake by contacting her and leave it there, if she replies, ignore it. Type what you have to say and move on with your life. If she wants something more she will contact you, but don't count on it. It sounds like time to go out and mingle with some new people to get your mind off of things. Link to comment
blueplanet22 Posted February 16, 2012 Share Posted February 16, 2012 Ignore FB request, seems like she wan't to have a nosey at what your up to. Link to comment
Procom Posted February 21, 2012 Author Share Posted February 21, 2012 UPDATE: So a week ago this past Saturday I emailed her that it was a mistake originally getting in touch with her. Told her that I still feel that I can't just scale back my feelings to being "just friends" with her. I then said it was best if we didn't contact each other as I need to work on my happiness. I also ignored her FB request. It actually felt good after I sent that email. She then sent me an email yesterday which came off as she was being defensive and hurt. Like I hurt her feelings by rejecting her friendship offer which I found kind of funny since she was the one who rejected me in the first place. Anyway, I've been emailing back and forth with a couple of girls I met online and I'm back in the dating pool! Just wanted to post an update. Thanks for the advice Link to comment
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