MissieP Posted February 9, 2012 Share Posted February 9, 2012 Okay i know I talk alot and I am sure people are getting tired of hearing from me and I am sorry I just hit another snag and I am a little sad. My ex and I and had one thing in common card games and when we first met I said I play blackjack and poker online and he said really where??? I said POGO where do you play? He said get out of here! I play there too! We would play for hrs and even after we broke up we didn't play for awhile because I was upset with him for cheating on me but he said he was sorry never meant to hurt me blah,blah,blah and we went right back to playing again. I hadn't seen him online for a really long time and I thought maybe he stopped playing but stupid me happened to check his GF facebook and she said I am enjoying beating my BF in poker and blackjack on Pogo. I am long forgotten I know it's just a card game but it was our game and now she is involved and I am long gone and I've lost him forever 2 weekends ago we went for a wine tasting event and we had a grand time and since that happened it is like he vanished out of my life for good and even a friendly card game is out of the question. I know I should be happy after he treated me the way he did but I still enjoyed a friendly game of cards because that was our game and now I've lost him forever and one day we are sipping wine the next we are total strangers. I have been in no contact for almost 2 weeks now and this time it really hurts because I thought we at least had that card game but even that is off limits now apparently I am trying to get better and I know people on here are probably thinking sheesh Missie shut up already but this was my last memory of him and it is gone and I am sad. Link to comment
tjcalif Posted February 9, 2012 Share Posted February 9, 2012 You are intitled to feel hurt this happened two weeks ago! I don't know the whole story but from the post you obviously have been seeing each other until two wks ago so who wouldn't be sad? I will tell you this that checking on his or her Facebook Page is only going to make this worse! I deleted mine not because of the BU but due to family issues.. I am glad I did as all I read lately is how Facebook is interfering with so many peoples lives or ruining their relationships! Take care and try not to be so sad this is all you can do... Link to comment
Mustachio Posted February 9, 2012 Share Posted February 9, 2012 How long ago did you break up? Also in a case like this try to remember that you had a life before you met him and the same goes for him. You played card games before you met as did he. So I know it feels like your thing, but it was just a thing, a thing you used to love before him and can love again. I know its tough, and it feels like you have been abandoned, and in the case of a cheater, emotionally, you have been abandoned. Just give yourself some time and space away from him and I think you will see that you never really missed the pain and hurt he caused. Link to comment
MissieP Posted February 9, 2012 Author Share Posted February 9, 2012 We broke up in December due to his cheating but he said he was sorry and wrote a huge letter explaining he was sorry and I forgave him and we had been out occasionally since our break-up and occasionally talked and still played our online card game together and 2 weekends ago he said I was wondering if you wanted to go to a wine tasting event with me? Kara is sick and I got these tickets already so would you go with me? I said sure and we had a grand time as I said but then after that wine tasting event he became distant and when I found out he was playing that card game without me I knew I had lost him forever. Maybe one day he will come back but now I must not talk to him and I must stop playing that card game because it will only make me miserable and stop looking at her profile! Link to comment
Mustachio Posted February 9, 2012 Share Posted February 9, 2012 So he cheated on you and is now dating the person he cheated with? Yet still occasionally going on "dates" with you? This guy is trouble. You need to reclaim your activities for yourself and forget about this guy. Link to comment
MissieP Posted February 9, 2012 Author Share Posted February 9, 2012 I know it's messed up. I loved playing that game with him it was our game and on some level I still felt connected to him and when I found out he plays with her now and not me apart of me died a bit. I know going out with him was probably the biggest mistake I could of ever made but we had a good time drinking wine and talking. I guess maybe he started to have feelings for me or they started coming back I have no clue but I guess he decided it was best in his mind to stop all contact with me ( even if he started it) and go to her and forget all about me and whatever we had is done and gone. I know this sounds messed up but if he ever decided to break-up with her ( which I doubt since in his mind he has it made) I would take him back in a heartbeat after everything he has done. I feel so messed up......... Why would I want to take him back or even ponder taking him back after everything he has done? I guess in my mind he is better than nothing and that is so messed up! I want to start dating again and get my mind off of him the bar scene is non existent where I live it is all guys over 40 and I am in my twenties and I would try online dating but I tried that once and it was disaster. So I don't know what to do.... Link to comment
Mustachio Posted February 10, 2012 Share Posted February 10, 2012 You would take him back for all the same reasons I took my ex back so many times after she cheated, why I would have taken her back the last time after she cheated again. There is probably some psychological reason, but I am not a therapist and I wouldnt even begin to speculate on those reasons. What I do know is that you are still WAY too close to the situation. You are mixed up and confused. You dont want to let go of something that was a huge part of your life. Its hard to adjust to change, especially when the change is painful and even more so when that painful change wasnt by your own doing. You absolutely should NOT be dating right now. If you are still hung up on a guy who cheated on you do you really think dating would get you anywhere? It would probably only make you feel worse, and you might even end up hurting someone else in the process. So, what you need to do, is cut him out of your life and start focusing on yourself. If your card playing is too painful right now, then do something else. Pick up new hobbies, reconnect with old friends, go to the gym, do anything, but just take your mind off things. And if you give it enough time (even though it will feel like forever) things will improve and one day you will get to a point where you have no desire to go back and you can move on to a better healthier you. Link to comment
secondchance67 Posted February 10, 2012 Share Posted February 10, 2012 Mustachio: "You would take him back for all the same reasons I took my ex back so many times after she cheated, why I would have taken her back the last time after she cheated again. There is probably some psychological reason, but I am not a therapist and I wouldnt even begin to speculate on those reasons" i suffer from the same issue...it's called co-dependency. All we get is more pain in the end...we lower our standards, our personal boundaries and consider this treatment at the hand of our ex's as "normal". i refuse to be a pawn in her game. she has issues, and they will continue to ruin her relationships. But i have my own, and the co-dependency thing is HUGE...it will hold you back from healing to a degree. Link to comment
MissieP Posted February 10, 2012 Author Share Posted February 10, 2012 Hmm never really thought of that..... I suppose I am co-dependent on him. He has issues and I always want to be the fixer upper but it is quite obvious I cannot fix him he has issues. He is her problem now she can deal with all off his issues and I need stop being so co-dependent and heal and stop playing his stupid games because he has problems. Link to comment
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