Define what being a 'challenge' is from a guys perspective..

[JA0371]

Hi guys! I have had an issue in my past dating relationships and it follows a familiar pattern:

 

Guy meets girl, guy likes girl, and there is amazing chemistry.

 

gUy and girl go out have an amazing time...whether there is sex or not.

 

Guy and girl talk via phone text, phone email, in person constantly.....and then....

guy withdraws and disappears...sometimes for days, sometimes for good.

 

Some would say he was not 'challenged' enough...etc, but is that the real reason???

And if it IS what exactly are we supposed to do as women...aside from having our own lives

and interests...to maintain some aura of intrigue or 'mystery'...and why the heck is this so

Darn hard??

[pl3asehelp]

I think there are many other more likely explanations for why the guy disappeared than him not being challenged enough or the girl not being intriguing or mysterious. Maybe the girl felt amazing chemistry, but unless the guy told her that in words, there's not way she could know if he felt that way as well. Trying to be challenging, intriguing, or mysterious are all relationships games that if you feel you need to resort to, then you're not really a match. If you're a match, you don't need to resort to games and tactics to keep a relationship going.

[22n32]

dep on the guy.. for some it might be that there not intrested or lost intrest..

 

i speak for myself but i feel very few guys wanna be overly challanged, some challange but not to much because it runs into games.. guys think very logicaly, guy likes girl, she likes him back great we can move forward together and have fun..

 

too much challange no good.. us guys wanna know u like us, what makes us run sometimes is the over emotional stuff to quick. like lets get married after few months..

[JA0371]

dep on the guy.. for some it might be that there not intrested or lost intrest..

 

i speak for myself but i feel very few guys wanna be overly challanged, some challange but not to much because it runs into games.. guys think very logicaly, guy likes girl, she likes him back great we can move forward together and have fun..

 

too much challange no good.. us guys wanna know u like us, what makes us run sometimes is the over emotional stuff to quick. like lets get married after few months..

 

Ok..makes sense. What is annoying though is often times it's the guy bringing up future stuff..maybe to see how stable I am maybe? I don't know..but as you said, depends on the guy.

[22n32]

Ok..makes sense. What is annoying though is often times it's the guy bringing up future stuff..maybe to see how stable I am maybe? I don't know..but as you said, depends on the guy.

 

I know what u mean.. guys do dream at times, and we wanna see what ur outlook on it is. and yes how stable you are or what u want.. but thats it we know then we usally dont talk about it for a while till were ready..

 

remember dating is about having fun not GAMES which these are if he is running away or doesnt call back for days.. girls and guys do this..

 

my take on it when im dating, first sign u play games with me, or ur action is diff from ur words.. im just forced to move on.. hoping it will get better is a losing battle.. off course i always try to communicate my concerns first..

[JA0371]

I know what u mean.. guys do dream at times, and we wanna see what ur outlook on it is. and yes how stable you are or what u want.. but thats it we know then we usally dont talk about it for a while till were ready..

 

remember dating is about having fun not GAMES which these are if he is running away or doesnt call back for days.. girls and guys do

 

my take on it when im dating, first sign u play games with me, or ur action is diff from ur words.. im just forced to move on.. hoping it will get better is a losing battle.. off course i always try to communicate my concerns first..

 

Thanks..this helps!!

[resilient7]

To me its seems like women are far more likely to disappear.My experience.

[22n32]

To me its seems like women are far more likely to disappear.My experience.

 

very true.......

[Thorshammer]

Why i do;

 

1- I didnt really like her to begin with, she didnt interest me any further- what i had was friendly comfort vibes for her only (this is likely if i didnt have sex with her)

 

2- she failed in showing attraction and didnt realize it

 

girl A: "hi, whats up... yadda yadda, so i did this.. yadda yadda"

 

girl b: "hey, i liked our date, you are cute, i hope we can do that again"

 

Who will i work with in this scenario? I know both like me, but girl b made it obvious, girl b is being open and bold and making me feel... wait for it.. special and liked!!!! Girl a will fade into the background fast.

 

3- she did something that turned me off suddenly

 

4- another girl i was talking to made the moves- and i liked her more. Pretty common since there is no commitment unless its actually officially said.

[Stay_home]

Most men are very logical, point A to point B. So too many games and too much small talk is a turn off and we go spiraling into the opposite direction.

[Generation]

I like my women straight forward, I'm not into head games. If there's attraction, and I don't feel like there's any reciprocation, I'll pull back. I'll know when games are being played.

 

If I do pull back when she let me know she's into me, it's cause I wasn't interested.

 

There was one time I pulled back when I knew (and she knew) that something could have happened, but I did it cause my friend had a major crush on her for the longest time so I backed out in the name of our friendship, even if he didn't have a chance.

[LDRohnos]

If you're a girl and you want to keep a guy, don't play games. That's the best advice I can give. Guys like the thrill of the chase, I certainly do...it's exciting. It's also not exciting to be chasing around a girl who shows no interest because she thinks the only way to get me to stay is by playing shadow games.

[Slimpee]

I'm w/ the other guys who talk about the chase. I don't like games but I guess i still play them because they're...well...kinda fun.

 

BUT, i would prefer a woman who showed signs of interest but didn't get attached quickly and still made me work a bit to win her over. This is what I mean when I talk about a "challenge". I don't want the woman to pretend like she's not interested but I want to know that she has a life to live outside of dating. I want to know that she doesn't need me to live a fulfilling life. I don't want a woman who, a week after our first date, is going to expect me to text her every hour.

[The_Seeker]

If you're a girl and you want to keep a guy, don't play games. That's the best advice I can give. Guys like the thrill of the chase, I certainly do...it's exciting. It's also not exciting to be chasing around a girl who shows no interest because she thinks the only way to get me to stay is by playing shadow games.

 

LOL Then you go Mortal Kombat on her. "Vitality is yours! Muwhahahaha!"

 

Being a challenge to me despite the fact I'm not a guy is that you can stand on your ground.

 

It has NOTHING to do with mystery, or doormat, or whatever it is.

 

Let's say for example,

 

-"Let's go get ice cream." You said "okay."

-I say "Let's go bowling." You said, "Okay."

- I say "Is everything okay?" You said "It's okay."

 

That to me is freakin boring. It's like you're doing things that I like to do. To me, sometimes it looks superficial. I can't stand that in a relationship.

 

If for once, you suggest something or speak what's on your mind. WHETHER it is EMOTIONAL or not, you're speaking your mind out and you're being courageous for showing your vulnerable side.

 

Sure there are guys who hate being emotional or talk about emotional stuff, that's a sign you shouldn't be with that person. I mean, if someone died in your family, you wanted someone to turn to, do you really want to talk to your boyfriend who says "Sorry, babe, I'm not good with this emotional stuff." He just comforts giving you a hug and not saying anything whenever you're sad or upset about something.

 

Guys can deny about not being emotional. But to be honest, everyone is emotional sometimes.

 

Anyway, sorry I exaggerated. Getting back to your point,

 

Speak up what you want and need. Stop pretending to want and need something when you don't or vice versa. It confuses the crap out of the guy. Be who you are and speak up. Voice your opinions. Don't go "I'll do whatever you like to do. I don't care" because that translates "Yea I just want to accompany you. I don't care what we do" and "I have no life."

 

By having no life I don't mean materials, or whatever it is. I mean by you're living on auto-pilot and playing a role instead of LIVING it.

[Thorshammer]

LOL Then you go Mortal Kombat on her. "Vitality is yours! Muwhahahaha!"

 

 

Looool!

[The_Seeker]

Looool!

 

At least someone got my sense of humor.

[Fun Boater 1]

Guy meets girl, guy likes girl, and there is amazing chemistry.

 

gUy and girl go out have an amazing time...whether there is sex or not.

 

Guy and girl talk via phone text, phone email, in person constantly.....and then....

guy withdraws and disappears...sometimes for days, sometimes for good.

 

I'm a guy and I have had a few GIRLS who have followed this same scenario. I don't think it's limited to gender-defined roles. There can be a multitude of reasons why a person withdraws or runs away. Too many reasons to list here. There are alot of flaky people in this world, male and female. The most important thing is realizing that the worse thing you can do when someone withdraws is to chase them. Hopefully, we find out early on that they are flakes and are unreliable. I'm kind of involved with a couple of females currently who are on the flaky side, so I can definitely identify with your frustrations!