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Messed about or testing the water?


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Hi all great advice in here now what do people think....


Ex dumped me 9 months ago. I was insecure. Lack of trust. We work together. Nightmare!


So I beg plead etc for ages no joy. Then I go nc. I get therapy I deal with issues and stop thinking about her constantly. In the meantime she dates, none of them work out.


Few months ago she emails once in a whole how's my life etc it's not easy for her and she misses me and stares at me at work.


I go on holiday for 2 months total nc. I get back and she's emailing, cuddles at lunch etc. I have a slight lapse when I tell her I still am in love with her and friends is difficult. She says " nothing ever lasts with us, yes we had a couple of good days and it changed..... Whatever! But it always goes back to this"


Since then I decided to just be nice chill out etc as I leave work in a month and see how it goes. She emails me all dy long we have lunch every day. She never contacts me outside work though. She has stopped dating and is flirty with me ie talks about sex etc.


I've said to her don't think u have to talk to me while I'm here she said she talks because she wants to and hasn't processed the fact I'm leaving.


Do people think she's testing the water? Seeing if I've changed? I'm going to carry on talking to her til I leave I'm fine with it, but what then? I've said to her if u want to c me then it will have to be outside work, she didn't have an answer.


I want her back but can't carry on after I go

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You know I wont try and figure out what she wants. I think you have as good of an idea as the rest of us. It could be testing the waters, it could just be that she sees you as a friend, I dont know.


But a question, what do you want? And lets assume that she doesnt want to get back together, what would you do based on that assumption? (Because unless she makes over moves to the contrary or says so, that is what I think you should assume).

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I think you should see what happens after you leave. If she stays in contact, then it may mean that you are more than a friend to her. If she is interested, she will keep in contact with you. We can't really know what she is thinking.


Meanwhile, keep things friendly and comfortable for you.

As someone already mentioned, what do YOU want? You are the most important person right now.

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Ego joe - many thanks what reactions would you expect if she was or was not interested?


Everyone - great advice I guess what I want is her back. However while I still work there I don't see why we can't get along fantastically as why not, it's only a month so why waste it going no contact? Once I leave really I want to be saying to her look we have got along well and maybe say can we go for a drink and if she says no just say well I can't be friends I have to move on. I don't want to seem petty or spiteful though. Any ideas on how to put it? I just ultimately can't be friends with her long term as I love her too much and want her back

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Let her miss you! I would go start your new job and do not contact her at all. I know in my experience if she loves you or misses you she will contact you. If you keep iniciating contact she will just keep pulling further away. Everyone is giving you the best advice at this point. Please do it you won't regret this because she will be back.. And maybe when she does it will be your decision if you want her!

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