1TAKENi Posted February 9, 2012 Share Posted February 9, 2012 I have decided that the man Ive been with for a year and a half that dumped me obviously wants his own space. I love him and I want to respect his wishes. But, I also love myself because I know that if I keep calling , texting, and IMing me, he's only going to run away from me even further. It took me 4 months to get past the phase of HOPE. I thought that maybe in our 6 encounters we have had since the break up he would miss me and want reconciliation. I was wrong. I dont want to be friends with him, because I know that we feel indifferent. The fact of the matter is Ive made so many mistakes and now that he is gone I realize how dumb I was, he had his flaws too, but I believe I was the reason he left me. I am now enrolled in school and working so I feel like Im going somewhere in life. All these things are helping me cope with my breakup. The problem is when I think of him (which is all the time) I feel really depressed He told me loves me and will always care about me. And says maybe it was wrong timing when we dated. He is the kind of guy that doesnt date that much. He has only had 3 gfs including me and he is 26. He is honest and really caring. After four months Ive decided to cut all contact with him, not that he calls me or anything but Ive decided to remove myself from his life completely so that I could give him SPACE, and hopefully (not counting on it) he comes back to me later in life. He knows I want to be better to him. Ive told him this numerous times after the break up. The longest Ive gone without talking to him was like for a week or almost two. But my temptation always messed my count up Im always thinking about the fun times we had and now that Im lonely I miss him and felt like he was a really important part of my life. I dont want to date for a long time because I know that Im not going to get over him. It hurts that he seems like he's past me;although, I dont know if this is true. Today its been like 3 days. I have not felt tempted all though I do check up on him always trying to see how he is doing. I miss him terribly. But I know it has to be done. I have to let him go. What should I do if he calls me or texts me (but has no intentions in being with me)? Link to comment
1TAKENi Posted February 9, 2012 Author Share Posted February 9, 2012 Feedback would be nice Link to comment
mhowe Posted February 9, 2012 Share Posted February 9, 2012 If you have been reading the forum, going NC is about healing yourself ---not a way to get someone back. So the question of how long do you do it --- for as long as it takes for you to heal. And if he tries to contact you, but has no intention of getting back together, then do not respond to the contact. This isn't magic. It is about strength of will to stop subjecting yourself to being hurt. Link to comment
newyear Posted February 10, 2012 Share Posted February 10, 2012 tho ught NC is also to get ex to miss you and give him or here a space to think and come back without being pushed. is that right? newyear If you have been reading the forum, going NC is about healing yourself ---not a way to get someone back. So the question of how long do you do it --- for as long as it takes for you to heal. And if he tries to contact you, but has no intention of getting back together, then do not respond to the contact. This isn't magic. It is about strength of will to stop subjecting yourself to being hurt. Link to comment
mhowe Posted February 10, 2012 Share Posted February 10, 2012 tho ught NC is also to get ex to miss you and give him or here a space to think and come back without being pushed. is that right? newyear No, not really. However, if you have been constantly texting, calling, etc. it does give them the chance to hear your silence, and experience their life w/out you in it. But that is truly a side benefit --- it is to heal yourself from the emotion thunderstorm you have been living in. Link to comment
newyear Posted February 10, 2012 Share Posted February 10, 2012 I did exactly this.. the breakup came as a shock and I panicked tried everyway to communicate with him intermittently for the first two months. we were in a 3 year relationship that was the centre of both our lives. then he asked me to not contact him after these two months.. he said to let HIM be the one to come back.. instead of me trying to convince him. he said to leave it to HIM. He also said he misses me. now its 12 days without contact. I wanted to show him I respect his request and hope he hears the sound of my silence and gather his thoughts. I hope he just did not say that so I stop contacting anyway. I generally trust his words but how can I do this all the way after his break up. hard to trust anyone again. No, not really. However, if you have been constantly texting, calling, etc. it does give them the chance to hear your silence, and experience their life w/out you in it. But that is truly a side benefit --- it is to heal yourself from the emotion thunderstorm you have been living in. Link to comment
mhowe Posted February 10, 2012 Share Posted February 10, 2012 That's the thing about trust --- you can't do it 1/2 way. You either do or you don't --- trust isn't conditional. You can't convince someone to come back --- they have to want to do it on their own. What you can do is show that you want them in your life -- you don't need them. And to do that --- you just live your life and learn from your experience. Regardless of what he said, the only way to show him is to say silent. Link to comment
1TAKENi Posted February 11, 2012 Author Share Posted February 11, 2012 I know what you mean newyear! Its can be confusing! Im going through the same thing you are. And my ex told me to let him be the one to come back as well. I know that this NC is only going to help me heal myself, but it's going to get harder its been a week since I decided to stop ALL contact. Now I really want to keep it going Im trying to stay busy and work all the time, so that maybe the feelings can go away! The negative factor is when you have a group of people who think they know you guys relationship and they try to tell your ex what HE SHOULD DO, and he feels pressured, so he does something you think he wouldnt do and that is to try and push you away so he can dump you! I know that if you were with someone for that long the best thing is to LEAVE THEM ALONE. I learned the hard way after 4 months, I knew what I was getting myself into, but I was too stubborn to see the truth. I was thinking woth my heart not with my head. I love this guy so much, but if there is nothing you can do to bring him back I think youre only going to hurt yourself. I was getting addicted to meeting up with him after the breakup, hoping for reconciliation, but obviously he wants his SPACE, so Ive decided to give it to him 100%/. Link to comment
newyear Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 1TAKENi, I was talking to a male friend about my case.. he believes that NC is only women point of view.. he thinks I should take matters in my hand more than this. like you I made a fool of myself in the earlier months.. but now I feel so strong with NC.. because like you I feel I am doin what he asked me to do. but my friends thinks I should confront him with all the bad things I could do to him.. he said this is the man's way and this is what a man will understand. my friend said I am giving him his way by taking this NC rule. I have addressed all men in this forum to tell me what they think about the NC and how does it work on them if they are the dumpers. Link to comment
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