Mustang4life Posted February 9, 2012 Share Posted February 9, 2012 So I am writing this because I have noticed that sex has become less frequent in my 8 month relationship. We use to have sex 2-3 times a week and now it is once a week if I am lucky. My gf was raised Catholic and believes we would be having lots more sex once we move in and are married (at minimum engaged). We have talked about getting married one day and moving in this summer. I have talked to her a few months ago about it (sex) and she said that sometimes she is just too tired to have sex. Also I live at home, so we can only do it at night...and she shares her room with another roommate, so we can only do it there when the roommate is away. What bothers me is like last night I was at her place. We made dinner together and cuddled (since her roommate was out for a few hours). My gf told me she was so wet and she reminded me we haven't had sex in a week because of her period. Then she said she was tired and rather read a book. This frustrates the heck out of me. I know it might sound insecure but it makes me feel like I am unattractive because she talks about wanting to do it but doesn't... How do I deal with this? If you are attractive to someone will you have sex regardless if you are tired? Does more sex mean more attraction? Link to comment
Gerda Posted February 9, 2012 Share Posted February 9, 2012 Lots of issues here. First off, sex tends to be less frequent as a relationship goes on, it seems to be inevitable. To expect to arouse somebody as much after five years as you did when the relationship was fresh is naive. Furthermore, attempts at pressuring her are probably going to compound the problem, so try to always be reasonable and respectful, keep the temper tantrums to yourself. Not saying you should stop trying or stop expressing your feelings, but just beware that people tend to want what they can't have and we enjoy a challenge--a guy breathing down your neck for sex is a TURN OFF. People want to have sex because THEY want to, not for somebody else. Which brings me to the next issue--are YOU doing everything you can? Are you satisfying her? Are you giving her orgasms? Don't give a knee-jerk reply, because the evidence does not suggest that you ARE satisfying her, and I'm not trying to hurt your feelings--most men do NOT satisfy their women, and then they wonder why their women doesn't want to go through what has become "the motions" of sex--it's because they aren't getting anything out of it. Are you still treating her like you did back at the beginning of your relationship? Probably not. Do you do things like buy her flowers? Tell her she is beautiful? A woman normally needs to feel properly appreciated to have sex with a man, she doesn't want to feel like she is giving him something and he is giving her nothing--which is what most men are inclined to do. The religion situation is EXTREMELY sticky--beware. I'd honestly advise you to either stop trying to have sex with her, or go find somebody else who doesn't have her reservations. I am also an extremely religious person. I wasn't so religious when I met the man who is now my husband, so I had little problem having lots of pre-marital sex with him. But as I became more interested in my church, I became actually turned off by the premarital sex. He knew I felt it was wrong, but he persisted, and this turned me off more and more. It came to feel like he was violating me, raping me or something, because he was somewhat "forcing" me to do something I felt was wrong. Granted he didn't use physical force, but there was emotional force, an underlying threat that if I didn't have sex with him I'd lose him. The longer this went on, the worse of a problem it became, to the point where he pretty much didn't turn me on at all and I came to dread sexual interaction. I know this doesn't seem fair, it seems like a "bait and switch," but it is what it is and you cannot change it. You are pressuring your girlfriend to do something that she thinks is wrong, something that goes against her religion. Honestly--that is not really a loving way to act, so you shouldn't be surprised that she doesn't want to "make love" with you. Be cautious, though, about the marriage thing, and even the moving in together thing. I'd advise against the second completely. How do you deal with it? I say you accept that sex violates your girlfriend's morals, and you either need to respect that or move on. If you respect it, there is a chance the relationship can continue. If you don't, then the relationship needs to end. People have a right to believe sex is for marriage. Yes, many of those people have sex anyway, but lots of us do things that go against our convictions--but that doesn't mean we need partners encouraging us or pressuring us to do so. Even if you are attracted to somebody, you can be too tired. You shouldn't ALWAYS be too tired, but it happens and shouldn't be seen as evidence of a lack of attraction. And more sex does not mean more attraction. Be very cautious about the marriage thing. I was once like your girlfriend, and marriage did NOT help our sex life INITIALLY. We've been together for five years now. Sex was good for the first 1.5 years, then it careened downhill. But things have improved tremendously in this past year, so a sexual relationship can be salvaged if it's disintegrated some. For me I would say there were three problems--the long period of damage where he tried to get me to have sex when I thought it was wrong, him never satisfying me, and him neglecting me. But I've heard plenty of men complain about their sex life going downhill after marriage, and very few that said marriage improved it so DON'T FALL FOR THAT. Personally, I think that if a person truly has religious convictions that premarital sex is wrong then marriage WILL improve their sex life. But sometimes I think women use religious convictions as an EXCUSE to avoid sex with somebody who they still won't want to have sex with after marriage. Link to comment
pinkelephant Posted February 9, 2012 Share Posted February 9, 2012 Ya, lately, I don't want sex with my bf anymore. I want it less when he pressures me or makes me feel guilty about it. JUST SAYING! Link to comment
Mustang4life Posted February 9, 2012 Author Share Posted February 9, 2012 Thanks for the replies. It is not like I am pressuring her (that I know of) but it is very frustrating for her to tell me she is "wet" and then be like "oh I am going to go read a book", like why even bother telling me. Link to comment
Day_Walker Posted February 9, 2012 Share Posted February 9, 2012 I think that you have to be realistic and realize that her saying she anticipates that you two will have more sex when you move in together and get married isnt going to happen. If you are not getting enough sex now then realize sex is only going to further decline. If you are willing to accept having sex only once a week then stay in this relationship but if you expectations are greater than 1 time a week it is time to move on. Link to comment
april15 Posted February 9, 2012 Share Posted February 9, 2012 First off that was a terrible tease, maybe not intentional but a tease none the less. I would have a talk with her about if you talk the talk, walk the walk. She may not know how worked up that got you by just telling you she was wet. My wife sometimes would hop in bed naked to initiate sex. She always wore jammies. So one time she just climbed in be naked and I got worked up and started making my moves while she was trying to go to sleep. We talked about it, and have an understanding that if she wants to sleep naked (no sex) she warns me ahead of time. She didn't know she was getting me worked up, the other times she was just saving the effort of having to undress. She doesn't want to be a tease. Because of your circumstances, it will be hard to get a good handle on frequency but I am thinking you will not be seeing a big increase if you move in together or when you get married. It seems like the frequency is not related to the circumstances. It is very possible that once a week is her comfort level and you will be at this or lower as time goes on, only time will tell. Link to comment
BryanPain Posted February 9, 2012 Share Posted February 9, 2012 Gzz, first grow up. Second, complaining about not getting enough sex is the surest way to not get any sex. If you want her, set the mood, treat her well, do something extra, give her a reason to want you. It's called romance, and believe it or not, it actually does work. Link to comment
RadicalDreamer Posted February 9, 2012 Share Posted February 9, 2012 I think that you have to be realistic and realize that her saying she anticipates that you two will have more sex when you move in together and get married isnt going to happen. If you are not getting enough sex now then realize sex is only going to further decline. If you are willing to accept having sex only once a week then stay in this relationship but if you expectations are greater than 1 time a week it is time to move on. I second this. Marriage will never "fix" anything that wouldn't be fixed in a relationship without it. First, kudos for not pressuring her. Nothing will make you less appealing than asking "But why no have sex?" However, even though you're putting forth a heroic effort by playing it cool, you still have to approach it carefully. She might have been telling you just to gauge your reaction or build the urgency even further. Sometimes a woman WILL want it, but when she broaches the subject we'll say something that kills the mood. It could be something that we should know is just wrong, or it could be something that should be the perfect thing to say, but whose mood-breaking powers we men cannot fathom. Maybe the window was open too wide, the moon was in the seventh house, AND she suddenly remembered it was National Soybean Awareness Day. Even the right answer is the wrong answer sometimes? Relationships are complicated. If I was the type to drink, I'd totally order you one just for that experience. Now maybe she will be more sexually available when you're married. OR, she could be using it as a stick and carrot so you can deepen the "superficial" commitment of the relationship. I'm not saying she's doing this consciously. That may be indeed what her subconscious was dictating, but her conscious mind will find some other reason for the infrequency. Suddenly she'll find herself less in the mood, some life stress that has always been there will happen to stress her out more, etc. etc. BUT that's not necessarily a bad thing. If the rest of the relationship strengthens, and if she is an otherwise good match for you, maybe less-frequent, more intense sex could be a good thing. Link to comment
Koglin Posted February 9, 2012 Share Posted February 9, 2012 Sex once weekly, if the two of you don't live together and not always have good opportunity, in a relationship approaching a year sounds relatively normal to me. There is really a good chance that the limited opportunities the two of you do have to have sex is when she's in fact tired or not in the mood. I doubt it has anything to do with being less attracted to you or anything. I'm sure once the two of you move in together and have all the privacy in the world you can expect your frequency to go up to 2-3 times. Link to comment
epsilon2x Posted February 11, 2012 Share Posted February 11, 2012 I've never understood why some people won't have sex during a period. All the girls I've ever been with are way more horny when it's that time of the month, plus you don't have to worry about getting her pregnant. Just put a towel down underneath you and take a shower afterwards. Link to comment
Lonewing Posted February 11, 2012 Share Posted February 11, 2012 Period sex is just as good as any other sex... Link to comment
Snowy Posted February 11, 2012 Share Posted February 11, 2012 Just put a towel down underneath you and take a shower afterwards. Too much effort. Link to comment
Lonewing Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 Too much effort. The shower afterwards makes up for all the effort...share one and find out!! Link to comment
Snowy Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 The shower afterwards makes up for all the effort...share one and find out!! Been there done that lol. I'm lazy Link to comment
The_Seeker Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 I've never understood why some people won't have sex during a period. All the girls I've ever been with are way more horny when it's that time of the month, plus you don't have to worry about getting her pregnant. Just put a towel down underneath you and take a shower afterwards. There's still a chance of the girl being pregnant. STILL A CHANCE. I agree girls do get way more horny when it's the time of the month. Heck I'm a girl and I'm will to admit that. However, period is very very messy. Period sex is just as good as any other sex... Ha ha maybe if you're a vampire. ;] Lonewing, I take it you are a vampire. LOL Too much effort. Totally agree. The shower afterwards makes up for all the effort...share one and find out!! Not if the period start overflowing onto the towel and bed. As you're walking, it's dripping. Makes the mess on the floor or carpet which would totally look like a crime scene. LOL Make sure no one call CSI. Been there done that lol. I'm lazy I agree. I'm lazy too. Link to comment
Lonewing Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 Been there done that lol. I'm lazy When either one of you gets lazy, THAT is when you lose your relationship. Like going back to the title question...More attraction equals more sex, and more sex equals more attraction! And then there's a couple day break when you both realize you have to cool off for a bit!! Think about that... Link to comment
Lonewing Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 There's still a chance of the girl being pregnant. STILL A CHANCE. I agree girls do get way more horny when it's the time of the month. Heck I'm a girl and I'm will to admit that. Cash in, girl... Not if the period start overflowing onto the towel and bed. As you're walking, it's dripping. Makes the mess on the floor or carpet which would totally look like a crime scene. LOL Make sure no one call CSI. So pick your spot well - one that's easy to clean, or keep a stash of royal red towels on hand, and when you're hot, strip down to a red towel... [hmmm, could he develop a Pavlovian response to the Red Towel? I do know there's a Playboy girl who has a thing for Always Posing with a red towel...hmmm] However, period is very very messy. In two and a half years, I found it to be Only Slightly messier than regular sex. But then, I partially attribute this to her being slightly wetter becasue she was int he mood and me not wearing a condom. We usually always waited until after the first one or two days, of course, before the no condom thing. This is where you as a girl have to know yourself; if you're sensitive enough that you'll get pregnant, don't do it. Otherwise, have at!! either way, be prepared to deal with whatever consequences occur...and besides, you're body is trying to bleed itself out anyway, so Let It All Out!!! Ha ha maybe if you're a vampire. ;] Lonewing, I take it you are a vampire. LOL One small rule... There is no oral sex during the period... but why would we??? I may have had issues getting off any other time of the month, but NOT on those five days!! If I did have trouble, well then, there was the shower...and she was good... I agree. I'm lazy too. Kick the habit. Don't get lazy, because once it starts, it's a hard habit to kick! Link to comment
Snowy Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 More attraction equals more sex yeah this is true. why else do you think I ever bothered to have period sex a few times in my life LOL Link to comment
Lonewing Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 yeah this is true. why else do you think I ever bothered to have period sex a few times in my life LOL ...cause you were scared that if you didn't have sex, she'd lose her attraction for you, and then you'd be lonely and single and dating the twins Lilly and Jill again? Link to comment
Snowy Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 ...cause you were scared that if you didn't have sex, she'd lose her attraction for you, and then you'd be lonely and single and dating the twins Lilly and Jill again? Nah more like I was too horny & didn't care what time of the month it was, and SHE was scared that if she didn't put out, I'd lose attraction for her Link to comment
pepsi71ocean Posted February 27, 2012 Share Posted February 27, 2012 my g/f is very conscious about sex when having her period, frankly i find it just as much fun either way. I agree though my sex life could be better and she is "to tired, or not in the mood, and i know that stems from stress with her roommate. And i agree a hared shower is just as much fun as the act its self. Link to comment
duke nukem Posted February 27, 2012 Share Posted February 27, 2012 Define "messy" for period sex. Link to comment
BlueEagle Posted February 28, 2012 Share Posted February 28, 2012 If you are attractive to someone will you have sex regardless if you are tired? Not necessarily. Sometimes fatigue can just wipe you out to where all you want is sleep. However, I do think if you can tactfully communicate with your partner so that she is aware that this is important to you then hopefully she can meet you in the middle and a compromise can be had. Even if it doesn't lead to intercourse, maybe more affection in general, manual stimulation, or oral sex. You have to talk to her about this so she knows though; you can't expect her (or anyone for that matter) to be a mind reader. Does more sex mean more attraction? Again, not necessarily. People are different and can express their attraction to their partners through a variety of other means, such as simply cuddling, or even just spending a lot of time together being in each other's company thereby strengthening that emotional connection. The key to remember is that people express themselves differently which inherently is not "right" or "wrong," or "normal" or "not normal"; if you feel neglected and wanting more sex than you're getting from her then you have a responsibility, in the interest of being a good and communicative partner, to broach the issue with her in a positive manner so she knows exactly what you would like, and if she can understand your perspective and accommodate you in helping meet your needs. Link to comment
PlayingAces Posted February 28, 2012 Share Posted February 28, 2012 For women, no. For men, yes. Link to comment
Snowy Posted February 29, 2012 Share Posted February 29, 2012 Define "messy" for period sex. Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Link to comment
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