blossom88 Posted February 9, 2012 Share Posted February 9, 2012 I have been dating a 30 year old man for some time now. When we got serious he told me that he is a virgin and preffered to stay that way until marriage. His reason behind this was religious conviction and I respected this as i was falling in love. Months into the relationship I have begun to wonder what really is behind my boyfriends motivation to stay a virgin. Firstly we have are now doing anything but penetrative sex and he seems to insist and push for this to happen. If truly his reason to stay a virgin was religious i believe that we would not be fooling around in this manner. The second thing that baffles me is that whenever we fool around he cannot finish or come. He goes soft or will stay stiff until his erection goes away after some hours. Sometimes I'll touch him and try every means to help him to come but it never happens. Whenever I try to bring it up he just tenses up and turns cold. I am frustrated now because I dont really know what am dealing with. Is this a long term thing and has anyone come accross this kind of thing? what causes a man not to finish off? the whole issues depresses me and makes me feel inadequate as a woman. Help!! Is the whole "saving my self for Marriage" an cloak or mask for his problem? Lastly playing that we do is frustrating me because I miss penetrative sex and the feelings it brings. And all the touching is just getting me hot and bothered. Link to comment
lukeb Posted February 9, 2012 Share Posted February 9, 2012 Most likely reason is because you are getting so frustrated because you are not getting what you want. Frustration, anxiety, stress are real erection killers. The more pressure you put in him to reach this goal and the more you are turning this into an issue and problem the more of an problem it will become like a vicious cycle. Like I have said many times before your sex organ isn't between your legs it is between your ears. Is he able to finish on his own with you in the room? Link to comment
OrangeMoon Posted February 9, 2012 Share Posted February 9, 2012 I dont want to be negative, but i can almost smell that there is somekind of issue at the base of it all. The fact that he can get a erection is a good thing though, even the fact that it can stay erected for awhile. But him not coming, or him blocking himself from coming, is something i do not understand. Naturally his body needs that release sometimes. I dont know..maybe there is some fear for the vagina and he has some thoughts in his head built up about ejaculation. Maybe that would be sex to him, and is not what he wants. I just wouldnt want to be nor marry someone who shows this kind of rigidness. either you keep the hands above board, just kiss and hold hands..or you engage in a healthy sexual relationship. But this 'in between' is confusing and very stressfull when one party ones more.. I would say to bring it back to a non 'sexual relations'-level and discover more about what makes this men tick ..inside his head and heart..Maybe there you will find the answer to what is bothering him sexually.. If he wants the no sex before marriage kind of purity, than you need to figure out ways to keep yourself from harms way too.. This means not getting yourself in situations you know will cause sexual tension.. Link to comment
Gerda Posted February 9, 2012 Share Posted February 9, 2012 If the man is comfortable enough to show you his penis and let you touch it, he needs to be comfortable enough to talk to you about what works for it and what doesn't, in other words, why he is reaching orgasm or why not. I see this as a major red flag, but it's really hard to judge such a thing by a simple post on a message board. I say, be direct. Ask him, "I know this makes you uncomfortable, but I NEED TO KNOW. Why do you never orgasm when we are together?" If he clams up, then run. It may be a minor thing for him, like not being comfortable enough to let go like that, but if he can't talk about it, then the issue is not going to get resolved. Link to comment
Fantanos Posted February 9, 2012 Share Posted February 9, 2012 My plan was to stay a virgin until marriage because that is my belief per the Bible. When I was younger I would do the same thing with girls I dated, we would do everything but sex.. if you think about it doing all that is basically sex and it doesn't make a lot of sense, but to me at the time it was okay. Any sexual impurity is a sin. So I know where this guy is coming from. The erection part, I don't know. Eventually I gave my virginity to a girl I loved and planned on marrying... well we didn't get married but I am glad I lost it to a girl that I was in love with. Hang in there, if you too truly fall in love and he thinks you could be the one it will work out. Link to comment
blossom88 Posted February 10, 2012 Author Share Posted February 10, 2012 @lukeb at the moment I have stopped asking what the isue is and have decided to just the let things be for now. But my main issue is I would still want to know what kind of issue I am dealing with. Even with me in the room he is not able to finish himself off but he can do so alone. @Orangemoon you hit the nail on the head with this and i can see that you understand where I am coming from: I just wouldnt want to be nor marry someone who shows this kind of rigidness. either you keep the hands above board, just kiss and hold hands..or you engage in a healthy sexual relationship. But this 'in between' is confusing and very stressfull when one party ones more.. Link to comment
blossom88 Posted February 10, 2012 Author Share Posted February 10, 2012 Gerda you are so right. I just need to know and want him to be open with me. honestly without knowing i have led myself to so many conclusion e.g. he might be gay and denying it. Link to comment
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