SurferDude Posted February 9, 2012 Share Posted February 9, 2012 I'm starting to wonder if I'm a tool. Bit of a complex situation (sorry for the length): I work as a freelance editor/tutor, and got a gig from a girl to go over her resume/grad school essays and tutor her for the exams. Worked with her for a few months and developed a really good relationship - we have lots of things in common and we'd chat for hours outside of our regular structured time. I started thinking about asking her out. I felt it'd be unprofessional if I asked her out while she's a client so I told her I was interested in her, "resigned", and asked her out. We went out a few times after that (dinner, running, that sort of thing). I still worked with her but stopped accepting her $ - we'd meet up a few times a week to go over things and usually get dinner after. I usually paid. We never really moved beyond the casual stage - she mentioned early on that she was too busy to be in a relationship and I shouldn't expect anything serious for now, and I was all right with that - she seemed worth waiting around for. She also mentioned she had some "unresolved issues" with her ex - she broke up with him 6 months ago mainly because she started getting busy/stressed with things and felt like she couldn't handle being in a relationship with everything else. Apparently she never told him why she broke up with him, and he never asked, even though they went out for 3 years. The last few weeks she's been really burnt out - stressed out with her job and grad school apps and she also does a lot of nonprofit work on the side. She got one of her pharm friends to get her some anti-anxiety meds, which she started taking. I've read a few anxiety and stress-relief books so I could be supportive and understand what she's going through. Anyways, we meet up last week to help her with her stuff and she tells me she thinks it'd be best if we stopped seeing each other. She said she had a talk with her ex because she wanted to explain to him why she broke up with him, and she realized she still has feelings for him, and he still has feelings for her - she didn't think they would ever get back together but she said she felt it was unfair for me to keep being supportive and helpful (AKA "the nice guy") and she felt guilty hanging out with me since her ex still has feelings for her. * * * is that about? If your ex (who YOU broke up with) hasn't gotten over you, you can't hold hands with another guy? (we haven't progressed beyond the holding hands, hugging, good-night kiss stage - she wanted to keep things casual for now). I'm stunned by this and tell her I feel like I've been used. She says that if it makes me feel better, she'll promise to cut things off with her ex - she just doesn't want to deal with complications right now. This completely blows me away - if the problem isn't her ex, what's the problem? She says she'd like to still be friends - I tell her I feel really hurt by all this to which she responds "I didn't know you felt so strongly about it. I told you I wanted to keep things casual. Now that I know you like me so much, I really don't want to see you again. I don't want that kind of pressure." I felt down for a few days (I really like her and I've been trying to be supportive and helpful for the past 5 months) and then sent her an email saying I understand she's going through a tough time and if she wants to go back to being friends, we can. She replies back saying that she doesn't want to deal with me right now. I'm totally confused - I've been patient, considerate, and careful not to put any pressure on her, and we had a really good friendship. I'd be okay with just being friends, but for me to suddenly be erased from her life is really confusing to me. Why wouldn't you want to be friends with someone you have fun with and who's caring and nice? Was I just being used? She's been a big part of my life for the past 5 months - for her to suddenly go AWOL makes me feel confused and depressed. Link to comment
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