playstheblues Posted February 9, 2012 Share Posted February 9, 2012 I just found out that all my friends including my ex are going away for the weekend for a birthday. I'm not invited because it's his sisters birthday ( who complicatedly was my friend before I started going out with my ex 9 years ago). Obviously all our friends have become mutual. This pain is so much to bear. It's easy for him- he hasn't lost everything. I have. Ive had to step away and now I'm not included in anything because he's always there. I am hyperventilating because I'm so sad. Also, my friends are now ithe awkward position where they don't even feel they can tell me because I'll be hurt, but instead I end up finding out and being even more hurt. They have not meant to take sides but reeslly, they have his side. Those friends were my friends not his, my group, my history, my past and now they can't be a part of my future because of him. It's like everyone elses life is just continuing and I'm left to start again. Almost as though I didn't exist. Exactly like I didn't exist. It's hard enough to have him walk away but it's not apparent I've lost all my friends too. I'm in NC but it's not helping at the moment. Maybe i just have to cut all my friends out too. All I can think about is how has he been able t forget me and move on. I'm so lost, I didn't think I could feel worse but I'm drowning. Link to comment
Mustachio Posted February 9, 2012 Share Posted February 9, 2012 Im sorry to hear you are going through this. But, its just one weekend though. Im sure your friends are still there for you, but sometimes with mutual friends, it is difficult and it might be a juggling act for a while. In the meantime, do you have any friends who were not part of this group or directly friends with your ex? Or family to confide in or spend time with? Link to comment
playstheblues Posted February 9, 2012 Author Share Posted February 9, 2012 Im sorry to hear you are going through this. But, its just one weekend though. Im sure your friends are still there for you, but sometimes with mutual friends, it is difficult and it might be a juggling act for a while. In the meantime, do you have any friends who were not part of this group or directly friends with your ex? Or family to confide in or spend time with? I wish it was just one weekend. It's actuamaybe he 3rd time it happened and there will be more. the only reason my ex is so close with that group is because he was my boyfriend, not because he usually hung around his sister and her friends which included me (he didn't) Unfortunately, they are all my best friends but I will spend time with my mum and dad. I'm just sick of feeling awful though, it's been easy for my stupid stupid ex. He's been able to carry on as though I didn't exist but my whole life has altered. I feel sick. I've lost not only him, but everyone else who is so important to me and he will just slot in- probably take a new girlfriend and everyone will just forget about me. I want to disappear. I don't want to be here but I don't want to be anywhere else. I've tried so hard to be positive and try to move foreward but my heart has been broken and smashed into a million pieces and I'm not getting any breaks here. It's so easy for him. So easy. Link to comment
Mustachio Posted February 9, 2012 Share Posted February 9, 2012 Well that sucks that its happened multiple times. And yes, it sounds like you got the short end of the stick on this one. I know you are tired of feeling that way, but it will pass. It just takes time. Believe me I know. I spent probably 4 or 5 months in hell after my breakup and I will tell you that it definitely gets better. I too wanted to disappear, but you really need to just give it time. Also, dont be too quick to assume that its all roses for him. Sure, he might be the one spending time with the friends, and on the surface it may seem that he is doing great, but its just that, an assumption. Perhaps the reason he has been clinging to your friends so tightly is because maybe he is really struggling too and really needs the support. Link to comment
Alexandra05 Posted February 9, 2012 Share Posted February 9, 2012 hey dont worry... its all part if the break up especially if you had mutual friends... but the good thing is that with time you will get over it " in the lengthnes of time all thins willl fall into place" for now just leave the whole group alone and focus on yourself i know it sucks but we'v all been through it... one day you will be over this situation... Link to comment
playstheblues Posted February 9, 2012 Author Share Posted February 9, 2012 Thanks- it just hurts so bad. I was trying my hardest- sticking to NC for 37 days now which is the longest time we've been apart /not spoken in ten years so that is taking its toll on me and when I find out stuff like this it hurts so bad nothing will stop the pain. When do I start to feel better? I've lost everything.. I just want to crawl into my cupboard (my safe place) and fall asleep until the pain has gone. I'm doing everything I can do but it still smacks you in the face and I'm angry because I've been so compassionate towards him and tried not to make the situation awkward for anyone else but it seems it's me who hurts the most. Even if my friends miss me, they've only lost one friend- I've lost all of them. My ex has lost nothing. Link to comment
Live-N-Learn Posted February 9, 2012 Share Posted February 9, 2012 Are none of them closer to you than him? I can't imagine all your friends choosing him over you. Those are not what I would call good friends. I'm sorry to hear about what your having to endure. I had it happen to me as well. Hang in there. Link to comment
playstheblues Posted February 9, 2012 Author Share Posted February 9, 2012 Are none of them closer to you than him? I can't imagine all your friends choosing him over you. Those are not what I would call good friends. I'm sorry to hear about what your having to endure. I had it happen to me as well. Hang in there. They are supposed to be closer to me than him, but because it is his sisters birthday, nd my friends obviously want to go, I'm on the out. Really unfair. Link to comment
luminousone Posted February 9, 2012 Share Posted February 9, 2012 Oh that really is low... However I don't think they are choosing him over you - it sounds like they are choosing to be friends with his sister, and he happens to be tagging along... I think it is time to look for some new friends, and in time those that want to stay friends with you will make an effort. 13 years ago my husband and I lived near the med school, and so when some friends of my in-laws needed help with childcare, I watched their kids for free for 9 months while the dad had cancer treatments. Eventually they moved back to their town and a few years later we moved there too, and got to be great friends. After my ex had affairs and then left me for an internet girlfriend, they ended up asking HIM to their Christmas parties, and also introduced him to single women. It really really hurt - I could not believe they supported him like that, especially when I put my entire life on hold to watch their children for free... It has been 3 years now, and I have come to terms with it. They have their own reasons for wanting to continue their friendship with him and not fostering one with me, and I have moved on to more wonderful and more loyal friends! So - find some different friends, get really busy in your life, and have your own parties and get-togethers and trips and outings, so that your happiness does not depend on what your ex's friends do... Link to comment
playstheblues Posted February 9, 2012 Author Share Posted February 9, 2012 Oh that is so horrible too! The sad thing is these people were my friends first, and now it's like it's easier for me to step out of the way and be non existent so they can all carry on as though their lives haven't changed. I'm so angry my ex has not had to make changes or adjust and absolutely everything has changed for me. And I mean everything. L that has done is made it easier for him and more difficult for myself. Link to comment
playstheblues Posted February 10, 2012 Author Share Posted February 10, 2012 Should I contact my friend and tell them I fell hurt, or will this lead to them just rolling their eyes and thinking I nt her to get over this breakup already.. Link to comment
playstheblues Posted February 10, 2012 Author Share Posted February 10, 2012 I'm not tempted to break NC but I am feeling angry about this- I know there is no point conveying my anger but still, anger all the same. Link to comment
playstheblues Posted February 19, 2012 Author Share Posted February 19, 2012 So it was this weekend. I've basically been a wreck. I've been sitting he just thinking about everyone enjoying themselves and me, not even thought about. I've even got reason to believe that my ex took a new girl to the weekend with him. What the hell? None of my friends have even told me and I know they are trying to spare my feelings but REALLY? You don't tell one of your best friends that their ex was on a weekend away and bought their new partner? I am so beyond hurt. I want to go and ring him and scream at him. How dare he send me a message saying 'good night petname, hope you are well' - how dare he invade my social circle, make it impossible for me to attend and bring someone else. How dare he shut me out. The worst thing is, when my brother collapsed and I thought he was dead, all I wanted was comfort from my ex but I remained strong and did not contact him. I imagine my friends would have mentioned my brother. He would know now about my brother and he has not even contacted me to ask if I'm alright and if he is alright? What the hell? What is wrong with him? Seriously? Aft 9 years and my brother almost dies and he doesn't even BOTHER TO GET IN CONTACT BUT HE CAN SEND A LOUSY TEXT MESSAGE THE DAY BEFORE? What the hell? Evidently hes too busy wiping me from his life and taking his new girlfriend to replace me with my own friends... Surely my friends would have mentioned my brother to him? Link to comment
playstheblues Posted February 23, 2012 Author Share Posted February 23, 2012 Tonight I'm feeling so do so upset. I've been bursting into tears all day. I was hoping that the message he sent last week was the start of him missing me, but nothing else, even though he knows my brother almost died. I want him to miss me like I miss him. He isn't coming around. He isn't missing me over time. It's been almost 7 months and 52 days NC and I'm still so hurt. I'm not feeling better. I've been trying so hard, and I thought, I just thought if I was patient and kind and understanding, eventually he would miss me enough to want to contact me at the very least. But even though he's unhappy, he still doesn't want to be with me. He doesn't want me. Link to comment
playstheblues Posted February 23, 2012 Author Share Posted February 23, 2012 I just had the thought, and it made me feel sick. This is my real life. I'm going to die one day, and this is going to continue to be my life until that point. He doesn't not want me. After 9 years, he walked away without trying to work things out. He is not in my future and my future no longer contains the things it was going to. He is happy without me. Link to comment
TriColors Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 I just had the thought, and it made me feel sick. This is my real life. I'm going to die one day, and this is going to continue to be my life until that point. He doesn't not want me. After 9 years, he walked away without trying to work things out. He is not in my future and my future no longer contains the things it was going to. He is happy without me. PTB: I know you are upset and taking this break up very hard, but remember, there will come a time when you are happy without him. Link to comment
playstheblues Posted February 23, 2012 Author Share Posted February 23, 2012 PTB: I know you are upset and taking this break up very hard, but remember, there will come a time when you are happy without him. Thank you. I don't feel like there will be. I don't know why I'm so bad. I think it was the whole party thing, receiving a message, talking to his sister, hearing that he was breaking down, and now having no contact from him whilst my brother is sick. Every day it gets more real, more times goes by and I miss him even more. I have those horrible feelings of desperation back again. Link to comment
playstheblues Posted February 23, 2012 Author Share Posted February 23, 2012 Sleep didn't give me much repreive. I dreamt about him all night.and he is the first thing I'm thinking about today. Why am I so upset?! Link to comment
springfun0214 Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 Im so sorry you are feeling especially bad today. I know that when you hear or know of an event that your ex is attending or something special in their life it sets you back tremendously. Someone that at one time was your whole world and then all of the sudden they are just gone. Like a rug gets pulled out from under you. You aren't alone, hang in there it will be ok. You are such a sweet person I can tell! Link to comment
playstheblues Posted February 24, 2012 Author Share Posted February 24, 2012 Im so sorry you are feeling especially bad today. I know that when you hear or know of an event that your ex is attending or something special in their life it sets you back tremendously. Someone that at one time was your whole world and then all of the sudden they are just gone. Like a rug gets pulled out from under you. You aren't alone, hang in there it will be ok. You are such a sweet person I can tell! Thankyou- It's also just the pain of having him contact, and then nothing... Also no contact when my brother is so ill, I am really really struggling at the moment. Have an impulse to message him, email him or whatever. I just want to contact him. It's so hard. I'm going to be going back to the city that we lived in together (i left three months after breakup to live with my brother and his family) and I'm so nervous. I'm obviously not going to contact him to see him. What if I run into him? Even worse. What if I see him with another girl? How do i react if I see him? Pleased to see him or just put my head down and walk away. I wish I wasn't feeling this horrible at the moment. I need some peace and clarity but it's not happening for me. I wish he would come back- and I know, everyone is going to say- just move on etc etc, but at the moment I'm stuck. Link to comment
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