icebeam Posted February 8, 2012 Share Posted February 8, 2012 I will keep this as short as possible. I and my ex-girlfriend were going out for a little over two years. Things started out very well and we had everything in common. The first year was pretty good expect for a minor lies or forgetfulness on my part. Then I stopped doing the small things to show her I cared, spent more time with my friends, and would not work on the little things she asked me to. Such as spending more time with her, going on more dates, being more direct with her etc. Then she would break up with me to try to get me to realize these things but we would always get back together in less than 48 hours with me saying I’ll work on them (this happened 15+ times). I never did, I just didn’t think she would ever leave. She treated me beyond perfect and I did not appreciate this until after the final break-up. The last time we broke up was around 10 days ago and she went no contact with me. Deleted me form everything first time she ever did this. I called her she said she needed space and time. I said lets be friends and she said I can’t be friends with you. Four days later I drove 3 hours to see her and brought her flowers, candy, and a 3 page letter detailing everything I’m going to work on. (I was going to drop it at her door but she ditched college class so she was there) we went to dinner and I paid and she told me she does not know if she needs to date other people or not. She also said she can’t see me b/c it makes her want more with me. We went to her room and she said one last time and not to think anything of what she was going to do. She cuddled me and kissed me then made me go on my way home. She told me I could contact her once a week on my way out (casual text) I then broke casual and did not stop bugging her, she then said I never want to be friends, I don’t love you etc. I wrote her a song and she declined it on Skype she then texted me Back off, I need space you need to respect that. 3 days later with no contact she texted me letting me know she had her period and I just said thanks for letting me know. Did not try to start a conversation. She then called me later that night asking me how I was and if she could use my papa john’s account. (Which she could have just made her own) I told her yes and then she said “I really want to be friends with you but you need to respect my space. I would like you to text me every little while and we can talk but no coming up here or abusing it (IE contacting her every day) I said I understood and had to go to bed. Call was only 8 mins. I really love her and want her back and have been working professional help on the matter and I am working to make myself better and really make the changes she wants. She always said if I made the little changes I would be the best guy for her in the world. If I want her back should I play by this or just say I can’t handle friends at this point. (I can do friends if people think it will give me a chance to show her I’m changing but if you think this will leave me with nothing but friends until she finds someone new I need to know. Thanks for all your help and advice. Link to comment
Glowguy Posted February 9, 2012 Share Posted February 9, 2012 She is completely right. You need to respect her wishes and seriously back off. Being friends with her is a pipe dream and you both know it. A friendship cannot work if one of you wants something more. I suggest you go full no contact and read some of the threads on this forum about healing. It will take time to get over this but you have to find an outlet and stop freaking out. Your behavior is escalating and it is borderline stalkerish. Trust me - all you are doing is pushing her away further. Why do you think she keeps reiterating the need for space? It's because she does not want to be around you. I know that is harsh and it's not what you want to hear but you need to move past this and start focusing on yourself. Link to comment
creativeF Posted February 9, 2012 Share Posted February 9, 2012 In my opinion, the more she sees you changing the more she will be intrigued about your new personality. But you have to make sure these changes are for yourself not for her. Only then will you become a good boyfriend who doesn't go back on his words. Focus on what made the relationship weak and work on those issues. Also don't come accross as needy to her because it will put her off. Keep it cool and give her space. Let her observe and admire you Link to comment
dazednconfuse Posted February 9, 2012 Share Posted February 9, 2012 why is it guys always act when it is too late? she has hit rockbottom. her heart is obviously broken, of course she still loves you but she is probably scared that she will be battling the same problems she had been while you to were together. just give her the space she is asking for, contacting her will only push her further away. if you truly want to be with her again you need to prove to her that the changes you are promising will actually last well into relationship and not just for a few months.. Link to comment
icebeam Posted February 9, 2012 Author Share Posted February 9, 2012 The main thing is, should I text her once or twice a week like she asked for last night? Link to comment
dazednconfuse Posted February 9, 2012 Share Posted February 9, 2012 no, let her contact you. by contacting her you are giving her the power and the amunition to yell at you. just let her come to you. as long as she knows that you are there for her when she is ready to talk. give her time to miss you.. Link to comment
icebeam Posted February 9, 2012 Author Share Posted February 9, 2012 no, let her contact you. by contacting her you are giving her the power and the amunition to yell at you. just let her come to you. as long as she knows that you are there for her when she is ready to talk. give her time to miss you.. Won't this make her think I don't care about her. Sense she did tell me to contact her? Link to comment
dazednconfuse Posted February 9, 2012 Share Posted February 9, 2012 well contact her then.. Link to comment
icebeam Posted February 9, 2012 Author Share Posted February 9, 2012 I have read that by doing that though you make her more comfortable with the break-up and less likely to want to get back together is that true in all cases? Link to comment
Fun Boater 1 Posted February 9, 2012 Share Posted February 9, 2012 I have read that by doing that though you make her more comfortable with the break-up and less likely to want to get back together is that true in all cases? Dude, she's asked you to give her space. You MUST respect her request. If you don't, you will drive her father away and will never have a chance to try again with her. I don't know what your reading (what I quoted you above) but it's a bunch of crap. Continuing to pester her about the relationship and trying to hang around her as her "faux friend" will lead to nothing but disaster. Don't even bother with the "texting her once a week", or whatever stupid "rules" she is trying to lay on your. Just keep your distance and let her contact you. She asked for space. Give her what she wants and give her a chance to miss you for real. In the meantime you move forward with making whatever self improvements you feel you have to make. Focus on moving on. Start living your life as if she were never in it, or will ever be in it again. Accept that, what was, was...but isn't anymore. Couple of questions - What "little things" is she talking about that you need to change? You and her live 3 hours apart? You're both still in college? Link to comment
icebeam Posted February 9, 2012 Author Share Posted February 9, 2012 Being more romantic, talking to her more, Doing things out of the blue etc. I graduated with my B.S she is still in school 3 hours away. Link to comment
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