Pressure to call my dad

[Nightingale93]

I'll try to briefly explain this. My father is a chronic paranoid Schizophrenic. He's been this way for about 18 years. I've never had any sort of relationship with him and I see him on occasion. The past 2 years he has slowly gotten worse. I've never seen him this bad before.

 

He's been in and out of the hospital a couple times for not taking his anti-psychotic medication and getting his shots. He has a social worker of some sort that manages him now rather than my grandparents paying for everything. He lives in an apartment and is close to being evicted which means the social worker will drop him and he will be homeless pretty much.

 

Because of all this stuff going on recently with him it's a big sore spot for me. His condition didn't really affect me until recently when I had a dream he was "normal" and then not too long after that he came in my work (our family owned restaurant) randomly. He was so delusional and for him to leave his house and come there was shocking to everyone. He usually just stays in the area he lives in. He sat at our bar talking to himself. It was traumatizing. Ever since seeing him come in like that anytime I think about him or talk about him my eyes swell up.

 

Last week he was put back into the hospital and is going to court soon so they can force him to take his medication. My older sister asked me yesterday if I wanted to visit him because he was upset and wanted to see us. I agreed. My grandparents were going to go also.

 

This is the issue for me. My grandma called earlier and said we aren't going to be able to see him tonight but wants us to call him. She goes on about what I should talk to him about and to get off the phone with him (you can't really hold a conversation with him) just to say I'm tired or something. But she springs this on me all suddenly wanting me to do it immediately. I told her I didn't know when I'd get a chance to do it but I honestly wasn't very comfortable with calling him at the hospital and I needed time to think about all this. She proceeded to tell me that she told him we'd call tonight and he'd be waiting for us to call all day. What the hell? I'm very upset about this. I feel pressured and anxious now. I feel like I will be letting him down if I don't call him tonight. It's not so easy just to call my dad in the mental ward of the hospital and talk to him. I'm a little more than irritated about this.. I really want some time to be able to think about what I want to say and let this all settle in but I feel like I'd be letting him down. She told me there's nothing I need to think about saying and it'd be a lot easier than seeing him. I disagree because if I would have visited him I wouldn't have had to talk to him one on one alone. What should I do?

[charity]

i would just call him. i know you are nervous. but it will be ok and it will be done with fast. my uncle is schizophrenic and i have seen the hell he and his family have gone through. it is so hard. but if you were gonna see him anyway, then i think you could call him briefly and break the ice.

[dazednconfuse]

my dad suffers from Schizophrenia aswell, he was diagnosed with it when i was just a baby. i don't have a relationship with him really. he sends me birthday cards with money in it, i know he loves me but i like you find it difficult to have a conversation with him. its hard but i talk to him like im writing in a diary, i tell him everything i have been up to for the last few weeks.

 

its not there fault that they have this disorder, they can't change it. its a small amount of your time, just do it cause it will mean alot to him, knowing you are still there for him.

 

as much as you want a normal father, its not going to happen. he is the way he is, don't reject him for that. ( i did that, i went 4 years without talking to my father, now i call him every 2 months or so. i just realized that he is my dad and is the reason why i am here.

[Nightingale93]

I planned on calling him, but not right away like she insisted. I guess I feel really pressured

[dazednconfuse]

if you don't feel comfortable then don't. do what makes you happy.