Completely different values?

[replytome]

Ok, so I just got off the phone with my dad, and I was telling him that I've booked to go to Spain during my easter holidays to help out at an orphanage. I told him that I'm sick of the material mindset and the whole idea of living in excess. My plan is to work, and instead of going on holidays at resorts and just sit around and ''enjoy'' myself for two weeks, I plan on doing volunteering trips instead... e.g. see African countries by going there to help build a school or something, or see Tibet by going there to work at an orphanage. I would live with local families, really get immersed into their culture and the money I pay for the program would go directly to that family. I mean, after two weeks of that I would definitely be sooo much happier than after two weeks of chilling at a resort playing golf or something.

 

It would seem normal to me for him to be happy that his son is a good human being who cares about things like kindness, rather than ''get as much stuff before you die as possible, nothing's more important.'' Until now I've done everything right! Everything my parents would ever have wanted me to do. I did my bachelor, worked for a year earning EUR 40K per annum, and now I'm doing my Master degree.

 

So, my dad responded by saying, why do you want to hop around. Think of yourself first, and focus on work etc etc.... I said I am and I have, but 2 - 4 weeks out of my life to help others and give back to society is not a bad thing...

 

Basically he just wouldn't digress.

 

The thing is, my best friend is a billionaire, and he paid for my 5 star holiday in Dubai. When my dad saw the pictures of that holiday he was really happy and was saying how proud he was of me.... what the hell?? That was NOT an achievement. I didn't ''deserve'' it or anything, I just got lucky that my friend was very nice.

 

It's hard to accept that his ideals are so different. My mother is kind of the same.

 

I am not religious at all. I don't believe there's anything beyond what we witness. However, I strongly think that there is only one thing greater than the universe, and that is showing kindness and love to our fellow living things. All this material stuff will wither, and anything we do for ourselves beyond necessities is just empty and meaningless in time. But helping kindness prevail in a chaotic world, I believe, is echoed beyond the limits of our universe and that echo is never-ending.

 

But I really wish my parents would be proud of me when it counts. And I wish that helping others was seen as a good thing, not a ''hippy'' or ''socialist'' thing.

[digdug]

That sounds tough ... but I can tell you to stay true to yourself, don't lose sight of who you are.

 

You have been the source of many a good advice for me and others. What you are doing is akin to some of the things I have done along my journey of self discovery. Only you know what completes you. Stay on point.

 

I know from interaction with you in other parts of this site that you are a good dude. Different times, different values. The world didn't need to pull together more than now. I commend you for your willingness to step out and do your part.

 

Off the soapbox ....lol

 

Good luck!

~dig

[RedDress]

Woo! Kudos to you!

 

I guess my only question is... is it cost efficient? What company are you going with? I actually looked into doing this type of vacation myself. It interested me a lot!! The problem was that it cost thousands upon thousands of dollars - MUCH more than I expected for a volunteer stay. When I read about why it is so expensive, it is because it's not very efficient for them. First they have to train you (which costs money). Then they have to pay insurance on you. They ramp you up and then... oops! right when you are actually useful, you are gone. Not to be a Debbie Downer... but from what I was reading, they were saying that they preferred it if you could volunteer a minimum of 6 months to a year OR if you could just donate money so that they can hire a local person to do the job (further helping the economy). They kind of implied that less of a commitment would be more about your ego than it would be about helping them. Eek! That's when I got turned off and walked away. Was I misinformed? Is there something better out there? Because I'd love to do it too if it's actually helpful!

 

As for the parent thing... I dunno... you will never fully get your parents approval (I know I won't, anyways). Do what you feel is right. Let them criticize.

[pl3asehelp]

It doesn't sound like your motivation for volunteering is to help people, but instead because you like to travel and enjoy the experiences that go with that. It actually sounds a lot like your Dad's philosophy.

 

Would you be interested in doing the same amount of volunteering, but doing it where you live now? That way you'd know you were doing it out of kindness instead of wanderlust.

[replytome]

Aah thanks for that info! Well yeh the point would be to help rather than to drain on resources. I just always thought that donating is very inefficient in the way that only like 20% or something actually goes towards the cause. Maybe I've been wrong. I have donated a few times, and I always ask for my parents etc to donate to different causes rather than to buy me presents. They almost never do it.. but if I get money as a present I do it myself. My long term plan has always been to have a successful career, and then use what I've gained to somehow help the world. In the way of teaching the person to fish, rather than to give him a fish...ya know? I still have a long time to figure out how to do that, but yeh...

 

I couldn't afford to volunteer for 6 months or so... I could only do it during holidays. I guess I could donate then and maybe help out locally e.g. help handing out food and blankets to homeless people etc. And then just go on holidays for myself I guess.

 

Also, I understand that it also has to do with oneself feeling good and about ones own ego, but as long as it also benefits others and is a win win situation, I see no problem with it.

[replytome]

It doesn't sound like your motivation for volunteering is to help people, but instead because you like to travel and enjoy the experiences that go with that. It actually sounds a lot like your Dad's philosophy.

 

Would you be interested in doing the same amount of volunteering, but doing it where you live now? That way you'd know you were doing it out of kindness instead of wanderlust.

 

Well first of all I'm going to Spain to do this because my grandfather is the Director or something of the charity/orphanage over there. Basically they take care of children who crossed over from north of Africa whose parents drowned on the way. And going there to help would be seeing him and helping, and having somewhere to stay as well. Two birds with one stone.

 

But yes, the idea was to kill two birds with one stone, see the world in a way that also benefits others, you know? Rather than seeing the world for just my own benefit...

[DreamingLife]

I understand where you're coming from. I got my degree and after working in the field for some time got turned off by the greed, selfishness and messed up priorities of the people surrounding me. I left and I feel happy about it, even though my life doesn't have that "surefire" path I am happy with it and proud of what I am doing. Unfortunately you cannot do anything about the system all by yourself, but you're free to choose how to live your life. My guess as to the reaction you got from your father is that once you actually step on that trail that many people call "hippy/socialist" you experience a sort of slow social death of sorts and inevitably you are going to continually change and evolve in your kindness and involvment with such charitable programs (i feel once it's in you and you start following your heart you'll keep close to such things, i know i have). So, on one side I guess he's worried that you'd be breaking the mold and thus limiting your chances for what he considers success. On the other side, it's just the old mindset. I say, do what you feel in your heart, don't pay too much attention to the negative remarks your family may have and go for it. I would probably see you as more progressive within your family. I don't really remember how it goes, but in psychology there is a basic chart of behaviors and we fulfill the basics like hunger, shelter, etc. first, then I think comes love and acceptance, and then you move yourself to the outside activities like helping others. So, simply put, in emotional maturity you're just a few steps ahead. That's my take of the situation.

Btw, your post made me feel really good. Knowing that there are people with good hearts and beautiful intrinsic values who stand up for their ideas ... puts a smile on my face!

[annie24]

My mom is not supportive either. Things that I value ", she doesn't. To her, the most important thing in life is that I get married and have children. I don't think anything else matters that much. I think you have to accept your father is who he is, and it's time for you to do whatever makes you happy. Whether that's volunteering or going on a five-star resort holiday. You have to live with your decisions, so you need to be happy with them. Don't look to your dad for reinforcements.

[Tia Emma]

Some parents will mess with you when they know you're looking for a certain response.

Anyway, interesting discussion from several posters. Ugh, airfare is soooo expensive. I love to travel and have done as much as I can during the era of all the fare wars, and plus I was young. But now I find I need to have a valid reason to spend over a thousand on a holiday.

[abitbroken]

Why not spend your vacation volunteering locally? Everyone wants to help children in India or Africa, but there are people starving right outside your door. People volunteer at soup kitchens on Christmas, but who is there for Easter? Also, if your billionaire friend helped you raise money to add more beds to a children's crisis center in your county, prevent a church who ran a ministry sheltering the homeless from having to shut its doors, fund a nutritionist to teach a group of people how to cook healthy cheap meals, etc, you would be impacting your community and making it a better place. Getting people off welfare, helping them feed their own families creates more grateful people who are out in the world ready to lend an extra hand. There are some pretty blighted areas in some cities. They could really use your help.

[PlayingAces]

I can't speculate because I don't know your family ... but what I DO know, is if it's possible to avoid family confrontations, it's best to do so. All you can do is speak honestly and respectfully, and hope they'll understand. If they don't, decide what you'll do from that point.

[pinkelephant]

well, my friends did trips to africa to help build a school or whatever and it's basically like what the previous poster said, it's actually not really helping anyone. i mean, it's a cute idea and all, but it's not that helpful. you're better off just donating money, if what you really care about is helping others.

 

if you wanna go on a trip to have FUN and feel good about it, well, i guess that's the best way. this kind of trip is intended for college students, the ones who want to kid themselves about the good they do. i know that sounds awful, but it's true. you're really not helping much.

 

i think your intention is noble though. and that if you really mean it, you should look into better ways in which you can help others.

[replytome]

Why not spend your vacation volunteering locally? Everyone wants to help children in India or Africa, but there are people starving right outside your door. People volunteer at soup kitchens on Christmas, but who is there for Easter? Also, if your billionaire friend helped you raise money to add more beds to a children's crisis center in your county, prevent a church who ran a ministry sheltering the homeless from having to shut its doors, fund a nutritionist to teach a group of people how to cook healthy cheap meals, etc, you would be impacting your community and making it a better place. Getting people off welfare, helping them feed their own families creates more grateful people who are out in the world ready to lend an extra hand. There are some pretty blighted areas in some cities. They could really use your help.

 

that's a very good point. Hopefully its also the case that people who receive kindness also want to "forward" it. I like your logic though! Maybe the point of this thread should be "Ways to help".

[replytome]

well, my friends did trips to africa to help build a school or whatever and it's basically like what the previous poster said, it's actually not really helping anyone. i mean, it's a cute idea and all, but it's not that helpful. you're better off just donating money, if what you really care about is helping others.

 

if you wanna go on a trip to have FUN and feel good about it, well, i guess that's the best way. this kind of trip is intended for college students, the ones who want to kid themselves about the good they do. i know that sounds awful, but it's true. you're really not helping much.

 

i think your intention is noble though. and that if you really mean it, you should look into better ways in which you can help others.

 

Yeah, I agree. I honestly had no idea that it was actually not helping... I always thought that donating didnt help. I will definitely think of better ways. Maybe sponsor a child, and donate and then just help out locally...