Phoenixfire Posted February 8, 2012 Share Posted February 8, 2012 Most of my previous threads have been about my terrible breakup, but i'm doing a lot better now. I've actually had my eye on a new girl, but i don't know where to go from where i am... Here's my situation: She just got out of a rough relationship like mine, where her partner mistreated and abused her. She was dumped via text, but the guy still wants to be friends... i can tell she still has some feelings for him, but i'm worried and a bit confused. When her ex is not around, she's a heartfelt wonderful beautiful person. When she talks about him, she says she's over him and she doesn't want to be with him anymore... yet every time her ex is around, she never complains, she never refuses or objects to anything he says... she is completely controlled. I'm so worried for her and i want her to know that not all relationships are like this. So we started hanging out outside of school, and we figured out we had a lot in common... after a while i got up my courage and asked her out. She told me she wasn't sure, that she was still recovering, but she would think about it. I don't know what to do know... it's weird though, because even though she says she's not sure, after i asked her she's flirted with me via text (like telling me what she wears to bed), we've made out a few times, and i've taken her to see a movie... i'm so confused... I sent her a romantic poem i wrote in the spirit of Valentines day... it was basically about how i feel and what i really think of her. I told her how i would be faithful and kind and fair... i'm not really sure if that helped my situation so my main questions are these: 1. Is she really into me? She seems to like me and the flirting and other things tell me she is... 2. How can i help her move on from her ex? Can i help her? 3. Was the poem a good idea? 4. Any tips/advice to win her heart? (If you think it's a good idea to try) Feel free to make any other comments... i'm open to constructive criticism. This means a lot to me.. Than you Link to comment
tjcalif Posted February 8, 2012 Share Posted February 8, 2012 The one thing you shoul'nt do is to push and go slow.. If you don't she will pull away. It takes time as you know all to well so just keep doing what you are doing and let it happen! I thought your post says alot about your character as a man and if she is smart she wont let you get away. Link to comment
digdug Posted February 8, 2012 Share Posted February 8, 2012 ^^^^^ Go slow, and do not push. I think the poem was a bit much. You can't help her, much like no one could help you while you were going through a break up. A realtionship like the one she was in takes a very long time to get passed. My ex gf was in a marriage like that, and it took her 4-5 years, and many boyfriends to find herself afterwords. She thinks she is ok now, but even I can still see things that hold her back now. I've been primarily at fault in our break-up, but some of the baggage she still carries hasn't helped. She needs a friend right now, and it sounds like she's told you in the nicest possible way. I think you need to respect that, if you respect her. You can't win someone's heart, much like you can't "find" love. It happens, and it catches us off guard ... that is why it's so wonderful. You can help her move on from her ex by giving her friendly love and support. Listen, and give her guidance when she ASKS for it, not when you feel like it. She has a long way to go. If you truly like her and have her best interests in mind you'll be her friend first, you won't push, you'll be there when she needs you, you'll listen, love, and support her. That doesn't make you her boyfriend, that makes you a good friend. If you push her, I guarantee she won't want you in her life at all. Friends are forever, and that is what she needs right now. Be that for her, and in the future if it was meant to be it will happen. Good luck to you, ~dig Link to comment
Phoenixfire Posted February 8, 2012 Author Share Posted February 8, 2012 So after sending her the poem i wrote, i quickly followed up with an apology, saying i was emotional and that the poem had how i felt about her in it... Next day she won't answer any of my texts and i was very worried about her (she can drive and she said she was goin to school, i was scared something had happened.) finally about halfway through the day she texts me back and says she's at home and she decided not to go to school necause she was feeling a bit depressed. I let it go and said if she wanted to talk i was here for her... I spent the whole day worrying about her and i feel a bit better that she's physically okay, but... I'm scared that i screwed up with the whole poem thing, and i don't know what to do now... PLEASE HELP ME!!! ANY ADVICE WOULD BE GREATLY APPRECIATED!!! Link to comment
digdug Posted February 8, 2012 Share Posted February 8, 2012 You can't take it back, don't worry about it. It's done. Period. I sent the most scathing email to my ex to terminate our relationship on "my terms" it was the worst thing I'd ever written to anyone. I've apologized to her a couple of times, and told her that I can't take it back. It's up to her now if she can forgive. For me, I can't worry about it. I need to move on. The same goes for you. Move on, stop obsessing. Honestly, I don't even think you should have texted her apologizing for the email. It show weakness. You meant what you wrote, don't make excuses for it. There was nothing to screw up. Your poem was an attempt to win her heart. It may have worked, it may not have. You have NO CONTROL and NO SAY in that. Now, it's time to sit back, let her think about it, and trust that she can drive to school without dying in a fiery crash. Leave her alone dude. I'm telling you, anything more than what you've already done will push her away. If you really want this, man up, move on, and work on something else. Give it time. ~dig Link to comment
Phoenixfire Posted February 9, 2012 Author Share Posted February 9, 2012 The problem is that i am naturally a very heartfelt and caring person, so when any of my friends don't come to school i check if they're okay... it's just that for some reason i felt extra worried about her. As cliche as it sounds, i think i'm really falling for her... which may or may not be a good thing based on if she likes me back. Thank you for all the feedback and advice, i really appreciate it. Wish me luck... Link to comment
Phoenixfire Posted February 9, 2012 Author Share Posted February 9, 2012 The problem is that i am naturally a very heartfelt and caring person, so when any of my friends don't come to school i check if they're okay... it's just that for some reason i felt extra worried about her. As cliche as it sounds, i think i'm really falling for her... which may or may not be a good thing based on if she likes me back. Thank you for all the feedback and advice, i really appreciate it. Wish me luck... Link to comment
digdug Posted February 9, 2012 Share Posted February 9, 2012 The problem is that i am naturally a very heartfelt and caring person, so when any of my friends don't come to school i check if they're okay... it's just that for some reason i felt extra worried about her. As cliche as it sounds, i think i'm really falling for her... which may or may not be a good thing based on if she likes me back. Thank you for all the feedback and advice, i really appreciate it. Wish me luck... Good luck buddy. ~dig Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.