Nadia62 Posted February 8, 2012 Share Posted February 8, 2012 I'm so mad at the moment due to the immense sense of betrayal I feel. My partner of 5 years (we've lived together for the last 3 years), left on a biz trip and I hacked into his yahoo account because something made me feel uneasy. I found an email from Adult Friend Finder, with his username. I logged in using his username, and played around with some passwords....and there I was in his Gold membership account. His profile says he's "just looking to see" and looking for Women, Man and Woman, or 2 Women for erotic chat and email. I am devastated. My life doesn't feel worth living, all my dreams are gone now. He knows I left my marriage because my ex cheated on me, he actually did. I moved to England (where he was from), and within a year he was cheating. This guy of 5 years seemed stable (was previously married for 15 years, plus 3 kids), and we get along great. I truly love him. But now this. Upon checking out his profile a bit further, I find 74 HOTLISTED in his account. Some were looking for erotic chats, yes, but most were looking for 1-1 sex. I have no way of knowing if he's actually hooked up with anyone. He has sent ZERO emails or flirts to anyone. But his Hotlist is loooooong! I'm thinking of moving out. He's currently away, and I've made screen grabs of each web page of his profile, including his billing information (which clearly shows his name, and the 4 renewals he's had on there). Then, as soon as I find a place (I live in NYC, so its gonna take me a while to get a place), I will move out. And I will mail the screengrabs to everyone he knows....including his immediate family. So, my soul mate is gone. I never thought ever he would do this to me. Question: I'm afraid of being alone, but I'm more afraid of infidelity. Should I stay or go? And do you have any other ideas of confronting him or anything. I'm desperate here and beside myself. The hurting is killing me every minute. Thanks guys. Link to comment
replytome Posted February 8, 2012 Share Posted February 8, 2012 If he hasn't sent anything, he might just be using it as an alternative source of ''porn''. Is his profile detailed? Link to comment
chillout Posted February 8, 2012 Share Posted February 8, 2012 Confront him. Then go. Nadia, you'll find someone else for sure. I'm here if you need me. Link to comment
QSP Posted February 8, 2012 Share Posted February 8, 2012 Wow I am sorry this happened to you. But I think you invaded his privacy. Good thing you did because you now know the truth. I wouldn't send the screengrabs to everyone because that is wrong I would just keep it with him if I were you. Link to comment
Nadia62 Posted February 8, 2012 Author Share Posted February 8, 2012 Not really. But he's hotlisted women who only for 1-1 sex. He travels a lot, and there was one who is willing to meet at hotels near Manchester UK airport (where he goes often), so there! Link to comment
DylanNotorious Posted February 8, 2012 Share Posted February 8, 2012 And I will mail the screengrabs to everyone he knows....including his immediate family. Don't do that. His immediate family don't need to see that crap. All you got to say is that "he cheated on me". Link to comment
Seraphim Posted February 8, 2012 Share Posted February 8, 2012 I would not send the screen grabs that is just evil and WRONG, plus he can also sue you for defamation of character. Link to comment
Nadia62 Posted February 8, 2012 Author Share Posted February 8, 2012 I don't know if he's actually hooked up with any of them, but the intent is definitely there. No trust left. Link to comment
DN Posted February 8, 2012 Share Posted February 8, 2012 He is clearly cheating or trying to. I would leave but I would not send the screenshots to his family. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted February 8, 2012 Share Posted February 8, 2012 Just walk away with your head held high with dignity. Sending stuff to people just reduces you to his level and people will just think you are a nasty and spiteful.......... and you will look worse than him. Link to comment
chillout Posted February 8, 2012 Share Posted February 8, 2012 Don't send the screenshots. But in my opinion, attempting to cheat is just as bad as doing the act itself. Confront him - see what he says. Then leave. Link to comment
Angel Irulan Posted February 8, 2012 Share Posted February 8, 2012 I have an adult friend finder account, of the unpaid variety. With that you can use the chat rooms, the magazines and the blog areas. I'd really only get bent out of shape IF he was meeting up with girls or doing chat sex with them. Most of the chat is easy going and laid back. There are some rooms dedicated to the site. I know it's hard to accept this. You have to decide what exactly he's using it for, and if you want to break up over it I hear your ghost, and it could be causing you to jump to the absolute worst conclusion. Did he have the account before you met up and are some of these people his email friends? Angel Link to comment
Gracelove Posted February 8, 2012 Share Posted February 8, 2012 Hey There Nadia62! I'm so sorry that you have to deal with this. I don't know what a screengrab is, but if it's something embarrassing I don't think you should send it to the people he knows. You just don't want things to get super ugly too quickly. You don't really know who he is, he has been keeping so many secrets from you. Your safety should be your number one priority. This is a tough situation, I think it's a good idea for you to move out. You'll need your own space so that you can recover from this nightmare. I honestly don't think that cheating is a deal breaker alone. I think men tend to cheat, however this takes it to another level. He's trolling the internet for sexual encounters with teams of people. I just find it to be pretty disgusting. What if he's slept with a ton of people? You don't want any STDs. The worst part is not really knowing who he is. You've known someone for 5 years without really knowing them at all. I think you have a right to be devastated. You should just get away. You need time to yourself. There's not really much else you can do at this point. Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted February 8, 2012 Share Posted February 8, 2012 Can you find out when his account was opened? If it's recent, and/or since you've been together, I would have to agree with the other posters. Link to comment
eternalsunrise Posted February 8, 2012 Share Posted February 8, 2012 Don't send the screenshots. Arrange to get out and just leave him as soon as possible. You said you were suspicious of him which is why you hacked into his account...were there signs that he was cheating? It's still possible he has cheated via another avenue and not thru FF. It's very likely he's cheated ...so don't think he hasn't just b/c you don't see that he's contacted anyone thru that particular site. If he's gone as far as put up that nasty FF profile w/74 hotlisted, there's probably more you don't know about elsewhere. You should get tested for STDs as soon as possible. Link to comment
Nadia62 Posted February 8, 2012 Author Share Posted February 8, 2012 He opened it 1.5 years ago. We've been living together for 3 years! Link to comment
Hollyj Posted February 8, 2012 Share Posted February 8, 2012 I would not send the screen grabs that is just evil and WRONG, plus he can also sue you for defamation of character. Don't believe that "Defamation of Character" applies if it's true. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted February 8, 2012 Share Posted February 8, 2012 I truly hope that you do not believe that all men cheat. As I think it's a gross generalization, and also places you in the position of accepting losers - Your expectations are very low. I do not believe this statement, and if I ever found out that my partner cheated, I would leave Link to comment
eternalsunrise Posted February 8, 2012 Share Posted February 8, 2012 Nadia, You do realize that sending out screenshots to everyone is sending out proof that you hacked his account, right? People don't get into 'legal trouble' for cheating (unfortunately!) But they can get into legal trouble for hacking an account. It would be unwise of you to send everyone that proof x2. Link to comment
Maeva Posted February 8, 2012 Share Posted February 8, 2012 Dont send screenshots, it will make you the bad one instantly. Nothing he did to you would make it right to send those shots, Im sorry. It could easily get you in legal hot water, true or not, because it would be proof of hacking. There is a chance hes just using it to get his rocks off without straying, but yeah leaving and saying he cheated on me and getting tested sounds good. Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.