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Desperate to know the truth.


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I'm so mad at the moment due to the immense sense of betrayal I feel. My partner of 5 years (we've lived together for the last 3 years), left on a biz trip and I hacked into his yahoo account because something made me feel uneasy. I found an email from Adult Friend Finder, with his username. I logged in using his username, and played around with some passwords....and there I was in his Gold membership account. His profile says he's "just looking to see" and looking for Women, Man and Woman, or 2 Women for erotic chat and email. I am devastated. My life doesn't feel worth living, all my dreams are gone now. He knows I left my marriage because my ex cheated on me, he actually did. I moved to England (where he was from), and within a year he was cheating. This guy of 5 years seemed stable (was previously married for 15 years, plus 3 kids), and we get along great. I truly love him. But now this.


Upon checking out his profile a bit further, I find 74 HOTLISTED in his account. Some were looking for erotic chats, yes, but most were looking for 1-1 sex. I have no way of knowing if he's actually hooked up with anyone. He has sent ZERO emails or flirts to anyone. But his Hotlist is loooooong!


I'm thinking of moving out. He's currently away, and I've made screen grabs of each web page of his profile, including his billing information (which clearly shows his name, and the 4 renewals he's had on there). Then, as soon as I find a place (I live in NYC, so its gonna take me a while to get a place), I will move out. And I will mail the screengrabs to everyone he knows....including his immediate family.


So, my soul mate is gone. I never thought ever he would do this to me. Question: I'm afraid of being alone, but I'm more afraid of infidelity. Should I stay or go? And do you have any other ideas of confronting him or anything. I'm desperate here and beside myself. The hurting is killing me every minute. Thanks guys.

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Wow I am sorry this happened to you. But I think you invaded his privacy. Good thing you did because you now know the truth. I wouldn't send the screengrabs to everyone because that is wrong I would just keep it with him if I were you.

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I have an adult friend finder account, of the unpaid variety. With that you can use the chat rooms, the magazines and the blog areas. I'd really only get bent out of shape IF he was meeting up with girls or doing chat sex with them. Most of the chat is easy going and laid back. There are some rooms dedicated to the site.


I know it's hard to accept this. You have to decide what exactly he's using it for, and if you want to break up over it I hear your ghost, and it could be causing you to jump to the absolute worst conclusion. Did he have the account before you met up and are some of these people his email friends?



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Hey There Nadia62!


I'm so sorry that you have to deal with this. I don't know what a screengrab is, but if it's something embarrassing I don't think you should send it to the people he knows. You just don't want things to get super ugly too quickly. You don't really know who he is, he has been keeping so many secrets from you. Your safety should be your number one priority.


This is a tough situation, I think it's a good idea for you to move out. You'll need your own space so that you can recover from this nightmare.


I honestly don't think that cheating is a deal breaker alone. I think men tend to cheat, however this takes it to another level. He's trolling the internet for sexual encounters with teams of people. I just find it to be pretty disgusting. What if he's slept with a ton of people? You don't want any STDs.


The worst part is not really knowing who he is. You've known someone for 5 years without really knowing them at all. I think you have a right to be devastated.


You should just get away. You need time to yourself. There's not really much else you can do at this point.

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Don't send the screenshots. Arrange to get out and just leave him as soon as possible.

You said you were suspicious of him which is why you hacked into his account...were there signs that he was cheating? It's still possible he has cheated via another avenue and not thru FF. It's very likely he's cheated ...so don't think he hasn't just b/c you don't see that he's contacted anyone thru that particular site. If he's gone as far as put up that nasty FF profile w/74 hotlisted, there's probably more you don't know about elsewhere. You should get tested for STDs as soon as possible.

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I truly hope that you do not believe that all men cheat. As I think it's a gross generalization, and also places you in the position of accepting losers - Your expectations are very low. I do not believe this statement, and if I ever found out that my partner cheated, I would leave

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Dont send screenshots, it will make you the bad one instantly.

Nothing he did to you would make it right to send those shots, Im sorry.

It could easily get you in legal hot water, true or not, because it would be proof of hacking.

There is a chance hes just using it to get his rocks off without straying, but yeah leaving and saying he cheated on me and getting tested sounds good.

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