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How to act like you don't care?


DanUK

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My ex girlfriend broke up with me 3weeks. I want to act like I don't care about her at all. Its so hard tho. She told me we can still be friends but I always ask about us and how we're feeling and its driving her away. Now I'm finding it so hard that its so easy for her not to even text me or call me. I asked her how shes stronger then me at doing so and she said because she thinks its for the best. I know its for the best not to stay in contact with her but I'm weak when it comes to her. I always think about her and at times I'm strong but I always fall down and end up texting her, she does reply but I smoother her at times and she get angry. I really don't know how to find the strength inside myself to just stop messaging her. I've asked for my key back, and to collect her stuff (presants cards clothes etc) Because I don't want to be reminded of her consantly, but I don't think she wants to come collect them. On facebook she still has "I love daniel" In her infomation thing, and I do hers. I want to delete it but I honestly can't find myself to do it. But I know its off to hurt when she changes hers. I'm just finding it hard to stop being this smoothing ex that just wants us to go to how we used to be, we've been together for 3 years on and off, and had a break up where she says that she never wants to speak or see me ever again and then 2 months later we got back together, and the other times we get back together its because we've been talking alot and then she relises that she does love me. We got to the point where we started to save to move in together, and it annoys me that we never got the chance too. She said shes not agaisnt us getting back together, but she just wants to have time for herself and for me to sort my life out. Deep down I know that if I want her back I should act like I don't care but I always find myself looking at her pictures and end up messaging her and we start chatting for abit. I want to delete her off facebook, and not talking to her at all but don't have the strength to do it or I feel it will give the wrong impression.

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I know it hurts where you're coming from here but it's plainly obvious you're the one holding onto this relationship, not her. She wants out, she may throw you some breadcrumbs to keep you nipping at her heels...but otherwise she's gone. If you want to follow her around for awhile she may turn around and give a pat on the head. Is that really all you want? Of course not.

 

Instead turn around and walk another path, stop begging this girl for love and go find it from someone who's willing to give it to you. Living the way you are isn't healthy and it's going to end up killing you over time.

 

This is what I would do in your situation:

 

1) Tell her it's time to move on and that communication either through facebook or otherwise cannot continue. Block or delete her.

2) Get your crap from her, give her whatever possessions of her's you have back. ASAP.

3) Start NC and take your dependency off of her and back on yourself. Start doing things that do not require a "girlfriend" that you love doing.

4) Do not look back.

 

There is no wrong impression here. There is only what is best for DanUK. The impression she's giving you is that she has no interest in a relationship with you right now. So, don't pine on her and go find someone who does want a relationship after you get over her with plenty of NC and some selfishness.

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Delete her from facebook? Really? If he wants to act like he doesn't care, deleting her would make it seem the complete opposite.

 

My advice to you bro is, keep her on facebook , delete the thing about loving her on your info page and start chatting to some other girls. When she see's other girls are talking and potentially have taken interest in you, she'll remember her time with you.

The exact thing happened with my current girlfriend. We broke up but I pretended i didn't care at all. That means NO starting conversations, if she doesn't talk - it's fine. Eventually we got back together.

 

You're not guaranteed to get back together. Honestly if she doesn't care , you are better of investing your efforts in a woman that does.

Keep her on facebook. Just play real hard to get.

 

Good luck brother.

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Delete her from facebook? Really? If he wants to act like he doesn't care, deleting her would make it seem the complete opposite.

 

My advice to you bro is, keep her on facebook , delete the thing about loving her on your info page and start chatting to some other girls. When she see's other girls are talking and potentially have taken interest in you, she'll remember her time with you.

The exact thing happened with my current girlfriend. We broke up but I pretended i didn't care at all. That means NO starting conversations, if she doesn't talk - it's fine. Eventually we got back together.

 

You're not guaranteed to get back together. Honestly if she doesn't care , you are better of investing your efforts in a woman that does.

Keep her on facebook. Just play real hard to get.

 

Good luck brother.

 

It isn't a game. Either he gets her out of his life and moves on or has a healthy relationship with her. Playing hard to get or any other game you may think of is just going to continue to test his emotions and bring him down lower and lower. Wholeheartedly disagree with you and I highly recommend not playing any games with her. Only person that will end up getting burned is the OP.

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It isn't a game. Either he gets her out of his life and moves on or has a healthy relationship with her. Playing hard to get or any other game you may think of is just going to continue to test his emotions and bring him down lower and lower. Wholeheartedly disagree with you and I highly recommend not playing any games with her. Only person that will end up getting burned is the OP.

 

It's why I said if she doesn't care, he's better off with someone else.

I see where you're coming from though.

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If your sick of the on/off thing you got going on with her, then turn it permanently off. She knows you will always take her back no matter what. And as for not caring? Nope never going to happen. You can't do it. And she knows this. She gets to pull all the strings each and everytime, and you got to start asking yourself - when is it my turn to let this go? Because she really is in that mind-set of moving on. She has moved on.

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its like, this girl ive known for 2years we've had ups and downs and broken up for a few times a week here a few days there. only one serious break up. and we got together again by just talking on msn for hours and then getting back together. if im honest she hasn't done anything wrong. i can kinda understand why she wants to break up with me tho. shes never said shes dead agaisnt us breaking up. but wants a adult not a kid for her boyfriend. i believe shes not the typical girl to lead me on.

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It isn't a game. Either he gets her out of his life and moves on or has a healthy relationship with her. Playing hard to get or any other game you may think of is just going to continue to test his emotions and bring him down lower and lower. Wholeheartedly disagree with you and I highly recommend not playing any games with her. Only person that will end up getting burned is the OP.

 

Could not agree more with this post. Facebook doesn't mean anything, and the things said on Facebook should never be taken to heart. What people say publicly to the world is completely different than what someone privately says to you. Delete her from Facebook, it will only be detrimental to your own healing process. Blocking is even better, as it will remove that temptation to check her page just to get that 'one last fix'.

 

You have to actually not care - you can't just act like it if you still do care, that won't work.

 

This too. The only way to not care is to truly not care. It is not something automatic, and you can't simply go from caring to not caring.

It will take time, but eventually, you will not care.

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Meh she takes FB seriously! We argued, then I changed my status to single and she said we'll this is how I find out you've dumped me. And she is having a rough time at the moment, her parents always argue and her dad had a mini stroke, feel like shes down int he dumps and it will all make her worse.

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Meh she takes FB seriously! We argued, then I changed my status to single and she said we'll this is how I find out you've dumped me. And she is having a rough time at the moment, her parents always argue and her dad had a mini stroke, feel like shes down int he dumps and it will all make her worse.

 

No one should take Facebook seriously. It is simply a means of easily connecting with those you know, and sharing things (eg. plans / events or photos). It should not be used as a primary means of communication. Anyone who believes that social networking is a legitimate means of communication has been mislead.

This misconception interferes with the way people communicate. At my age (university years), I rarely see people (even those in relationships) call each other. They always text or instant message. Such a shame. I always loved calling my ex when I was still with her. It's more simple, more personal.

The way I see it, there's a sort of 'ranking' of communication quality in methods of connecting (in order from best to worst):

In person > Phone call > Email (more personal than a text, I find) > Text message / instant messaging >>> Facebook and social networking sites.

 

But that's just my opinion.

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