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My wife said she dosent love me any more, then started seeing another man.


gungaden

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Just before Christmas me and my wife (married 5 years together 13) came to blows over our relationship and it ended with me having to move out. This was not my choice but due to having two small children and my work commitments we agreed that would be best. She said that she didnt love me anymore and needed some space.

 

We tried going out together but felt shut out and always ended up shouting. A little while later i found out that she had been seeing someone else that had snogged her and was giving her the attention that i apparently did not. This had been going on since before we split and she had been going and spending time with him at the weekends as i was only able to see the kids at the weekend. I was trying to get her to spend some time with me and we had a couple of good days but after each she would distance herself from me. It ended up with me having the kids one sat night at my parents. The kids were unwell and i had a bad night. She rang me in the morning and i shouted at her that i hated her. She asked me to come home (even though she doesnt want me to). I did this and she admitted to me that she has strong feelings for this man (or boy she is 31 he is 24).

 

I think i can get over the fact that she was seeing someone else but she told me today that she is thinking about him alot but does want to try and make our marriage work. How can i win her love back i really need some help as i dont want to go through life with someone like that. I want to do all i can to win her heart back but dont know how.i just want her to let me back in but she wont and feel she is pushing me away. Im just trying to give her the attention that she said i never gave her but its hard eveytime i get knocked back.

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How can i win her love back i really need some help as i dont want to go through life with someone like that. I want to do all i can to win her heart back but dont know how.i just want her to let me back in but she wont and feel she is pushing me away.

 

I think you need to reverse that statement with, "she needs to win my heart back." I'm sorry that you're in this situation, but unless she makes an honest effort with making this marriage work, your hands are tied.

 

And, I'm not convinced that you "can get over the fact that she was seeing someone else," since your main goal is getting her back at this time.

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Hey There Gungaden!

 

I'm sorry you're going through so much. It's difficult to win someone back when they aren't interested. One person can not make a relationship work alone. It's hard to deal with rejection from someone you've spent so much time with and have invested so much time in.

 

I think that you should move on. She's with another man right now, and I don't think you should waste any more of your time. I'm sure this is extremely painful, especially for your children. However, I don't think there is anything more you can do.

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Trouble is i really love her and she doesn't work just want to win her heart back she means alot to me.

 

Cool - so she's gonna have to get a job like the rest of us too. I think the only shot you have at her every being attracted to you, and it's very slim, is by being the opposite of what you are now. Don't fawn over her or ask for her back or act like it's ok that she cheated on you. Be strong and value yourself. Be a hardass with her so she knows you're not some pushover who pays her bills - I can't imagine that being attractive even remotely.

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She says there has been no sexual relations but i think she is having a mid life crisis and has been depressed. She goes out and acts like she is 18 again to forget about life (ie Dept and the kids). I have not helped as i was suffering from stress but found my asnwers with drink and weed. She asked me time and time again to stop but as our relationship disolved i got worse. Whish i could turn back time but cant. It is not all her fault.

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I think i can get over the fact that she was seeing someone else but she told me today that she is thinking about him alot but does want to try and make our marriage work. How can i win her love back i really need some help as i dont want to go through life with someone like that. I want to do all i can to win her heart back but dont know how.i just want her to let me back in but she wont and feel she is pushing me away. Im just trying to give her the attention that she said i never gave her but its hard eveytime i get knocked back.

Ignore her words and focus on her actions. She is actively choosing to persue another relationship while keeping you on the backburner with dishonesty about "wanting to make the marriage work". What exactly is SHE doing to try make the marriage work? Continue to cheat on the marriage? Push away your attempts to connect with her?

 

Take the advice of the other posters in this thread. If you have any chance of attracting her back, it is by being strong for yourself and kicking her out of your life. If she really wants to make the marriage work, she'll start putting in her necessary 50% of effort.

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we are both 31 got my probs sorted. She has told the other bloke that i have moved back in with her and that she wants to make the marriage work. Just want her to let to let me back in to her heart. Someone told me today that she will not love me till she is over the other fella. So am going to put all my effort in as i really do love her and fight.

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