My break-up story, and success story. + Myths about "NC" revealed.

[marona]

Hey guys.

I'm not very known here, I'm actually pretty sad I didn't sign up here a year ago, so I could have shared my story and got your opinions on it, instead I signed up at another forum, which also was very helpful but it was mostly only girls. I hope my story will inspire you in one way or the other...

 

I'm 17 years old, my ex is 19 and he broke up with me back in april 2011. We were together for 18 monthes/1,5 year. My story is very different to most break-up stories, as you can see we have been broken up for 8 monthes. Everything was kinda hectic back then, I'll try to make the story short. First off, in the relationship we were both very inexperienced, and are both very young as you can see. He always treated me like a princess, was very communicative, responsible and very very mature. All in all, he was an amazing boyfriend and I spent some of my best days together with him. I however, was a very insecure girl with a past that made me insecure in myself, and therefore had trouble communicating my true feelings to him even within the relationship. While time was going by, our relationship became one argument after another, it was getting to be more stress- and painful than joy. So after a lot of warning signs I blatantly ignored, he finally told me that it was it, and he couldn't take it anymore. He asked me to leave as soon as possible because he was afraid to regret his decision, and we both cried our eyes out. Very hard time back then...

 

The first days post-breakup was a nightmare. First I would beg him to take me back for an hour in a phone call, and I remember how he told me that he could never be my friend, because he loved me way too much, and he asked me to not contact him again, because it was too much for him. As the last thing before we hang up I told him to ignore me if my feelings gave in and called him. He just answered me that he would never ignore more, he cared too much about me to ever do that. Well, yeah it was a break-up so of course it has to sound like an american romantic cliché movie I am aware of that.

 

I soon got to know about the NC rule, how I was supposed to get myself back if I ever wanted my amazing boyfriend back. I read how they usually ALWAYS come back, how they just had to experience other females, had some GiGs and rebounds and voila, they'll be back home. All the ebooks told to work on yourself to become a happy individual and after 1 month invite them on coffee or lunch... Blah. My ex didn't suffer from gigs, and he didn't find a rebound girl. Now he is not completely innocent either, he ended up flirting with this certain girl I knew right after we broke up, and it was HORRIBLE to watch those FB statuses. TRUST ME FACEBOOK IS THE DEVIL AFTER A BREAK-UP!!! DEACTIVATE FOR AT LEAST 3 WEEKS, YOU WONT REGRET IT! How could he do this to me!! I would think.

 

Month passed by, and I was getting on with myself, started making new friends, attending to parties, doing things I normally wouldn't do, and 3 monthes after the break-up finally the day came!! My ex BROKE NC!! I was so happy, and had waited for this moment. I was thinking of texting him in the manners of "I know it's weird to write to you..." or maybe "I know I'm probably not the person you wish to hear from..." or something along those lines, but he was ahead of me. He wrote with the first line I was thinking, and I was all like "Damn we've been together too long!" it was of course about exchanging our stuff. He was asking me if I wanted those CD's and DVD's back and such, and we made an agreement to meet up at the trainstation in town.

 

We had to do this exchange, because he would soon move 2 hours away to study in university, and I was very happy and upbeat at the meeting. When he arrived I was shocked. He had grown this beard, and his hair grew so much, and the first thing he said was "Yeah I know I'm ugly..." and all I could think was "No, you're perfect..." but ofc. I didn't say that. So I tried to steer the conversation to be happy and upbeat, and when I asked how he had been all he said was "It can clearly be discussed..." and he suddenly left saying "Well, this is too awkward so I'll leave" and boy I haven't seen a guy walk off so quickly! I also noticed that he wiped away tears while walking... I was very divided. Somehow I wanted to run after him, and a part of me told me to leave it and go home, and he would write again if anything happened...

I chose the latter.

 

So another month went by, and he had moved away. I started new life in college, and met a lot of awesome people. Including this new guy that I started a relationship with! Yup, my ex is now the ex-ex, lol. I was with this guy for only about 4 monthes, and I would compare everything to my ex. The new guy was kind and such, but had a lot of trouble, his parents was going through divorce, he had ongoing health issues, and well.. His life wasn't easy. But despite the time we had was troublesome, I really liked to be his girlfriend during that time. Unfortunately I would sometimes call him by my ex' name, not intentionally...

Kinda awkward.

 

So a month after this relationship ended, which leads to January, I initiated contact with the ex again. It was amazing to finally be able to talk to him again! I started out asking him if he could help with something that I knew that he knew about, and from there it just got better. He would help me with my homework (Yeah as my ex, he would even do indepth google searches for me that I could do myself, unlike the recent ex that would rather play games than help me while we were in a relationship!) we talked, and even though I was the only one to initiate the conversation, it was so easy to see that he enjoyed them as much as me. We did have our serious discussions about the past as well, and sometimes he would tell me some stuff was still too much to talk about. Mostly, we would always end up talking about stuff that we both like, and good memories of our past as well. I remember he told me that the reason he left me at the train station was because he was so ashamed of what he did to me with that girl, and that it also was the main reason he didn't want me back - because he was ashamed of himself. I of course respected him at these points when he didn't want to talk about it anymore, but the conversations often became less and less from his side. He suddenly became distant, and was giving me VERY mixed signals as of continuing the conversations or not.

 

In the end, the conversation ended with him telling me he could not bear to meet me as "just a friend" it would be too weird for him. I asked him if he could specify it a bit more, and he told me he couldn't. Earlier when I asked him if he was sure he would continue to talk with me he would always be like "Yeah, we're at it right now, we might as well just continue" but when I asked him this time he was very confused. At first he said he "just didn't know what to say" and after telling him I just wanted to open up communication, he said "I don't know, because I don't know what you want" - it almost felt like he tried to pressure me to say "I WANT RECONCILLATION BABY" but of course, I tried to steer it far far away from that. After asking him if he still wanted to talk with me, he told me he was very tired and wanted at least a day to think about it... So I gave him that. I asked him again the upcoming night, and he told me, that he know it sucks but it was best for us not to talk. And I answered by saying "No it's okay, I understand. Just know... I care for you, and wish you the best. And he said "You too. and that was it.

 

Somehow that was what I feared, but also what I hoped for. I got a better ending than the last time, and it's at least left on friendly terms. Anf for once, he didn't give me mixed signals. As you can see from my story, my ex was NOT over me, after 8 monthes of no contact. So all those e-books telling you to do "one month and give it a try" well, I wouldn't recommend it. Maybe if I waited 6 more monthes, the outcome would of been different. With that being said I do not regret contacting him, and I'm okay with the way it turned out. It doesn't have to be the end for good, but it is the end for now. And I'm going to continue living my life, as he is going to live his, and hopefully one day he will be over me, and maybe would want to contact me to start a clean slate, if we have not grown too much apart.

 

I didn't know if I should post this in coping or getting back together, but I think the people I want to read this mostly hang out in here. So if you truly want your ex back, and he/she also needs to be over the break-up. And that can take more than 3 monthes... I hope this inspires you to stick with NC, cause even though I didn't get my ex back this time around, I have something more valuable... Me, Myself & I

[toby17]

You could probably be back with your ex if your story wasn't littered with the things you thought but didn't say.

 

One of the problems in your relationship was communication and you'd still prefer to let this good guy get away than to tell him how you feel. Crazy! What exactly are you afraid of?

[marona]

You know Toby, the fact he isn't over me tells me he still lingers to the past relationship... And if I proceeded and he actually WOULD take me back, some of the problems would still be there. Part of NC is to not only learn from the past mistakes, but to move on, which is initial to start off a new relationship. He NEEDS to move on, to be able to start over from a clean slate, I do NOT wish to rush back into a relationship that is already doomed to be broken, I don't want a future relationship to be "planned" beforehead, I want to build it up with him.