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Ex-Girlfriend cheated on me after 6 years of being with me


Ihatelove2008

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Ok guys, new here I'm 22 years old and am in MADLY in love with my exgf who I recently found out cheated on me. We started dating in highschool and were madly in love. We basically spent every single moment together for 6 years. She emotional cheated on me 2 years back and ever since then we had ups and downs. (mostly because of my insecurities) but we were still in love. I admit i was controlling sometimes, but I still let her see her friends and stuff. About 3 weeks ago i went through her phone and found sexting with her BOSS of all people, I confronted her about it and she admitted to having oral sex with him but she said it was only once! I was heartbroken. She balled her eyes out for a couple days, telling me what a mistake she made and how much she regrets it and how I was the best thing to ever happen to her. What is messed up is all throughout her affair with this guy she was so lovey, she always initiated holding hands kissing me telling me how much she is glad we are together! She even was straight out nice to my family too! I had no idea she was doing this behind my back but I forgive her I still love her! I made myself look like a fool after, basically begging her to come back to me (I dumped her right after i found out). She tells me now her life is in shambles, she is lost, that wasn't her at all and all this nonsense. She says she still loves me and wishes we could be together again but she can't right now? She wants to "figure herself out". I tried doing NC but relasped and saw her and talked to her after 3 days. Then I Just started it back up again yesterday, but again I called her today to bs. Another thing that is messing me up is I see her Facebook. She is acting like nothing happened at all. She is acting all happy and stuff. Why am I so dang distraught over this and she doesn't care? If I go NC will she contact me asking for me back? I loved her and I treated her so good when we were together! I know everyone is saying leave her, and I'm trying I just wanna know why she doesn't care like I do after 6 years.

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I agree with Staple. Cut her loose and start living your life and focusing on your future - a future without her in it. She has proven to you more than once that she lacks integrity. After finding out that she was boffing her boss, why would you even want to still be with her? She says she want's to "figure herself out". Hey, that's great! Is she "figuring herself out" while she has her boss's member in her mouth? I don't think so. Just cut ties with her and keep your distance. Only time will tell if she straightens out or not. The worst thing you can do is try to stay involved with her while she goes through this process. And the fact remained that she cheated and lied - that alone should make you want to run as fast as you can in the other direction.

 

Get your insecurities under control too. I mention this because you indicated that you have been "controlling" at times in the relationship. Seriously address any issues in this area while you are healing. If you don't, it will affect future relationships. The fact that you seem to wish to accept her bad behavior and are willing to keep the relationship going despite everything leads me to suspect that you are very insecure. You're only 22 years old and have been in a relationship since you were 16. It's time to get out in the world and start experiencing life and all the opportunities that await you. Don't waste more years staying hung up on a girl who lacks integrity and that you will never trust again.

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Yeah, I know I'm young but I was madly in love with her. I bought an engagment ring and everything. What bothers me is how she is OK with everything. It's like I lived a lie for 6 years. Do you think she's just putting up a front with her friends and stuff on facebook? Or was I really just nothing at all to her? I hate her so much but I love her to death it's the most messed up feeling in the world. I'm just trying to figure out if she really gives two * * * * s about me, and why she isn't crawling back like I would to her

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Dude, Facebook is NOT how people feel, it is how people want you to think they feel. They actually did a link removedthat revealed that Facebook causes people to overestimate how happy other people are and therefore be more depressed about themselves.

 

The truth is that this girl is making excuses. She had a lapse in character and it may be a combination of her being ashamed of herself, and her having lost attraction for you for what you have done. The thing is that it is a bit of a chicken or the egg argument in that she may have cheated because she lost attraction for you or she may have lost attraction to you as a result of the cheating (having cheated out of curiosity or some other thing). You should not have compromised yourself by begging for her back, you need to stick to your convictions and your principles. If you show a woman that being with her is more important than having your dignity then she will back away because they are not here to be our mothers or frankly, to be nice to us.

 

I know you are in a lot of pain and it must suck. You need to focus on the disgusting pathetic thing she has done to get your feelings to cool off. Nobody will admire a person like that and she is diminished in every way for having done it. Her excuses towards you are not particularly admirable either.

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I didn't do anything for her to lose attraction? I'm in the best shape of my life, I never once cheated on her or anything. Maybe I worded it wrong in my thread. I just don't get it. I know it's over completely but the way she acted with me and what she was doing behind my back it was like she has two lives. I'm just so hurt, and I don't know how to get over her. So I should just focus on how she cheated and ruined it with me and this will help me get over her? I'm afraid like a month from now after NC she is gonna randomly realize she messed up and want me back, and I don't know if I can say no. I am completely insecure now. Sorry for sounding like a * * * * * . I'm just looking for help.

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It's not about her having "two lives". It's simply about her having no integrity. in the one life she has. She lied to you and cheated on you. She betrayed your trust in the most heinous manner possible. YES, I would focus on her cheating and lying. I would totally focus on her ruining it with you because the truth is that's what she did. This is not your fault, it's hers. Get angry and get her off the pedestal. You will feel very differently about her in a month, believe me.

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You're only 22 just find someone else lol

 

I agree with Staple. Cut her loose and start living your life and focusing on your future - a future without her in it.

 

In retrospect, 22 isn't that young to get married, be in a serious relationship, etc. (Example: My grandmother married my grandfather when she was 25. "I was an Old Maid!" she told us.) At 22, you're old enough to know what you truly want in life. When I was 21, I had this convo with a few people:

 

Me: "I'm having trouble making a core group of friends."

Them: "You're in your early 20s; you still have time."

Me: "People said that when I was 16."

Them: "--oh." (Like, "Oops!")

 

So yes, at 22 you do have you whole life ahead of you, but you should be living the way you expect to be living in that future NOW. Living for the future is a game you won't (and can't) win. Believe me, I've been there.

 

OP, delete your ex from facebook. I know it's tough, but once you do it, in a few days you won't be as obsessed with her. I finally did that with my ex and it's already making a huge difference.

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AutumnRose, I did that earlier today, like you said seeing it was just killing me... Part of this whole thing is just a complete mystery to me. Even up to me finding out, she acted like I was the only one for her. Like she loved me, but like Fun Boater said, I guess she just lacked integrity... Part of me realizes that this is the best thing that could happen to me because if I did end up marrying her she would of probably done it again, which would hurt more. But the other stubborn part is wishing she would just contact me begging for my forgiveness but instead she's out not caring, which stings... I'm trying to give No contact I'm just more angry now.

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I'm in a very similar situation. Been together over a year, found out she had been meeting a guy from the past for last 3 months. Slept with him etc etc

I found the texts as well. Oh dear, I was soooo angry, and said stuff to her that I really regret. But, my friend and this will hurt.....

WALK AWAY!!! You will never look that woman in the eye the same as you did before! We got back together for a week, and boy it was ok, like old times! But when it came to the physical side of it, from a girl who used to be very into it, she had lost it completely. The came the tears, then the "this isn't working" so I packed my things and left.

 

I'd been looking to forgive her, but she threw it in my face, and you know why? Because this other guy is still about.

So the best thing you can do is vanish from the face of the earth to this woman. Facebook, IM, email, text, phone, whatever it maybe, go and get yourself fixed!

Hit the gym, really it works. Buy new clothes. Smile and the world will smile back at you.

This will be a massive life lesson for you, I had one around the age of 25, so really use this time about yourself!

 

Chin up, life moves on, you will meet others and she will regret what she did and feel crap about herself. But women don't show it in the same way. So let her Facebook and do whatever, because you my friend, are better than that!

For myself, I spent 3/4 of my day thinking of her, but my work pals are having drinks tonight, and I'm really excited to be getting out and having fun. You should do the same

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I didn't do anything for her to lose attraction? I'm in the best shape of my life, I never once cheated on her or anything.

 

Yes people can lose attraction even if you look like Mr. Universe and don't cheat. Attraction includes looks, personality, and a host of other factors. If she saw you as needy, she could have easily lost attraction to you.

 

But seriously, you don't want her. Cheaters are bad enough but she was not going to tell you. You had to catch her. She would have cheated again, trust and believe. Sadly, it's time to move on.

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I suppose at times I just needed reassurance that she loved me, because of the emotional relationship she had with another man 2 years back. which is messed up is when we would fight it was because I knew something was going on with her boss, yet she "threatened" to leave me because my "accusations" were hurting her because she said "She worked so hard to get my trust back"... the whole damn time she was cheating on me!

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I suppose at times I just needed reassurance that she loved me, because of the emotional relationship she had with another man 2 years back. which is messed up is when we would fight it was because I knew something was going on with her boss, yet she "threatened" to leave me because my "accusations" were hurting her because she said "She worked so hard to get my trust back"... the whole damn time she was cheating on me!

 

What a nasty girl ... cheating twice. You really don't want her anymore.

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What a nasty girl ... cheating twice. You really don't want her anymore.

 

 

I know, I broke down tonight. I called her and called her all types of nasty names, she got really mad saying "she isn't a * * * * * " and the reason why she doesn't contact me is because "She doesn't know who she is because she would never cheat" and how she wants me back but doesn't want me to hurt anymore. I call bs, she probably is seeing a new guy. So I'm done contacting her! I hate her so much but I think I'm just afraid of her with someone new already.

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I know, I broke down tonight. I called her and called her all types of nasty names, she got really mad saying "she isn't a * * * * * " and the reason why she doesn't contact me is because "She doesn't know who she is because she would never cheat" and how she wants me back but doesn't want me to hurt anymore. I call bs, she probably is seeing a new guy. So I'm done contacting her! I hate her so much but I think I'm just afraid of her with someone new already.

 

Hey guys, just thought i'd update here.. Still feeling like crap, I have a mixture of anger, and sadness. Worst are nights and mornings. It seems like every night I dream about her. I think she's seeing the guy she cheated on me with now and that stings. My thoughts are a jambled mess. Part of me wants her back for some reason, and the other knows that she will never come back. 6 years is a long time, we were inseparable. I wonder why I wasn't enough for her. I'm in law school, busting my butt, and the guy she is with now works at a hotel. I treated her so good. For some reason I'm holding onto this hope she will randomly come crawling back but it's not gonna happen. Oh well. Writing on here helps me, since I know others are going thru heartbreak. I've been occupying my time with getting in the best shape of my life, and hanging out with friends.

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I'm not all that good with advice, but I feel for you man. I go through the same feelings you do, me and my gf (ex?) have 3 kids together (one hers, one mine, and one ours), and we are still living together, but are broken up. I always want to hold her around her torso, and stare at her tummy... it's where one of my kids came from.

When I think of her with another man, my heart breaks, and my brain scrambles, and my anger becomes almost uncontrollable.

I've recently been wondering if she is seeing someone else.. she is dressing nicer.. staying a 'work' longer every night.. and starting to work on weekends.. everyone gives me that advice.. a woman is like a monkey.. blah blah.. but the only thing I do that helps, seriously, is better myself.

Today I went out and picked up a new outfit. Maybe you do that often, but I haven't had to shop for my own clothes for 3 years, she just new my size and could always pick out clothes for me. But doing it myself, relying on ME, made me feel so good today. And hey, when I come home and she see's me wearing something I picked out, who knows what she is going to say or think (I really didn't do it just for a rise out of her, I just needed to do it on my own again, but whatever happens, happens)

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  • 3 years later...

The same its and for me,me too im 22 years old,i loved her with my heart with my soul i loved her more then my life,i was loyal with her i do too much things for her and now i understand she never devervet anything from all things i doit for her, i broke up with my gf before 9 days after 6 yrs we broke up beacuse she cheated on and she never told me 'i cheated on you' but i found on fb photos with her new bf they was in relationship about 1 month or 2 month before and the reason of broke up was beacuse we fight to much i cant stay anymore like this we must broke up 'she told to me like this ' but the real reason was beacuse she cheated one me, i begin her and i cryed like stupid and told to her stay with me dont live me i need very much for you i cant live without you i love you u are my heart,and what she do? she throw my heart and my fellings and all things i do for her and those 6 years like those are nothing,but u know after 9 days without her now i understand i was very stupid doin those things she never deservet she is just a ,i know its hard but kep trying dont think about her dont think anything about her just see your life see your self beacuse cheaters they never change they gone be the same all time and if she come back to you one day dont belive her anymore just stay strong and forget her like she never exit for you,she dont care about you beacuse its simple she its a the same like my ex gf,and keep no contact with her dont thing anything just do like she never exist i know its hard im in same shoes like you but this is long life and belive me when i sayn to you and all people this thing:she broke your heart hurt your fellings and all those things the same gone hapen to her and 1 day she gone come back to you for forgivness this is a long life the god see all peoples and the god dont forget,and karma its a belive me i prove it,,stay strong and live your life forget her like she never exit for you and me im doin the same thing i know its ing hard but i know im gone forget her like she never exist for me

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Ok thanks man, I really appreciate it. Do you think she is going to contact me and should I be ready for it, I just have this feeling that she will and it will mess me up even more.

 

What you do is if she does contact you is not contact her back. Show that you have a back bone and that you see no future with someone that could just go out and do this behind your back and pretend all was good.

 

She has lied to you by hiding her actions. DON'T LOOK BACK.

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