rnrshi Posted February 7, 2012 Share Posted February 7, 2012 I have been married to my husband for 4 years – together for 7. We have twin girls who are 2 years old. He is a wonderful, supportive, father and husband. My problem is that we rarely have sex, an issue that has always been there, but lately has left me feeling resentful and confused. I'm really looking for any honest feedback from an outsider's perspective. Any insight, "been there", etc from you guys would be GREATLY APPRECIATED! Apologies for the long post - just venting & providing details. Thanks for hanging in there and reading We've been sexually incompatible from the very beginning. I let him know early on specific things about how I like to be touched and what turns me on, but it always felt as if there was a disconnect in the bedroom. Before we were married, I bought interactive sex books and expensive position pillows in an attempt to inject the excitement and intimacy I was missing. They seemed to flop and make me feel more self-conscious. On our wedding night, I wore sexy lingerie and tried to get really into it. He seemed to like it, but as soon as his orgasm came, that was the end of the sex - for the remainder of our honeymoon! Now, I’m sure we would have had more sex if I had initiated and jumped his bones every time, but I was really looking for him to find me irresistible and act as if he couldn’t get enough (sex). I mean, it’s supposed to be our honeymoon, right?! He tells me all the time that I have a great body, that I’m beautiful, that he finds me attractive. It just never goes further than a butt slap or breast grab. When I was pregnant, he went out of town on business. Something seemed off. I checked his email account and found odd phone numbers. When I Googled the #’s, I found that they were for female escorts. I lost it and confronted him when he got home. He said that a co-worker gave him the numbers and he just looked them up out of curiosity. He said he looked at porn when on the road (he was traveling a lot at the time) and masturbated to it, but that’s it.When our girls were born, we were so tired that "once a month" sex turned into once in 15 months. During this time we took a trip to Disney World and got lost. I grabbed his phone to try to map our way back to the theme park and stumbled upon a login page for a gay porn site. ?!?? He said it was spam and had nothing to do with it – swore on his daughters’ lives that he wasn’t looking at gay porn. About 3 months ago, I found more evidence of call girls when he was out of town. This time, he said he and a co-worker were hanging out at the bar drunk and talking s**t to the girls by texting them. Trying to convince them that they weren’t cops. That nothing happened and it was stupid – he would never do it again. At this point, my trust in him is wavering. I don’t have solid proof that anything has happened, but it’s been one too many times that little things here and there have come up. How many other times has he done something questionable while out of town that I don’t know about? In addition, the “lack of sex” theme continues…in six months, we’ve had sex twice – which was only after having a lengthy discussion about our absent sex life. The sex itself is very awkward. He has a hard time reaching orgasm and is only able to from behind (doggy-style). Sometimes he loses his erection and we finish by masturbating next to each other. He denies that there's a problem, says he thinks about having sex and is attracted to me, but is often too tired. At this point, I’ve completely lost interest in sex with him and have grown resentful. I am not sure now if I still love him the way I should, but feel guilty and selfish even thinking or writing the thought of leaving. Do I stay in a marriage where sex is infrequent and awkward? Everyone I know thinks he is the perfect husband and father. I feel like this issue has become our dirty little secret. I don’t know how to reconcile these feelings of hurt, resentment, lack of trust and now – indifference. Link to comment
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