A Question....

[The_Seeker]

ha ha, games are addicting. Looks like I should get myself PS 3 and a large tv flat screen. thanks for the idea.

 

 

i wouldn't text him that unless you want to start the nuclear bomb on his heart.

 

trust me, people run for covers.

[Gracelove]

Ha ha too bad we don't live close, you sound like a down to earth person. I wouldn't worry too much about your boyfriend like the way I am not worrying too much about my boyfriend. If he wants to contact then contact. If he doesn't, then he doesn't.

 

All I know is if he asked me "Baby, I haven't heard from you for a while. I miss you..."

 

I would tell him, "Aw baby. That's what happens when you want sooo much space,baby instead of me. Ha ha, didn't you know that in space has bad reception? Besides, I thought you wanted to become an astronaut. My bad, Baby."

 

Ha ha, i hope he isn't drinking or eating anything. I wouldn't be able to perform CPR from a long distance.

 

LOL!!!!!!!!! I should totally say that!

 

I know, you sound like such a sweet and fun person yourself!

 

Sadly, I don't know if he'd ever confess to missing me. He'd probably just accuse me of rejecting him or changing on him. OMG. I tried; I'm the woman in the relationship, I'm not supposed to be chasing him.

 

I just love being affectionate. I was sending him e-mails everyday with like these hiliarious clips. I would find funny clips from Saturday night Live, Napolean Dynamite, Talladega nights, etc. I would send them to him, just anything to make him laugh and make his day more interesting.

 

Naturally I would text him to see how he was doing, or to tell him I missed him, etc.

 

I stopped though, because I am the only one doing that. He'll reply to my texts, but he rarely initiates them. He also doesn't reply to my e-mails, although he'll reference things from them when we're on the phone.

 

Basically I think I just need to hold back. I mean I don't want our whole relationship to be me doing things for him, and him doing nothing for me.

 

I think I've already spoiled him, and he's being so lazy. He just expects me to tell him how wonderful he is everyday.

[The_Seeker]

Ha ha I could boring as well but who isn't?

 

Me too. I love affections. Aw I wish my special someone would send me funny clips to cheer up my day.

 

He sounds like my first ex and somewhat my third boyfriend.

 

Ha ha, yea we got lazy men on our hands. It's Bruno Mars' fault.

 

Yea i'm holding back because I don't know if he's into me anymore and giving me indirect hint he wants me to break up with him or is waiting for me to chase him. I chase him enough and treated him like a girl LOL [fondue and champagne, got him a calvin klein jacket, paid for dinner, etc]. Looks like I'm going to have to do that for myself. I should starting planning out my Valentine's Day. I'm totally going to see the VOW that's for sure.

[Gracelove]

Ha ha I could boring as well but who isn't?

 

Me too. I love affections. Aw I wish my special someone would send me funny clips to cheer up my day.

 

He sounds like my first ex and somewhat my third boyfriend.

 

Ha ha, yea we got lazy men on our hands. It's Bruno Mars' fault.

 

Yea i'm holding back because I don't know if he's into me anymore and giving me indirect hint he wants me to break up with him or is waiting for me to chase him. I chase him enough and treated him like a girl LOL [fondue and champagne, got him a calvin klein jacket, paid for dinner, etc]. Looks like I'm going to have to do that for myself. I should starting planning out my Valentine's Day. I'm totally going to see the VOW that's for sure.

 

LOL! OMG! You are so much like me! I do the same thing! I buy so many gifts for the men I'm with. I'm always thinking of what they may want, and I love just giving to them all the time.

 

I always tell myself, that I won't do it again (after a break up) because they don't appreciate it. The truth is, that I love doing it!

 

It seems like there are just certain things you can't do for men, which sucks a little bit. It's like you want to be yourself, but if you are they take it to mean something else.

 

I want to see "The Vow" also. It sucks that I won't be able to see it with him, because he's not here. I have a guy friend I could see it with, but I don't know, that may be awkward, because it's a romantic movie.

 

Valentine's day is my favorite day! Even when I don't have a Valentine, I just love it so much! I love the colors, and the hearts, and just everything. I think I'm going to treat myself this year too. I think I'll treat myself to a nice dinner, and maybe a facial, LOL! As opposed to what I've done in the past, buy pizza, ice cream, and pig out at home in my sweats, LOL!

I mean if the men in our lives aren't going to do it, it makes sense to do it for ourselves.

[The_Seeker]

I love Nicholas Sparks. He writes the best romantic stories. I wouldn't go see it with a guy friend because your boyfriend would freak out and accuse you. So you don't want that.

 

Ha ha, I haven't had a facial for so long! i should pamper myself this weekend then while watching the Super Bowl. Valentine's Day movie is such a funny movie.

 

Blah I miss the girls night in. Most of my girlfriends are married. I guess that's what happens when I have older friends.

[JonasWaingaro]

If you are in a serious, committed relationship with another person, do you expect to hear from them everyday (via text, e-mail, or telephone)?

 

 

Yes, when in a relationship I will contact everyday as I'm thinking about her. It seems natural. You think of your SO and you reach out. Isn't that why we get into relationships?

[Gracelove]

I love Nicholas Sparks. He writes the best romantic stories. I wouldn't go see it with a guy friend because your boyfriend would freak out and accuse you. So you don't want that.

 

Ha ha, I haven't had a facial for so long! i should pamper myself this weekend then while watching the Super Bowl. Valentine's Day movie is such a funny movie.

 

Blah I miss the girls night in. Most of my girlfriends are married. I guess that's what happens when I have older friends.

 

I know, girls' nights are so much fun! I haven't had one of those in a while. A lot of my girlfriends are married as well. Although I met this new girl and she wants to go for happy hour sometime. She's super funny and a lot of fun. I'm sure she'll be spending Valentine's day with her boyfriend though.

 

You're right. I'm not going to go with my guy friend. My boyfriend may be a little unhappy because my guy friend posted that he wanted to take me to see "The Lady in Black" movie, on Facebook. My boyfriend wants to see it, but I'm not going to see it with anyone, because I won't sleep for the next two years. I don't know, I haven't dated anyone in almost 5 years, and this whole thing seems rather complicated. It's like how do you know what to do, and what not to do? It's like walking through a land mine.

 

Anywho, a facial during the super bowl sounds like fun! I love having girl time, or me-time. When you paint your nails, have a facial, or take a bubble bath. It's fun doing girly-things.

[The_Seeker]

Dang 5 years!!!! i'm shocked.

 

All you can do is get more hobbies and do what makes you happy. Or you can tell him you are unhappy and start to lose feeling slowly. You don't know what to do anymore.

 

I think that's what I would do. But this relationship that i have is too early to tell.

 

ha ha I just canceled my texting plan. looks like we're both going to just talk on the phone instead.

 

There'sno girls night out in MA. Mostly in CT. Wish I live in CT.

[Gracelove]

Yes, when in a relationship I will contact everyday as I'm thinking about her. It seems natural. You think of your SO and you reach out. Isn't that why we get into relationships?

 

Hey There! I agree, I thought it would be a natural thing as well.

[Gracelove]

Dang 5 years!!!! i'm shocked.

 

All you can do is get more hobbies and do what makes you happy. Or you can tell him you are unhappy and start to lose feeling slowly. You don't know what to do anymore.

 

I think that's what I would do. But this relationship that i have is too early to tell.

 

ha ha I just canceled my texting plan. looks like we're both going to just talk on the phone instead.

 

There'sno girls night out in MA. Mostly in CT. Wish I live in CT.

 

Yes, five years! LOL! After my last relationship I told everyone I wouldn't date for that amount of time, and no one believed me. Five years is a long time, but now I'm open to dating.

 

I guess my relationship is in it's early stages like yours.

 

It's good that you got rid of your texting plan. I think talking on the phone is much better. I don't know about you, but for me it feels like it takes me forever to type out a text message, LOL!

 

It's fun having girls' night out, but if you live in a place where there isn't much to do, you can have girls' night in! You can invite friends over, make margaritas, eat pizza, watch movies, and vent about men! That could be soooo much fun!

[The_Seeker]

Yes, five years! LOL! After my last relationship I told everyone I wouldn't date for that amount of time, and no one believed me. Five years is a long time, but now I'm open to dating.

 

I guess my relationship is in it's early stages like yours.

 

It's good that you got rid of your texting plan. I think talking on the phone is much better. I don't know about you, but for me it feels like it takes me forever to type out a text message, LOL!

 

It's fun having girls' night out, but if you live in a place where there isn't much to do, you can have girls' night in! You can invite friends over, make margaritas, eat pizza, watch movies, and vent about men! That could be soooo much fun!

 

Mine is long distance. So I see him like twice a month. So far we've been together about late October but met in late August. So I guess the relationship is 3 month long while we've known each other for 5 months. Honey moon stage is over.

 

I hate cellphone sometimes. I use it for emergency because i live in a questionable area. I'm fast at texting but i just hate it cuz people would text me in the middle of the night or stupid stuff.

 

ha ha vent about men LOL i wonder if men vent about women during boys night in ha ha

 

anyway grace love I'm heading to bed. it was nice meeting you and chatting with you. good luck on your relationship. it takes a lot of work. ;] ha ha don't we love that?

 

have a good night

[Gracelove]

Mine is long distance. So I see him like twice a month. So far we've been together about late October but met in late August. So I guess the relationship is 3 month long while we've known each other for 5 months. Honey moon stage is over.

 

I hate cellphone sometimes. I use it for emergency because i live in a questionable area. I'm fast at texting but i just hate it cuz people would text me in the middle of the night or stupid stuff.

 

ha ha vent about men LOL i wonder if men vent about women during boys night in ha ha

 

anyway grace love I'm heading to bed. it was nice meeting you and chatting with you. good luck on your relationship. it takes a lot of work. ;] ha ha don't we love that?

 

have a good night

LOL! I doubt men vent about women when hanging out. I wish you luck on your relationship as well.

 

It was so nice talking to you too! Thanks for all of your advice. Sweet Dreams!

[Tanzi]

I think the key factor here is that your relationship is LD. Obviously good communication is paramount in any successful relationship but with an LDR it is how your conduct a large chunk of your relationship too. How long have you guys been together? How often do you see each other? One last question, lol, has the contact changed over time, ie. in the beginning did he text you on a daily basis and the texting it is now slowing down?

 

 

 

 

Maybe he has just become a little too confident with the relationship ... and maybe a little complacent. Or maybe he isn't confident at all and waits for you to contact him first as a sort of test to see how much you do love and want him, especially if he has wanted you for over 10 years!!! Wow!! Or maybe he just has a relaxed attitude towards texting or being in a relationship. If it was left to him how often would you text each other?

 

You are dead right .... a relationship that is on equal footing shouldn't need to be about games, tests, power or weakness. It might not be from his point of view, of course, but the fact that you are thinking that these things are a possibility and don't really know where you stand, shows that there is a lack of communication here ... not just in the amount of times you text each other but in what you communicate TOO each other. You should be feeling confident about your relationship. If you are in an LDR then it is harder to show your true feelings, therefore he needs to expressthem more through communication. Perhaps you should just tell him that.

[Gracelove]

Hey There A-Little-Blue!

 

How are you today? I hope you're well. Thank you so very much for your imput.

 

He has told me before that he tends to hold his feelings to himself, so it is hard for him to show his feelings.

 

Okay, let's see, we've been together now for about a week and a half. We went from 0 to 60 in a few days. I can't tell you how things developed at all really. I can't say on this day he told me he loved me, this day he said he wants to marry me, this day we talked about future plans, etc. It's almost as if it all happened at once. It's a complete fog.

 

As to how often we see each other...we've never seen each other. Ten years ago my best guy friend and his best friend introduced us to each other over the phone. We instantly felt a connection and began talking to each other day and night. We were always on the phone, telling each other our secrets, having fun etc. Anywho, back then I was a bit shallow. I wanted to be with someone I was thought was handsome, he sent me his picture and I was like, this is not the person I want to be with, so I stopped communication. It was so bad. I still had all of these feelings for him, and he was so hurt, and it was just not a good thing.

 

Over the years when I'd talk to my best guy friend, he'd get on the phone. I'd be happy to hear his voice, but we would just bicker. I don't know, it was childish.

 

You asked how often we would talk if it were up to him....well as of right now, we wouldn't talk at all. He hasn't contacted me in two days.

 

Now, I don't know. Today, I feel like this has all been a game, and I'm basically writing him off. I'm moving on, I'm just going to look at this whole thing as a crazy experience, and that's it.

 

I know that you mentioned him possibly not feeling confident in the relationship. That's definitely a possibility. That's why I've put so much of myself out there. I knew that he was happy, but afraid that I'd leave and hurt him again. At least that's what he expressed to me. I assured him that I wouldn't, and that's how I felt, but right now I feel that he's not an honest person.

 

He has a job, but no voicemail set up on his phone, which I find to be a bit crazy. I think that someone who doesn't want to be known or found does things like that. He also claims that the apartment complex he lives in doesn't have a place where mail is delivered for residents (obviously that is a load of B.S.). He says he could support me as his wife, but my best guy friend said, "money is tight". You know? I feel that he is just making things up. He sounds sincere on the phone, but that's on the phone.

 

I know that he said he'd fly out to see me in a couple of months. I have two girlfriends who are married to men they decided to marry before meeting. Of course as soon as they decided, they met with the guys because you can't marry someone you've never met. Both of them have been happily married to these guys for over 6 years.

 

I don't know, it's a bit confusing. I'm a bit sensitive so certain things really affect me. Since I've been talking to him, I've had trouble focusing on school. The whole marriage talk thing added so much pressure.

 

I just don't believe him anymore. If he can't pick up the phone to call me everyday, I don't want him as a partner anyway. It doesn't make sense to me.

 

I thought I would call him and share my thoughts, or text him. Just to let him know what I'm feeling. I texted him yesterday asking him to call me, and he didn't reply. At this point I'm done wasting my time, and I'm finished with him.

 

If he contacts me a week from now, I'll reply letting him know that I'm done. I won't listen to any of his excuses or accusations because I know he's insincere.

 

Honestly I hate to hear or see people hurting, that hurts me a lot, especially if I feel I've caused it. If he's hurt, it will hurt me, but I think he's not honest. I just don't believe any of the things he's said anymore.

[The_Seeker]

Gurl, I give it 2 weeks. Then let him know how you feel. If things still are the same, pack up and go. Good luck!

[Gracelove]

Gurl, I give it 2 weeks. Then let him know how you feel. If things still are the same, pack up and go. Good luck!

 

Hey Missy!!!

 

How are you doing today?! I hope you're well.

Omg, you are so nice! LOL! 2 weeks seems like such a long time. I think you're right. Dumping him after not talking for 3 days may be a little rash. I shouldn't think the worst of him so quickly.

 

I'll wait 2 weeks, after that time I'm going to let him know that we're over. He'll have absolutely no excuse for not talking to me for such a long period of time (in my eyes anyway). We'll see what happens.

[The_Seeker]

Hey Missy!!!

 

How are you doing today?! I hope you're well.

Omg, you are so nice! LOL! 2 weeks seems like such a long time. I think you're right. Dumping him after not talking for 3 days may be a little rash. I shouldn't think the worst of him so quickly.

 

I'll wait 2 weeks, after that time I'm going to let him know that we're over. He'll have absolutely no excuse for not talking to me for such a long period of time (in my eyes anyway). We'll see what happens.

 

Crappy, but today I start focusing more on my exam than my boyfriend. I thought i replied to you before I head to shower and study.

 

;] Hey it's called 14 days to quit notice in the job world. Ha ha!

 

I realize that the reason he wasn't talking to me is because I think he is recovering from his breakup long term relationship with his ex. They broke up in January. I broke up with my second ex in january. So I know how he is feeling during January month. Good thing I didn't hassle him by calling just yet. So I'll let him enjoy his trip to memory lane. Today marks one week we didn't talk. Next week I will know for sure what's going on.

 

Anyway so funny my guy friend [college] texted me I was like maybe that's him but it wasn't. Anyway we talked on the phone and he was like "You know, you're like the only girl I know that talks on the phone and cancels her texting plan. That's RAD."

 

I'm going to make sure I use the phone for emergency and to meet up. I can't bother with phones anymore. I kind of hate it. Hopefully when I get my new place i'll just have a home phone and use my cellphone as a business phone instead. Besides you get to see who is your real friend and who isn't.

 

The reason I said 2 weeks was due to my experience. My first ex didn't call me 2 weeks and basically he wanted to break up but couldn't do it so he played victim. Lame...

 

Anyway i have 1 week of hope before I become a Single Lady. Ha ha!

 

Feel free to PM me, chicka! later!

[Stay_home]

If you are in a serious, committed relationship with another person, do you expect to hear from them everyday (via text, e-mail, or telephone)?

 

Yes, I think that's part of what being in a serious, committed relationship with another person is all about.

[Batya33]

I did and most people I know who are in serious committed relationships communicate every day.

[Gracelove]

The_Seeker Hey there girl! I'll PM you.

 

~2 sided coin~ Thanks so much for your imput. I just wanted to make sure I wasn't overreacting.

 

Batya33 Thank you so much for giving me your opinion as well. It's definitely helpful.

[Tanzi]

Thank you Gracelove, I am well thankyou. Hope you are keeping well too.

 

Gosh, I hadn't realised that you had only been together for a week and a half or that you hadn't met yet. Well firstly can I just say that generally a week and a half isn't really enough time to have fallen into a comfortable pattern or even to have established a routine regarding communication yet .... BUT .... what I feel is odd with your situation is that you have been communicating for a long, long time already and he has wanted you for almost as long and yet a week and a half into it becoming a relationship your communication has suddenly all but ceased, though I guess that depends on how much your spoke/text before. How often did you speak/text before it became a relationship?

 

I'm all for LDR's. I'm all for on-line dating ... and connecting on-line before meeting. I know its possible to connect on-line. I have done it myself. However I do believe that people should meet before it even gets close to talking abut marriage etc. I guess it was OK to talk about marriage in a jokey or flippant way in the 10 years that you were talking as friends and when it wasn't to be taken seriously but then when you went to being in a relationship maybe he felt the pressure was really on. Suddenly this almost "virtual" friendship and love interest that he has had for 10 years was suddenly becoming real. Perhaps it doesn't feel the same in reality.

 

Also after all this time, and without having yet met up, there's the possibility that it doesn't feel any different to him and he is just plodding along as he has in the last 10 years.

 

Have you heard anything since you last posted?

[Gracelove]

Hey There A-little-blue!!!

 

I'm glad to hear that you're doing well! Thanks for your reply.

 

In the past this guy and I used to talk all of the time. When we started talking again recently, in the beginning he would text or call. Basically it all just stopped. I haven't heard from him at all.

 

I'm done with him though, and I'm feeling really good about it. At first I was realllly sad, but luckily I'm not feeling that way any longer.

 

The whole 10 years thing is what made it all extra strange. I don't know, he said he wanted me all that time, etc. etc. If a normal man had asked me to marry him in like a couple of days I would have immediately written him off. However, I could believe that after 10 years he might be feeling a little impatient.

 

Anywho, I'm done with him now anyway.

 

Thank you so much for all of your help, I can tell you are really insightful.