Celadon Posted September 15, 2004 Share Posted September 15, 2004 I'm trying to deal with conflict better and could use some help. I'm the type who always apologizes to the other person even if it's not my fault, just because I don't like the tension. How do you know when you're being reasonable and when you're overreacting to something? Because I haven't really ever been assertive in my life, I don't know when I'm being selfish or just right. Like, I'm trying to pull this project together at work, and one of my co-workers started meddling and I had to tell her to lay off - it was getting confusing who was doing what. I think I was right in doing that, but because I've never been assertive, I don't know. And meanwhile she's mad at me. I hope this post makes sense. I'm just trying to develop healthy boundaries, but sometimes it's not clear what those are. And when the other person doesn't react well, then it's REALLY hard for me to stand my ground! How do you know when you're right? Link to comment
jurupa Posted September 15, 2004 Share Posted September 15, 2004 Interesting question. I think when you know when your right is when the answer/solution/view point makes sense to you and you have considered all out comes thru. But you need to stand your ground and express what you think is right and pretty soon you get to know what is right and worng in your mind. Link to comment
Scout Posted September 15, 2004 Share Posted September 15, 2004 Look at it this way...you're teaching yourself how to handle conflict, you just need to learn some of the tools needed. This was a great first step for you! Just be aware that no matter how nicely you say something sometimes, people will still get offended. The best you can do is tell them that wasn't your intention. There are probably some good books out there on the subject of assertive, positive communication, and how to handle conflict. I can't think of any off the top of my head, though. Why don't you browse through the bookstore? Everyone should read stuff like this if they're in business (and sounds like your co-worker definitely needs to!) Link to comment
Celadon Posted September 16, 2004 Author Share Posted September 16, 2004 Thanks, guys! You make some really good points. I guess it will be trial and error for awhile, huh? Like you said, Jurupa, as long as I've scoped out the options/consequences and not acted in haste (my words) then I'll have done the best I can. Scout, thanks for the encouragement. I especially appreciate your thought on telling someone it wasn't my intention. I think that's the sand trap I often fall into -- someone implies that I had bad motives and I get all mad about that, instead of just saying, Nope, I didn't mean it that way. Hey, there's good news. Since I told my co-worker to simmer down, she has, and I even feel a little more confident now about my abilities and what I want. Let's hope this will continue! Link to comment
Scout Posted September 16, 2004 Share Posted September 16, 2004 That is good news! Very happy to see these successes for you Katie, as you travel along the path of self-growth. You'll find that each new success leads to even more opportunities. Link to comment
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