evollove Posted November 28, 2011 Share Posted November 28, 2011 2 Days ago marked the first anniversary of my relationship with my girlfriend, we've been friends for a couple years before hand, and she left her 8 year long previous somewhat abusive relationship for me and is the one who initiated the relationship. In her past relationship there were lots of problems, and it seems as if they just carried forward into this one. We moved in together way too soon but didnt have a choice because I was moving away and wanted her to come with me so as to avoid a long distance one. PAST PROBLEMS: 1)Almost 8 months ago, the day before we were to move in together in a different town there were already problems: recently out of college and broke (both of us), she called me and told me (not asked, told) that we're going on an extravagant houseboating party, which I wanted to avoid not only because of the expence but because she told me last time she went there was a lot of cocaine and E on board and she got wasted beyond belief. It is important to know that I am a recovered cocaine addict. When I mentioned that I could not yet commit to this and had a bad feeling she said "fine I'll just go by myself and I'm going to have guys all over me" (she was drunk at the time). I hung up and planned on breaking up with her the next morning. -somehow we managed to make ammends and she apologized (after I pretty much had to explain why an apology was necessary and basically had to force it out of her). IN the long run we actually did go, partly because I don't trust her around alcohol and know that she turns into a flirt. 2)Portland, Oregon: we went on a vacation for 2 days, the first night she got so drunk she got us kicked out of the bar. It is important to know that I also have drinks but rarely ever get flat out drunk, just a mild buzz. The next day I went and toured the city by myself as she was too drunk to get out of bed. 3)Home again: we go out to watch a canucks game and she gets wasted, again flirting with other guys right in front of me, no shame... I end up having to pick up the majority of the tab, and being broke I get pissed. She notices that I'm upset and gets defensive starting a fight and literally running away and I had to drive around to find her. 4)she drinks about 12 ounces of my vodka without even asking then starts her usual drunken rage... I end up putting the vodka in my safe which starts a secondary fight. 5)we see a wild bear at night after she had some wine with my family (we can actually handle our liquor), she tries to approach the bear, I try to protect her and keep her at a safe distance... this causes a fight, she screams at me and embarrases me in public. 6)there are probably another 15 or so instances but they are similar to the other ones so here's the big one: -Our first anniversary: I take her to the most prestigious restaurant in my town, order her a fancy dinner and of course she orders more drinks than I expect her to. This is after I gave her a $100 necklace and gift set, not that material things matter... she this time actually contributes to the cost of dinner (pays 40 of the 165 dollars... doesn't really cover tax and tip but its better than nothing). I was somewhat impressed, she asks if she can take me out for one drink. I have a bad feeling about it but the night is so early I agree. We have one drink each and play some pool with people in the pub accross from the restaurant. Then we play another couple. Then another.. the drinks start adding up on her end. I am always the designated driver so I only had one, which is what we discussed prior.. she is getting drunk... all of a sudden she turns in to "dark tara" her drunken alter ego who loves to cause chaos she decides that now she is going to change the rules of the game without anyones consent or awareness, where now you don't have to call the 8 ball but if you do and miss then you lose even if it doesnt go down a hole. I've been playing pool for 15 years and never heard such a thing, its stupid and ridiculous: I ask for clarification and want her to know that we havent been playing this way so we need to let the other team know, she talks over me and doesnt let me speak, I reinforce my position and want her to let the other team know that she is changing the rules mid game, she raises her voice, here I get frustrated that she wont even listen and I decide to just go sit down and not play anymore, this game is not fun anymore... I tell her I'm not comfortable and I want to leave, I leave her under a covered area so she doesnt need to get soaked in the rain while I get the car, I arrive and she is standing with a random guy and rubbing his arm standing close to him. I begin crying madly. We get home and she refuses to take any responsibility (until the next morning when she's sober) for anything that happened and it's all my fault for "not standing up for her and being on her side" when she changed the rules. The next day I tell my coworkers I'm sick and that's why I look like crap after not sleeping,.. I'm "sick" every two weeks on sunday mornings (after saturday night fight night) and I think they suspect that I AM THE ALCOHOLIC! My gratuities are dismal as they usually are when Im upset. I don't even want to see her the next day so I come home when she's still at work and take sleeping pills so I can just sleep through this part of my life. I know its sinking to her level to escape but I'm so upset I want to leave her. What is super important to understand is that when she is not drinking, she is pretty much an amazing girlfriend and very loving, almost everything a man can ask for, but liquor is always seeming to shine its ugly head through and destroy our relationship. I already consulted her on her problematic drinking... She doesn't drink daily so she's not a typical alcoholic. She drinks occasionally and the problems only occur when we're in public. I am also a professional in a small town and feel my reputation is being tarnished. I love her, but I think somehow if she doesnt change her patterns our relationship has to end. What do I do? What would you do? I want to make it work, but I think if it continues more then I will have to find someone else.. What really is terrible is everytime she wears the necklace I bought her it will remind me of the worst day of my life. Do I get her to return it? Please help J Link to comment
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