Charingx1 Posted November 27, 2011 Share Posted November 27, 2011 Hi All, Not been on for a while. In short my ex dumped me 6 months ago after a 15 month relationship. I was too needy/insecure and didn't trust her. I had some reason, i.e. she was a cereal cheat before me, but genuinely i think shes changed. In the 6 months we have been apart I did the following Months 1-3 - Begged, pleaded, sent her videos of me at our favourite places, caught her on a dating site and she went mad t me, blaming me saying she had no confidence, said she wasnt actually going to date anyone so soon. Well, turns out she was looking to date, wont go into how i know, i just found out. Month 3 we kissed and that was the last time i kissed her, she said im sorry i cant be with you. Months 4-5 - I work with her, i kept contact to a minimum. Told her i couldnt be friends. A couple of weeks would pass and she will email me about something, asking me about my boy, or asking how i am. Id be polite and in the end id end up saying i wanted her back as i wasnt healed. So that resulted in no contact again as she wasnt interested. Now im at month 6. I know she has been on a couple of dates, but nothing serious is going on. I hadn't heard from her for 5 weeks, i just decided to pretend she didnt exist i wasnt healing and wanted to get over her. And to be fair, i have done really well. I'd stopped thinking of her all the time, resigned myself to the fact she may be dating and was moving on. I didnt contact her on her birthday which i think shocked her. THEN ON THURSDAY SHE EMAILED. She heard me talking about an exam i had failed. She said " I know you will probably ignore this and thats fine, just wanted to say im sorry to hear about that and tht i still care." So i didnt reply for a while as to be honest never thought id hear form her again. In the end we had a conversation, her saying i thought you wouold email on my birthday. Then i say well im ignoring you because im healing, you know i love you etc. She replies this " Whenever you walk in i get butterflies and stare at you for ages. Im sorry i contacted you but its been months and months now and i miss oyu all the time. There's a noticeable calmness in your emails now. maybe we understand each other better than i thought." So i just replied saying a few bits like i feel the same and that im not the same person anymore, im not angry any more ive worked on myself with therapy etc and i just want you to be happy. she then replies, totally out of the blue and a change of attitude " Ive had to accept you will never trust me, never have, never will, you need to see that for yourself one day". I was shocked! One minute she is all nice etc, then shes saying, basically, anyway you dont trust me and end of conversation! The conversation continued with me saying i dont mind what you think, i know that im a different person and she just said she understands me alot better now and is glad i understand her now. That was it. Im totally confused. Do you think she was just seeing if i was around for her still? Or is she having doubts about ending it, 6 months on shes still missing me all the time. i honestly thought she'd moved on, nd its clear she's been upset ive been avoiding her, as she had a little jokey dig at me about avoiding work. What do people think i should do? I still love her immensely, id love to be back with her, but i am a different person. Im not going to beg or plead any more, but i dont want to pass up an opportunity. Do i just go back to NC or perhaps email her? Im going away for 5 weeks in ten days so that will be the longest she hasnt seen me. Any help would be appreciated!! Link to comment
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