I think I have the best tactic ever

[SonOfaBeeSting]

So I have this girl that I had been dating for a long time (2 and a half yrs) and we fell in love and we still love each other but the spark kinda went away because we got comfortable and didn't really do much different other than sit around and occasionally go to the movies and stuff like that, and I had moved away from her after I graduated college and we broke up, to make a long story short. Well this was about 4 months ago and we have seen each other 2 times since then and each time was wonderful. It's like the spark is there and we're back together in a relationship when we are physically together, but then after she or I leaves it just goes back to the same a week after the visit as in it just feels like it's not all there. I can just feel it and it's like she has to be with me in order to feel it. We have been talking everyday and she calls me and texts me just as much as I do her, but lately I have been letting her talk first and I am just nonchalant, and then i will occasionally text her to see whats up. She has said before if she didn't wanna talk to me nor drive 4 hrs to see me she would tell me and that would be that, or if she wanted to date other ppl then she would do it, and I believe her because she is a very honest person. She is a very determined girl and works hard in school and is in an extremely busy semester so I take that into account but it just still seems like she could try harder. She is just enjoying being single she says since she has never really been single and not at all in college except for 4 months or so, and she is just stressed out with school and doens't wanna deal with a relationship. Ok, that's fine but it has been like 4 months and I have tried alot of different things like acting like I don't care and all that stuff and it seems to work and then I just get too comfortable I guess after she starts to seem interested again and it just backfires. I just think it's funny how she gets jealous when another girl talks to me or if I talk to another girl (on facebook). Like last night I didn't talk to her until like 4pm because I was helpin a bud work on his Camaro all day and she was the one to call and I made that brief, then she calls at 10 and I don't answer and then she immediately texts sayin "r u with someone else right now because u never just not answer ur phone". * * * is up with that? I just told her no I have been helping my bud out on his car all day and we finally finished.

 

I am moving back very close to her within a week and it's not for her it's a job opportunity I couldn't pass up but I think she seems to think that I expect to see her often and that we will be getting back together. She said she will see me as much as she can lol and my ass is sittin here thinking yea if you really wanted to see me often you would but I can tell you I am not expecting to see her often like we used to nor to be back together soon at all and I told her that. I saw her the weekend before this last and everything went great and I can tell she really is in love with me and that's the reason we have both held on this long, but now it's just like she is distant again. I know for a fact that she is not seeing anybody else either so I'm not worried about that. The last two times we saw each other we acted like we were back together and we would kiss, hold hand, hug, and have sex and we just had a ton of fun. It's quite clear that we both LOVE being around each other and we have a blast, but it is as if there is some sort of barrier preventing her to want to get back with me. Well I think I am going to try something else and I'm finally getting to where I think I can put my foot down and stand up for myself and think with my damn head and not my emotions.

 

So I was thinking that when I do move near her again I am not even going to try to chill with her, and just let her ask me to hang out (unless, of course, she doesn't ever ask me to which I don't think will happen). And then i was still gonna say that I can't the first time, maybe, because I am really busy or just something like that and then wait for her to wanna chill again and kinda be hesitant but then say yes and chill with her and then when I do see her just act like strictly friends since every time we see each other we kiss and hug and hold hands all the time, so I am thinking that if she sees that I am not all that interested in being more than friends she won't be able to take it lol. This is probably where I'll * * * * up tho because she will ask why and if I am seeing someone else, blah blah blah and I will probably somehow say the wrong thing. I really just wanna act like nothing is outta the ordinary because I know that when I sense something has changed and I tell her about it and she says nothing is different, it bugs the hell outta me, so I'll return the favor. How does all that sound?

 

PS: I posted something extremely similar to this earlier and nobody * * * * ing tried to help me so I had to redo it and give it a more catchy title so sorry to you who have read this already, but you deserve it for not giving me advice hahah

[rosephase]

Honestly? It sounds like childish game playing. If you like her and want to be in a relationship with her then tell her. You're moving back into her area. The distance was a problem with you being together in the past why would you start screwing with her head? It seems like you think she is playing games with you, if that is true is she really worth your time?

 

Just act like a man and tell her you want to be in a relationship when you move back. If she says no then move on and stop giving her the attention.

[SonOfaBeeSting]

No I've said I wanna be together tons of times. So it's childish to not want to act like we're in a relationship only when we're physically together but not when I am away?? Hmmmm... Yes she is worth my time or I wouldn't be on here 4 months later. Yes may sound like we're playing games but I don't believe she is with me and I didn't think trying to get accross to her that I'm moving on is playing a game, I guess i shoulda worded it up differently, and yea I do want us to work out but I am just about to move on and call it quits. She is an incredible girl that I would literally marry someday, I thought that before the break up as well, so it is very hard to let go. I'm just tired of this crap though, like constantly wondering if we're gonna get together or not. Is it not a turn off when someone sits there and tries so hard to get you back by saying they wanna be in a relationship again over and over and telling them how much u love them alllll the time? I think yes. I have been there and done that lol and I am done with that * * * * . Every time I do kinda become distant it's like it pulls her in and then I screw it up by acting all lovey dovey again. I wanted to try something different that I haven't tried yet, which i believe will also help me move on if it doesn't work. So, I just wanted to see what everybody thought. And I will be moving on very soon if I don't see some sorta change pretty quickly. But it appears to me, rosephase, that you think I should just see her if I want and if she wants, and we both know to not be all obsessive and confessing my love for her and all that right? And if she doesn't wanna get back with me then just move right along? Well that is certainly easier said than done, but I value your opinion.

 

Thanks for the reply rosephase, so lets see what other ppl think too!

[Ms Darcy]

I think time will play this one out. If you are in a push-pull dynamic with her, it's very hard to get out of it. I think it's wise for you, as you say you will, to move on if things don't change. Whatever you do, don't stay stuck in limbo land forever.

 

Obviously something is missing for her if you are near her and yet she still doesn't want to be with you. It may be hard for you to admit that her level of feelings are not where yours are. Time will heal that too.

[SonOfaBeeSting]

Yea for sure. Well I honestly think that with me being there with her to where I can see her much more often instead of 4 hrs down the road where I can't, that things will improve greatly and we will soon be back together. I think the distance between us is causing the issue and me being close and being able to see her quite often is one big thing that is missing. So maybe I should act like I am just sorta drifting away but not like I am totally moved on. I think the only way I can do that is if I am "busy" sometimes with things that would normally not hold me back from seeing her, but also see her sorta often. Ya know what I'm saying? I know we aren't going to get back together immediately and truthfully I don't think we will until possibly after this school semester of hers and after the christmas break because she has been super stressed over school and just wants to have a break from it and get to be with her family and all that. I think after the stress level goes down that will also be a big deal and is one of the other big issues.

 

Thanks for the response Ms Darcy! Keep em coming ppl they're helping me form an idea/plan.