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How do you get over your ex having sex with someone else?


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Okay-

I am pretty sure that this has not happened... (yet)... but I want to prepare myself for the inevitable.

How do you cope with the notion of your ex-bf/gf having sex with someone else? I am still so attached to them. I mean, it is totally different when you have broken up and years later you find out that they are married/kids/etc..

But when you were just dumped (or even the dumper), what sort of techniques have worked for you?

I feel that what we shared was so special that I don't want to have sex with anyone else now. And I feel a visceral pain when I think of him sleeping with another woman.

 

Thank you for your thoughts..

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Complete no contact. Ignorance is bliss as far as exes are concerned. I don't want to hear anything about their lives, and they don't need to hear anything about mine. I avoid searching them out on-line as well, don't need to see an engagement announcement.

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It'll just have to take some time, healing in order to get over the feelings of your last relationship. It never happens overnight, Ironman. But what I would do starting as soon as the sun comes up is working on developing those new thought patterns that don't include him. Taking it one step at a time until you've finally arrived there. Most importantly, continue to maintain NC.

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Its going to happen, like it or not, as much as you like to believe you were their one and only, its going to happen. But look on the other side of the coin, you will eventually have sex with someone else. You can say all you want you wont have sex with someone else, 'we have all said this' because you want to make sure when our Xs come back you can say you were true, honest and faithful to them.. Well, get over it. No one is holding you back from having sex with someone else. Only you with your imaginary bond thinking you and your X are still together. I feel you tho, I know it hurts. I have delt with the thought, I didnt like it any better than you, I said the same thing about not having sex with someone else, I waited and held out that hope, but in the end, it only prolongs your pain.

Its over, her path is no longer with yours. Accept the fact that eventually its going to happen. Dont know and dont care to how and when or with who. Dont go looking for her facebook, twitter, email, talk to friends, dont look for it!!! If you look, careful for what you might find cause you will not like it and the pain will be 100% your fault.

Thats the best advice I can give, DONT FOLLOW HER MOVEMENTS! worry about yours. Dont hold out, if you two were ment to be, then it will be. It might be years from now after seeing a few guys, but in the end if she realizes you are the one, she will seek you out, but you must let her go completely to see who you are. If you are constantly peeking over the fence to see what she is doing, then you only show her that you are not worthy of a trusting partner

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I'd say so. I see no reason why simply blocking your ex out wouldn't work for either gender. You can wonder all you want, but unless you know for sure, you'll feel no pain. Look at it this way, when you meet another guy, develop feelings for him, and sleep with him, would you care your ex was doing then? I've known married couples who divorced and then both remarry, and regularly see each other. Do they care that their ex is sleeping with someone else? Probably not.

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How do you cope with the notion of your ex-bf/gf having sex with someone else?

 

By having sex with someone else yourself.

 

You just need to accept the fact that anyone you break up with will have sex again in their life. They will enjoy it and it won't be with you.

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^^ I did this but it was forced, I was hurting, a wreck and desperate to not feel what I was feeling.

I had already knew my ex was having sex with someone else at the time.

 

Did it make me feel better?

During the time....yes.

 

Did I hurt other people involved by doing this?

Yes.

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My ex dumped me for someone else when we were still together, so he's definitely having sex with her (on a regular basis). In a way, it makes it easier for me to move on to better things. It's evitable that exes will have sex with other people ... as you will in the future (after you've allowed sufficient time to heal). It's best not to dwell on it, but do things that make you happy, things that you probably put off when you were with him. Practice NC and move on. I agree that rebounding is not a good idea. Find happiness within, and you'll eventually attract a man who loves you for who you are.

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Eocsor- can you tell me a little more about why it is a bad idea? I am not trying to be obtuse, I am just not used to these feelings

 

So many reasons. At best it's a quick fix that just delays the pain for a few more hours or days. At worst it can send you into depression as you realise she's not your ex and you realise what you had and are missing.

 

If the rebound continues you are just using another person as an emotional crutch until you feel better. Then when you do, you dump them and screw them over. It also delays real healing on your part as you are using the other person to delay facing reality.

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I agree with ignore the ex completely.

The first weeks I was stalking him, yes! not proud, because I wanted to see if there was someone else and he lied. There wasn't.

But I realized that some time, there will be one and I won't be strong enough to handle it seeing them together and knowing they have sex.

I need to facebook block him, too, before he turns from sinle into a relationship...

 

Ignore them, try to learn nothing about them. Eventually you won't care, hopefully.

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I'm battling with this myself. A month after our 4.5 year relationship ended I foolishly snooped on her facebook account and read a convo that suggested she may be hooking up with someone. Nothing was concrete, the word sex wasn't even used so the vagueness left it open for interpretation. That was 2 months ago and today I still am haunted by the ideathat she might have hooked up with someone. It hurts more that she was even considering it so soon after we ended, while I'm here 3 months post breakup settling for minimal make out sessions with randoms at bars. The idea of getting legit intimate with another is not one I entertain.

 

I, too, would like to develop some tools of keeping these thoughts (especially since I have no concrete evidence) out of my mind.

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Its going to happen. Accept that. Its part of life, we have something tragic happen to us and then we mourn and then move on. There is NO way you can expect your X to save themselves for you or think after you there is none better and you rocked their world so much that they are going to wait for you. Altho its a good thought, in reality its not possible.

My advice to everyone is what others have been saying. Dont snoop, dont look, dont search, dont worry, dont care. Is sex to cure yourself from your X the best solution? To some it is, to some its not. Some people esteem might be low and need sexy to boost it up again, makes them feel attractive and needed. Others feel that sex with someone they dont have feelings for cheapens it and thats okay too.

But your X will move on from you. Let them go, let them see how life is without you, if it was ment to be, they will find you in the future. It might be a good thing between now and then they date other people have sex with others and hope that in the end, they will find you the best.

If that happens, great, if it doesnt thats fine too. We all must move forward, and do the things to heal and make ourselves happy, we all deserve that.

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I have been trying to visualise him having sex with someone else. So far, that seems to be helping a little. I feel less attracted to him now. I am nervous because in about 2 weeks I have to see him again, on a regular basis (2x a week) in Tae Kwon Do. We had met there 2 years ago. But I took a 4 month break while all of this cr*p was happening. And my Grandmaster keeps calling me to come back. But I did dye my hair jet black (I am a natural redhead) yesterday so I can 'feel' different and maybe he won't recognise me.

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  • 1 year later...
It hurts me alot, what I dont get is how are the dumpers able to have sex with someone else right away? Isnt it weird for them?

 

Very easily.

They dumped you to do this.

Or they did it because you are a douche bag besides already having a physical interest in someone else.

 

If you are hot enough to be able to get laid by someone attractive without any effort, this is instant gratification.

 

Welcome to the human race.

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So many reasons. At best it's a quick fix that just delays the pain for a few more hours or days. At worst it can send you into depression as you realise she's not your ex and you realise what you had and are missing.

 

If the rebound continues you are just using another person as an emotional crutch until you feel better. Then when you do, you dump them and screw them over. It also delays real healing on your part as you are using the other person to delay facing reality.

 

 

 

So true.

 

Couldn't have said it better.

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you don't get over it. only time works and as time goes by reality sets in for most and they realize the person is moving on which in an odd way actually jump starts you into moving on and searching for something new and realizing what was is now over.

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  • 3 years later...

I noticed this thread was started a long time ago, but this is sorta what I'm going through now. I don't care so much about if he gets with someone else (and we were always monogamous with each other) but I'm depressed about him not being with me anymore

 

No contact can be hard in a small town, even if I tried to avoid him I'm sure his friends and family hate me

 

I don't want to be with anybody else yet, but I feel like I'll never want to. I really thought he was the best, and I think anyone else would disappoint me

 

. . . also he called me a (even though I've been with the same small number of people as him (I don't think I'm a )) So I don't want to add another partner to my list to only be disappointed. I've gone a couple years in between partners (before) and I don't want to dwell on him that long

 

He said in public girls flirt with (like gas station workers) I wonder if he thinks they're prettier than me? Or are they richer than me? I don't think any cute guys are flitting with me

 

And if are love making was great (which I think it was) how can it be as good with the next person?

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  • 3 weeks later...
  • 1 year later...

The saddest thing about reading these posts is how we have to resort to extreme measures like blocking people, cutting people off, etc. Pretend we never met, that they are strangers.

 

It puts things into a very clear perspective. You do not get involved with someone you cannot see a future with. It's that simple.

 

Otherwise, we are just going to create a slew of unhealthy coping mechanisms (avoidance, blocking) that don't really address the issue, but rather put a blanket over them so we don't have to see them. It's like a pile of rubbish, swept to the corner of the room that cannot be seen. We are putting someone into a "no-contact" zone, but our minds are more powerful than anything, and unless we are struck with amnesia, that person, who they were, and what they meant to us, will always exist in our head.

 

Find someone who won't treat you like a bit of temporary fun.

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