Haunted by memories of my first love

[JPgirl7]

35 years after seeing him last I ran into my first love by chance. He had been widowed just 3 months prior. So surprised to see me he pulled me to him and

kissed me on the lips. He told me of his loss and showed me injuries to his hands from a work accident in 2007. He asked me if I was still married. I said "yes" - we talked for about 15 minutes as I had to get to an event. He was so happy and said seeing me did his heart good. I took his email address but did not email him for sometime and only to update him on my life since we last saw each other, it was 1/1/76 when he was being shipped out with the Navy. I was in my last half of my senior year in High School and in his absence meet the man that I did marry and he meet his first wife they had two kids and divorced within a few years. He contacted me when I was married almost five years and had a two year old son. Told him we could not be together and he found a new wife, the one he lost 26 years later from a sudden heart attack. We have emailed, talked on the phone and meet twice, no physical contact other than a hug and peck on the cheek. I can't get him out of my head or soul but he is now engaged again. I told my husband I ran into him but not that I have had more contact. I love my husband but am so sad and depressed from this by chance reunion from the past, am I crazy???

[UniqueSoul]

im sure that its just the initial shock of running into him. you are definitely not crazy. in time the sadness and depression will go away, and you will come back into reality. you are living in a mind fantasy, but it wont last. keep strong! remember why you are with your husband

[CatsMeeoow]

Yes... remember why you are with you husband!

 

Part of the sadness and depression is the realization of how much time has actually gone by... the what ifs and did I make the right choices... what would life be like if I hadn't met my husband... Its all normal.

 

My from own experience I can tell you its a fun fantasy chasing down an old love and reliving those wonderful times but it doesn't seem to last... eventually the bubble pops and it becomes clear why you went your separate ways to begin with. Still was sweet having the chance to feel that again but we were both free at the time. I don't regret it but I do feel he was searching for that moment in his life where things went wrong and how to get it back. You can't live in the past forever... and its exhausting trying to.

 

HUGS!

[Wildflower25]

Awwww....wow that's a neat story. I do understand the pain your going through on some level and I'm sorry to hear you're going through such a struggle. I feel like there are a couple things to note. You're not crazy at all. Love touches us in indescribable ways and sometimes distance or time are not factors after we've had a particularly strong connection with someone. I've had to come to terms with certain things in my life and reasoned it as "at least I felt what I did and that person touched me in a beautiful way that changed me for the better". No one, not even the person I made the memories with can touch my perspective and experiences I had with them, they're mine and I cherish the time with the men that I've felt I truly fell for...even if my time with them wasn't as long as I'd hoped. With that said, I think part of it could be the excitement of the idea of being with someone from the past and stirring old passion. The amazement of the journey of life and how interesting it is when paths cross again and where that road could lead. It worries me a little that he is engaged again already? Unless this was a couple years ago that he lost his wife and not back to back? I guess my overall feeling is cherish the memories you had with him...I wouldn't try to force yourself to not feel something. I would embrace my feelings in that situation but know where they belong. I'd think about what you really want and what your going to do about it. If you're not going to do anything about it, then don't torture yourself. Don't be depressed or self inflict pain on yourself because you feel "bad" for how you feel or feel bad for not saying anything to your husband. Again, I would embrace it but know that nothing will come out of it and try to come to peace about it. You really could just be torturing yourself, especially if he's getting married again. You don't need to feel bad...you really don't. You haven't cheated and the heart feels what it wants... If you are thinking of telling your husband but know nothing will come out of it, I probably would give it a couple months, revisit your perspective and see if it's even worth saying anything.