Alezia Posted November 21, 2011 Share Posted November 21, 2011 Yeah, I guess I don't get it. You spent 6 months doing all in your power to repeatedly reject a guy you say you had feelings for and believe were mutual, and now, 6 months later of not seeing him nor talking to him, you're wondering why he got turned off. I guess it doesn't make sense to me, either. lol Does it make sense to you, though? I see both sides of this argument. It just seems you are both focused on different factors though. matme is pondering on the emotions she's feeling, where as ariel sees this more from the rational perspective of the guy. I don't really think there is a right or wrong, but I suppose it depends if you are looking for emotional support or the 'logical answer'. Link to comment
PaintWithLight Posted November 21, 2011 Share Posted November 21, 2011 I see both sides of this argument. It just seems you are both focused on different factors though. matme is pondering on the emotions she's feeling, where as ariel sees this more from the rational perspective of the guy. I don't really think there is a right or wrong, but I suppose it depends if you are looking for emotional support or the 'logical answer'. I think matme is coming from a place of loneliness and reflection. If she had a great series of dates with new guys who showed confident adult interest in her, she would forget this young guy ever existed. Link to comment
missmar Posted November 21, 2011 Author Share Posted November 21, 2011 Alezia, I dont normally act this way with someone I am attracted to either...BUT this was at work, and not a bar. I have certain rules at work, and if your interested you find some way to contact me outside of work. I was not trying to belittle him...I truly liked the man, but could not express any feeling what so ever AT WORK. Geez, I wish I was a professional writer to explain this, I LOVE everything about him...I could NOT show that AT WORK...and I did not have the opportunity to see him outside of work...So please be gentle with what you SAY..,.I only acted at a professional level, because that was the setting.. Also, I was very scared of him..I dont thing I ever felt so vulnerable... Link to comment
PaintWithLight Posted November 21, 2011 Share Posted November 21, 2011 Alezia, I dont normally act this way with someone I am attracted to either...BUT this was at work, and not a bar. I have certain rules at work, and if your interested you find some way to contact me outside of work. I was not trying to belittle him...I truly liked the man, but could not express any feeling what so ever AT WORK. Geez, I wish I was a professional writer to explain this, I LOVE everything about him...I could NOT show that AT WORK...and I did not have the opportunity to see him outside of work...So please be gentle with what you SAY..,.I only acted at a professional level, because that was the setting.. Also, I was very scared of him..I dont thing I ever felt so vulnerable... How old are you? How old was he? I understand the 15 year gap but what are the numbers involved? 25-40? 30-45? Link to comment
missmar Posted November 21, 2011 Author Share Posted November 21, 2011 Okay...Let me see if I can answer some questions. PaintwithLight - Yes, I am lonely right now, which has caused me to ponder???WHY- also, you asked about the age difference...he is 30 and I am 45.. he looks his age I dont...I think I could pass for someone in my thirties.....but the reason why I question myself..IS BECAUSE I THINK I MADE A MISTAKE...that brings me to ARIEL ARIEL== YOU JUST DONT GET ME, BUT I GET YOU, you are taking this from his perspective..AND I GET THAT..But are you A 30 YR old MALE INTERSTED IN ME >>>NO I THINK NOT Azelia= thank you THANK ALL OF YOU, wow, I am coming to terms that I need to speak to this man, probably in writing, so I can explain why I did what I did, and if he wants he can explain why he felt that the whole company needed to know this...but I think I already know the answer...what was that PAINTWITH LIGHT the man has no GAME Link to comment
sadchick83 Posted November 21, 2011 Share Posted November 21, 2011 Society in general has women blaming themselves when things go wrong. WHo knows what happened to this guy? Maybe his Mom died, Maybe his d*** fell off...who knows. I am in the middle of a guy who came on super strong. I met him and only told him my name,-- he found me on line a day later.. we were in the middle of arranging our next date ...he called me beautiful etc. Well guess what? He disappeared. I am not going to blame myself for this one.....Maybe his d*** fell off, I don't know, and I may never know. It sucks but please do not blame yourself. Link to comment
PaintWithLight Posted November 21, 2011 Share Posted November 21, 2011 Honestly, I think it would be best to leave things alone. To send him an email, would but you in a position of vulnerability with him again. He has not asked for an explanation. Your email can be recirculated as a joke on his part. This man has not earn one shred of trust from you. Forget the d*** falling off excuse. The truth is that for most 30 year old guys, a woman being 45 is a deal breaker. I know, I know, you look super young. I hear this from every 45 year old woman that they can pass for younger. But the truth is, you saw his face when he got the news and it was NOT a good reaction. Now, you want to dreg all this up with an email to him to explain away a non-event. If he was interested in you, wild horses could not have kept him away. You give yourself too much credit in discouraging him. I can see no reason why he would not have found a way to approach you outside work and give you assurances that he could keep things private while on the job. Instead, he stirred up the office gossip and got your business out in the open. Women were thinking of you as a cougar because of his betrayal. And yet, you want to send him an email to explain more of your feelings? This would be a huge mistake. The problem with loneliness is that we tend to review things from the past with a selective filter. Your story includes at least 3 deal breakers in his behavior but you are all to willing to ignore that, and continue to spin this fantasy about him. Here is your summary instead: You and him date for a few dates which include horrible selfish sex on his part. He finds that your interests and passions do not match his and he opening mocks some of your favorite CDs in your collection. You pursue him but find that he often disappears and does not return your calls. After weeks of on and off, he finally tells you that things are not working out and he has found a younger woman to share time with. The end. Look at what you are missing but just leaving this alone. Find a great single guy your own age, who will cherish you, take you to restaurants and have long interesting conversations, and bring joy and contentment into your life. This younger guy is not the silk purse that you think he is. Leave it be. Link to comment
Capricorn3 Posted November 21, 2011 Share Posted November 21, 2011 wow, I am coming to terms that I need to speak to this man, probably in writing, so I can explain why I did what I did, I totally disagree and think this would be a big mistake and make you look even more foolish (imo). If he really was interested he would be with you now or been in touch. Leave it be and move on already. It's the past. It's over. Let it go and save your dignity. Link to comment
missmar Posted November 21, 2011 Author Share Posted November 21, 2011 Paintwithlight Wow, thanks for being so honest!!! This is waking me up to reality of the situation, I guess I have been romantisizing this whole thing...You know what now I am mad! I have snapped out of it....thank YOU~~~ Link to comment
missberlee Posted November 24, 2011 Share Posted November 24, 2011 missmar, don't be discourage about this whole thing. I've learned from a recent experience that if a guy wants to be with you, he will not wait a second to let you know. The reason why he hasn't told you yet is because you're probably not the top priority in his mind. Fantasizing about a younger guy is a normal thing, especially since you're still look young and beautiful. But I agree that maybe it's better for you to find someone older, ie more suitable age wise for you, who would truly appreciate you for how old you are and not just how good you look. Maybe he does like you, maybe it's a thrill to him to be able to have someone much older liking him, but how long is this going to last. I just don't want you to step into this further and get yourself hurt when things end up not working out. Best of luck with everything, you deserve much better. Link to comment
Alezia Posted November 25, 2011 Share Posted November 25, 2011 Hopefully this cleared things up on your end. Is it helping you get over the situation? Link to comment
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