Do you think he's cheating...

[tc7528]

I've noticed a change in the past few days. My husband is an extremely good looking man and women are always looking at him...very smart, successful and amazing. He had a recent business trip with one other co-worker (a divorced younger woman who is attractive). I'm usually not jealous but something was just tweaking me about the whole situation...

 

there was a 90 minute drive between the hotel they were staying at and the place where their meeting was...

 

i called a few times when i knew he'd be on his way and he didn't pick-up which aggravated me he ALWAYS picks up.

 

then when he answered hours later he said he didn't want to get in a 'text' argument so he didn't call me to say goodnight, didn't call me to say goodmorning, didn't call me at the airport when his flight took off and didn't call me when his flight landed...

 

i didn't reach out to him at all or blow up his phone in anyway b/c i was so taken back by the odd behavior...he literally went TOTALLY MIA which is so out of the norm...

 

i only called 2 times and sent the 'where are you text'

 

and he completely got shady...

 

then when he called me and i was finally able to get him this afternoon he got completely defensive and told me that i was crazy yada yada yada...

 

what do you think?

[Capricorn3]

I can see why you are feeling that something is not quite right, but the problem is how to prove it. I unfortunately have no answers to that, but I would say that you stay VERY very alert from now on.

[tmtex]

Maybe, maybe not. Not enough evidence. Do you have access to the cell bill. Yes I know he will say he calls her for work but look at the times/dates/texts. Now if its company paid and they do it, oh well. Like capricorn said keep alert. Thats what I did. Didnt say a word until I had HARD evidence. (Cell bill). I guess mine thought since it didnt come on the actually online bill doesnt mean you cant look at "Usage" LOL

Just be cool, go along and watch. Do some tests. See if he wants to be with you, hang out or whatever you guys do.

[d24]

sometimes when i'm out on business i don't like to pickup my calls.

just saying, there really isn't any evidence here, only a hunch.

[lalalollipops]

Kinda sus not only cos he went MIA on you, but the way he reacted so defensively and called you crazy.

That's the behaviour of sb guilty.

[Lester]

What is the rest of your relationship like? Has anything changed at home? More details would help.

 

He said, “he said he didn't want to get in a 'text' argument”

- Have you been arguing a lot and if so has it escalated lately?

 

You said, “i didn't reach out to him at all or blow up his phone in anyway b/c i was so taken back by the odd behavior...he literally went TOTALLY MIA which is so out of the norm...

i only called 2 times and sent the 'where are you text'”

- Good for you!!! Your control is the best approach you can have right now. There can be many possible explanations. Don’t panic.

 

 

PS, Do secretly prepare to view phone records. It’s not just the number called but the frequency, time and duration.

The account phone is the one whose name is listed on the phone statement. Your name makes it easy to reset the password and log onto to your phone account.

[dobbin]

i think his freaking out on you and going ballistic defensive is a good indication that he is guilty of something, what we do not know at this time.

dont say anything. just keep watching him like a hawk until you have hard evidence.

i know it's hard going on pretending everything is great and dandy when you are hurting/worried inside but the truth will reveal itself.

my ex travels for his business. he always flies home for the weekend unless he is overseas or he makes sure i fly there to see him. we email throughout the day and he always calls multiple times before dinner/bed. something about your husband doesnt seem right.

[Stay_home]

There's not enough information to really make that sort of judgment.

[eternalsunrise]

I can see it both ways. Maybe he didn't want to get on a personal phone call while he was stuck in the car with a coworker. Maybe you really do get suspicious of him when nothing is going on and that is what made him tell you that you're acting crazy.

 

If truly think he actually IS cheating, it would be better to act like you don't suspect a thing, but be secretly trying to get hard evidence behind his back. That way you can present facts, not suspicions that might otherwise hurt a good relationship.

[lavenderdove]

Well, i divorced a husband who cheated on business trips, and unfortunately a lot of men do. He would also claim he was going on a business trip or business event but was instead meeting up with women. I eventually found out when another man whom he worked with (who liked me as a person) tipped me off in a roundabout way. He and my husband went on a business function that was supposed to take the afternoon, but my husband lied and said it was an all day/into the night social function wtih customers... the guy called me at around 6 and said he forgot to ask my husband something and he needed to talk to him and i told him he wasn't home yet and the guy told me that was odd because the function ended at 4 pm... so he was letting me know in a round about way that my husband was cheating without coming out and saying it. My husband didn't arrive home until 2 a.m. and i just asked him how the function was and why so late and he just spun a bunch of lies including saying he went out for drinks with the guy who called me looking for him, so it was all a big lie and i eventually found out in other ways that he was cheating with women he worked with both at home and on business trips.

 

But just because the woman your husband went with was attractive doesn't necessarily mean he cheated... If he wants to stay faithful, he will, and if if he really wants to cheat, he can do it with anyone or a barmaid in the hotel or the woman next door or whomever. So don't focus your fears on a woman just because she happens to be attractive, focus on seeing whether there is a larger pattern there where he might be cheating or more concrete evidence than just a fear. I would be more concerned about him not picking up with no explanation than i would the particular woman involved.

 

If the room they were staying in was at the airport and convenient to stay there that is one thing, but if the hotel is a long way out of the way or no reason at all for them to stay at that particular hotel, then you might have cause to worry as what was really going on might have been a boondogle so they could have a nice little romantic interlude at a nice hotel. People having affairs do love those little opportunities to escape from the domestic routine with their spouses and have a little sexual variety, even if they love their spouses and don't intend to divorce.

 

Cheating is a character defect more than anything..... does your husband have really good character, or is he selfish/selfcentered, liable to bend the rules or lie when it suits his purposes? If he has good character I wouldn't worry about cheating, but if he tends to be selfish and does as he pleases without reference to the impact of his behavior on others, then you might worry in general.

 

 

 

If you seriously think he is cheating you can hire a private detective, but no way would i do that unless you have more evidence than one day where he didn't pick up.

[OrangeMoon]

the fact is..you married a gorgeous looking guy. He is going to be surrounded with a lot of temptation. I have been on many hotel-business trips.. And yes, some married guys do flirt...or stay up late after meetings to drink something in the bar, but going into the bedroom with someone is something they would only do..if they are really the cheating kind. Many..if not all simply go to their own bedroom.

 

I do have a feeling your guy was most likely emotionally cheating. If he was with her, he probably didnt want you to change the vibe.

 

The physical cheaters always answer the phone. They are just bold and cold like that, because they want to make sure that you are not catching on. With emotional cheaters its different, they'd rather avoid you.

 

In the end it comes down to you having faith in yourself, because you simply can not ever control if he's going to stick it in the next fine looking colleague. and you cant be walking around in fear like that.

 

Just do whatever you can do to make that man not forget what he's got at home..or what he'll be missing out on if he steps out of line. Sometimes we just need to make sure their lemons are sqeezed empty before they leave you know. Be tactical ;-). But if you cant shake the jealousy or fear, you seriously need to have a talk about that. Because you might break something that wasnt broken yet..or be onto something..

[20yrshurtand r]

Have a long talk with him about your fears and ask him to be completely honest even if that means telling you something he doesn't think you want to hear or know. If he does speak honestly be sure to praise him for it even if the worst you could have imagined. Be very calm and nonconfrontational no matter what he says or you will just shut him down or hear what he thinks he believes you want to hear. It's extremely important not to attack or show anger no matter how hard that is if you want his honesty. Try to watch his body language and words for defensiveness. If he is slow to answe, ask him to think about it, be totally honest with you then walk away telling him to come to you when he can. Do it face to face not on the phone. If the conversation becomes strained or angry walk away and come back to it after you both have had a chance to calm down. Let us know what happened or PM me.